To wish people wouldn't judge/grill people who don't drive

I didn’t pass my test until I was 39. Good public transport, driving never interested me.

4 months after passing my husband suffered a cardiac arrest at work. I was able to jump in the car & be there in ICU, he wasn’t expected to survive. The sheer panic I would have felt if I’d had to think about calling a taxi, or a bus, or running round the neighbours. I have no family nearby. I spent weeks at the hospital, all hours of the day & night, could not have done that without the car. Since then there have been times I’ve taken him to A&E (10 mins away) and my daughter is now under investigation for the same heart condition. I couldn’t sleep at night not knowing the car was there & I could get to her or my husband if they needed me. You don’t realise how isolated & vulnerable you are until something happens.

I appreciate everyone’s finances & circumstances are different but if you are able to, take the lessons & the test. Even if you don’t need or want a car straight away. Or take automatic only lessons as are much simpler. The option is then there if you want or need it. I’m saving for my daughters lessons already :)

No this is fair enough, but then I avoid items that are collection only because I'm not a CF - I'm genuinely surprised by how many CFs there are out there, because I won't even ask my brother or best friend to collect me after a hospital appointment/stay.

Some people are definitely weird about it. I did learn and pass in my mid 20s but then didn’t drive for nearly 15 years. I got sooo many comments and people just seemed really baffled that I didn’t drive. It annoyed me that I had to constantly explain myself, like it’s anyone else’s business… and I also never expecting lifts, ever, I’ve always been happy on public transport or walking. Anyway, I felt under pressure and so did end up doing refresher lessons and got a car. I really dislike driving though and aside from going to work, if I can take public transport I will almost always choose that option.

I’m in my early 40’s and just learning to drive now. I live in London so never really needed to and it just doesn’t come naturally to me. I’ve had about 50 hours of lessons and am not ready to sit my test yet. That’s in an automatic car so you can imagine how bad I would be in a manual!

I’m doing it now because I have a small child and my inability to drive now impacts her. Going out in the pouring rain and freezing cold to get to nursery when I could just put her in a warm car. So I am determined to
pass for her sake.

This is totally irrational and unreasonable I know, but the phrase “I don’t drive” grates me more than “I can’t drive”.

Possibly because our local Facebook group is full of people expecting people to deliver thing, often very low value, for free because they “don’t drive”.

Yes, I know I’m unreasonable.

I don't judge people who don't drive but I live in London and so do all the non-drivers I know.

I do know that a female friend of mine finds it extremely tedious that all the family driving (holidays, days out, sports fixtures) always fell to her. But her DH is now 60 and unlikely to suddenly start lessons.

I only judge them if they expect lifts from people who can drive.

I find that some people think buses and Uber don't exist.

Buses are hourly where I live, and none between 9 pm and 11pm.

Taxis aren't very reliable round here as there aren't enough of them.

No judgement at all for ppl who don’t drive but a lot of judgement on people who don’t drive who expect everyone else to drive around and plans to be centred around them so they can get there

I sympathise,OP. I can drive, but don’t bother - I live in London, commute by Tube, get heavy stuff delivered and walk or cycle locally. I used to drive my mother around when I visited her but she’s now turned 80 and has given up her car for health reasons. We use public transport or taxis. It’s not a big deal.

I can’t . Can’t afford it now as I need to pay for the kids to learn.

@Ceriane I totally understand.

I've left London now. I used to drive, but sadly I can't anymore due to health issues.

Since leaving, it is unusual not to have a car around here but there are perfectly good buses and Uber etc

I find that some people think buses and Uber don't exist. It's bizarre. I happen to know that some of the horrified people do go out and have a drink of an evening so how are they getting home? It's a very family based area so I suppose somebody is always a designated driver.

It's kind of doubly annoying because I find if I tell them why I don't drive, they look even more horrified. some of it is linked to a spinal injury that I had so I just tell them that because it's the shortest explanation.

Then I start to feel that some people want to run away from me as if I'm some kind of curse.

I don't have much of a social life, but when people offer me lifts, I mostly say no. I don't want them to ever feel that I'm a person who takes lifts.

The only exception has been when someone's mum was driving them home and the lady said to me apologetically "mum is insisting, so we're giving you a lift." 😂 I didn't want to cause a family row!

It's probably because you are daring to be different, and people don't usually like things that are perceived as being 'different'.

