After work... | Mumsnet

proximalhumerous · 2025-04-25T15:52:11+00:00

If a friend invited you over "after work" and neither of you had a 9-5 job (I mainly work school hours and he finishes around 8 or 9pm), should it be obvious what time they expect you? Especially if they don't want you to come straight from work as it's too early and they actually have the day off anyway. And would you be annoyed if you tried to clarify when they meant and they just repeated "after work" and then went silent?

Legomania · 15/08/2025 07:23

I mean he sounds like an idiot based on the other stuff. And why he can't specify eg "any day before Tuesday" is beyond me.
But what is so hard about saying which of the next few days you are free?
If the phrase "the next few days" is tricky for you to understand I think that at least part of the communication issue is with you!

StrictlyAFemaleFemale · 14/08/2025 18:04

Omg I would actually just block the fuckwit. Who has the spoons for this shit?

FloraBotticelli · 14/08/2025 18:00

Surely you say ‘yes sure, when’s good for you?’ and nail down a date and time from there?

AlwaysFreezing · 14/08/2025 17:56

Ah. The middle aged man teenager.

Why do you bother?

Original poster

proximalhumerous · 14/08/2025 17:53

Unbelievable. Same friend; this time inviting me over "in the next few days".

"Which 'few days' do you mean?" I asked.

"The next few days," he replied. (Italicisation is his.)

Fuck me.

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redsquirrel07 · 25/04/2025 20:04

It does seem odd and unnecessarily awkward. I also work in a school and I agree that 'after work' isn't clear, especially considering you finish at different times. Also 'after work' could mean for dinner or after dinner depending on the time so I don't think it's unreasonable to clarify. I always make a time with my friends, or at least a rough window! Then we can plan around it, work out food etc.

AgnesX · 25/04/2025 19:04

proximalhumerous · 25/04/2025 17:03

I did "use my words", but all I got back was sarcastic replies (including a repetition of "after work") and then he stopped responding.

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Sounds like a bit of an arse tbh. I wouldn't make the effort unless he apologises for being lippy.

And don't let him kid you he was being jokey either.

Coconutter24 · 25/04/2025 18:51

Idontjetwashthefucker · 25/04/2025 17:33

I would also just suggest a time "fucking never"

Why are you wasting time on this bellend?

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If someone suggests going over after work why your response be “fucking never” surely a time would be suggested first. OP obviously likes whoever has invited her round

Original poster

proximalhumerous · 25/04/2025 18:27

Gymbunny2025 · 25/04/2025 18:21

If he’s coming to yours then you choose the time?! Or have I misunderstood?

Yes you have. I was meant to be going to his.

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Original poster

proximalhumerous · 25/04/2025 18:27

BoredZelda · 25/04/2025 18:22

Then you choose the time and tell him that’s the time.

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I could have done that, but he'd already said when he didn't want me to go, so I was trying to ascertain when he did want me.

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Original poster

proximalhumerous · 25/04/2025 18:26

ForOliveMember · 25/04/2025 18:17

Well I don't understand why you said "What do you mean by afterwards? I finish at 3pm."
If he said come after work, I'd have said "okay, see you then" and turned up after i'd finished at 3.

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I said that because I assumed he wouldn't want me to go over that early - which was confirmed by his reply.

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Original poster

proximalhumerous · 25/04/2025 18:24

ForOliveMember · 25/04/2025 18:17

Well I don't understand why you said "What do you mean by afterwards? I finish at 3pm."
If he said come after work, I'd have said "okay, see you then" and turned up after i'd finished at 3.

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He said, "Are you working tomorrow? Want to come over afterwards?"
So I said, "What do you mean by afterwards..."

He knows I work school hours, but didn't know I was finishing slightly earlier than usual - which is why I told him my finish time. If he'd said, "Come over when you'd usually finish," or "Come over at 5 o'clock," that would have been fine.

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BoredZelda · 25/04/2025 18:22

proximalhumerous · 25/04/2025 17:52

That's exactly what I asked and he said, "yours, obvs", but omitted to specify a time.

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Then you choose the time and tell him that’s the time.

Gymbunny2025 · 25/04/2025 18:21

If he’s coming to yours then you choose the time?! Or have I misunderstood?

ForOliveMember · 25/04/2025 18:17

proximalhumerous · 25/04/2025 18:07

I said, "What do you mean by afterwards? I finish at 3pm."
He said, "After work. 3pm is too early."
I replied [confused by this stage and wondering if I was wrong in thinking he had the day off], "After whose work?"
He said, "Yours obvs."
So I said, "What do you mean by 'after work' if you don't mean straight after my work, or after your work?"

He then stopped communicating.

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Well I don't understand why you said "What do you mean by afterwards? I finish at 3pm."
If he said come after work, I'd have said "okay, see you then" and turned up after i'd finished at 3.

Vaxtable · 25/04/2025 18:13

you asked, he didn’t give a time and now won’t respond

i wouldnt be going

And if he contacts me would be saying I asked you a simple question, you didn’t respond so why should I come to see someone being so rude

Original poster

proximalhumerous · 25/04/2025 18:12

Legomania · 25/04/2025 18:10

Let me guess, he's not exactly awash with friends

He has two or three I'm aware of.

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Original poster

proximalhumerous · 25/04/2025 18:11

Legomania · 25/04/2025 18:09

It sounds like he forgot that you don't finish at conventional office time but decided to be a dick about it instead of going "sixish?"

It could sound like that, I agree, but I literally told him the time I finished.

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Legomania · 25/04/2025 18:10

Let me guess, he's not exactly awash with friends

Legomania · 25/04/2025 18:09

It sounds like he forgot that you don't finish at conventional office time but decided to be a dick about it instead of going "sixish?"

Original poster

proximalhumerous · 25/04/2025 18:09

ginasevern · 25/04/2025 17:58

Why are you even friends with him? He's sarcastic, sounds pretty unpleasant and is treating you like a fool. You also don't fancy him (hardly surprising). What am I missing here?

I don't fancy him in the slightest, although many moons (decades) ago we were FWB until I got fed up with the utterly shit sex. He can be quite thoughtful and good company, but he can also be an arse.

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Original poster

proximalhumerous · 25/04/2025 18:07

Legomania · 25/04/2025 18:00

'After work' to me means heading over once you've finished work, so not sure what he meant if he didn't want you to head straight over after you finished. Otherwise he could have said 'this evening'. Anyway he sounds pretty tedious if he expects other people to mind read

I said, "What do you mean by afterwards? I finish at 3pm."
He said, "After work. 3pm is too early."
I replied [confused by this stage and wondering if I was wrong in thinking he had the day off], "After whose work?"
He said, "Yours obvs."
So I said, "What do you mean by 'after work' if you don't mean straight after my work, or after your work?"

He then stopped communicating.

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hazylazydayz · 25/04/2025 18:04

proximalhumerous · 25/04/2025 17:03

I did "use my words", but all I got back was sarcastic replies (including a repetition of "after work") and then he stopped responding.

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Ugh. I'd just reply " no thanks".

Legomania · 25/04/2025 18:02

Lisaps · 25/04/2025 17:54

I am absolutely sick of seeing this trotted out on here. This is a site for adults, adults don’t need to be treated like children for goodness sake and told to “use your words”. Why not just say ask him instead of being a twat?

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To be fair, half the posts on this site wouldn't exist if people were better at communicating (op but often also the other person)

Legomania · 25/04/2025 18:00

'After work' to me means heading over once you've finished work, so not sure what he meant if he didn't want you to head straight over after you finished. Otherwise he could have said 'this evening'. Anyway he sounds pretty tedious if he expects other people to mind read