If you live rurally, driving is handy because public transport is usually an interesting concept and everything is far away... but if you live in a city or well-equipped town, you can easily get around on foot or by public transport, so driving is unnecessary. I mean, some cities have 'Park and Drive' set-ups.

Also, anxiety and panic attacks are not helpful when learning to drive! I have been there, done that, and was surprised when I eventually passed my test.

I don’t care if someone doesn’t drive, unless they’re repeatedly asking me for lifts (or expecting me to pick up their kids which has happened) when I know they are fit, healthy, cognitively able and can afford to learn but just can’t be arsed. I wouldn’t marry and have kids with someone who didn’t (unless there was a medical reason for it).

where I live in the suburbs of a city, as a household we drive to work most days (separately as have different starting times). Also taking dc to numerous clubs etc (amounts to 6-7 days per week) and then driving 2 hours each way per fortnight to visit in-laws. If my dh didn’t share the load I’d be majorly pissed off and resentful.

My sisters husband doesn’t drive but they live in a multigenerational household and at the minute both grandparents and my sister can drive. The grandparents do school pick ups, help bring kids to various clubs etc (as does my sister) but he never has to. It’s working ok now but when I’ve raised it to my sister that when the grandparents are no longer able she will have to do it all. She doesn’t think it’ll be an issue.
Personally I’d be hugely resentful. He’s fit and able to but just doesn’t see the need. He lived in a major city with great transport links until he was 30. He openly says he doesn’t mind that the bus takes an hour to and from work so he gets to listen to his cricket/ rugby podcasts.

I drive because I have dc now but still use public transport a lot.

I'd hate to not just be able to go wherever I want whenever I want due to the ability to drive.

Yeah, not so much in central London!

Why should people be forced to drive when they don't have to. I can drive but prefer not to - I have never been someone who does things on the spur of the moment so can get good deals on train and coach tickets by booking in advance plus I have read so many books as I use public transport for my commute.

It's a choice, not compulsory. Like riding a bike or swimming. I judge more those who drive everywhere and never use public transport. They're the real problem.

Literally this.

I had to give up driving just over 2 years ago when I had my first seizure. I was 28! It could literally happen at any time, and the clock keeps getting reset for me every time I have another seizure (not even 2 weeks clear currently).

You are not "picking up the slack", as if somehow its the fault of individuals that publicly funded infrastructure is largely designed to not only require driving, but do so at their own private expense. Something that is disastrous in terms of efficiency, not only in terms of roads but also storage when vehicles are not in use. An individual isn't personally responsible

It also impacts housing and retail spaces, when you look up the amount of space taken up for parking within a either development.

In a world where the manual jobs an individual might do themselves are generally in decline, driving yourself places at your own expense is really something of an anachronism in the modern world. It's something of a quirk that anyone wants to hold on to it, the amount of entertainment gadgets and people on their phones while driving suggests many secretly want a change 🤣🤣

Absolutely. I couldn't learn to drive when I was young as my family couldn't afford it. The place where we live had very few opportunities for teenagers to earn some regular money alongside studying back then. Life continued to get in the way, I had a few failed attempts in my 20s and I eventually passed my test at 38. It was my first time trying with that instructor and I think I was finally in the right place and found someone I clicked with to learn from.

@BigHeadBertha

People will always form opinions of others based on what they know of them. That is their right and it would be kind of stupid not to. It doesn't make much sense to say they shouldn't

Maybe but I prefer to judge people on their character, personality and intelligence rather than whether or not they know how to operate several tons of metal. It’s just not a very intelligent or interesting reason to look down on someone.

I think there is a difference between won't learn to drive and can't drive for various excellent reasons.

When I lived and worked in London I didn't drive. When I moved to Yorkshire I learned to drive because I needed to.

I admit that I get frustrated at threads from posters who state that they don't drive, live rurally with poor public transport and whose partners/husbands resent the fact that they are the ony drivers in the household.

We live where we do because I can drive. If I couldn't we would live somewhere with better public transport.

DD hasn't learned to drive for valid medical reasons, so I am always careful on threads from posters who say they don't drive.

I only judge as most ppl I know who don’t drive are constantly expecting lifts and ppl to work around them not being able to get places. I understand it’s not for everyone but I genuinely think being able to drive is one of the most valuable skills you can have

I think it’s not too late. I do think it’s a bit odd if an adult chooses not to drive. I don’t mean if they can’t. I mean as a choice.