To wish people wouldn't judge/grill people who don't drive

Your second paragraph is very alarming.’refuse to wear my glasses’ & ‘Slap some L Plates on..’ what about insurance etc & being able to see what’s on the road!! I think it’s best you stick with your decision not to be behind a wheel.

Exactly. It's just about planning, something car owners lose the ability to do with transport. Also whilst we are on the train we can post here and generally argue for reduced car use and increased public transport use. Or read a book or even communicate with other humans.

I agree with you and also learnt to drive in my 30s. I think perhaps learning later gives you a decent view from each side.

The ones who are incredibly judgemental probably learnt at 17, paid for by mum and dad, who have no idea that living without the tie of a car can be extremely freeing and perfectly doable, not to mention much healthier.

My car was sick over the Easter break and we had to walk everywhere and get the bus. My daughter loved it and didn’t want the car back. My heart sank a bit when the garage called me to collect it 😂

Why do you refuse to wear your glasses?

I don't want to take public transport. I also don't want to add another 30 minutes to my driving. But that doesn't mean I don't want to spend time with them. I wouldn't ask any one for petrol money, to me that's equivalent to buying the milk if they came for tea.

Yes, whenever I wanted, if public transport doesn’t work (which is unusual frankly) then I get a taxi part or all of the way.

I am not restricted in where I need to go, I don’t ask for lifts ever, I’m never late meeting someone (but they often are due to finding parking). I plan my life accordingly much like someone with a car has to plan parking, getting petrol, making stops.

Well, how 'grown up' would you like me to be? Left home at 18, married with a mortgage at 21, still married and mortgage paid off now at 50. I think I'm pretty 'grown up' without having that one 'basic skill'. My husband doesn't have that skill either.

Because we are both grown ups and have been for a long time, we can cope without an expensive box to carry ourselves around in. We prioritised a roof over our heads, which is one reason we were mortgage-free by my late 40s. We are grown up enough to live in areas with viable transport links (not nearly as hard as most of the driving so-called grown-ups claim, we have never lived in a major city), grown up enough to have adult jobs we can get to without needing to drive.

All in all, we are pretty capable adults. We just don't have one skill. I could be a sweeping generalist like you, and say most car drivers I know don't seem to be able to manage for five minutes when their little box on wheels isn't working, and suddenly the grown adults aren't at work because they've no idea how to get on the public transport that goes past their house every 20 minutes, but I won't.

I just tell people I’m not allowed to drive.

Fairly true because I’m dangerous on the roads and refuse to wear my glasses so couldn’t tell you the number plate of a car a cars distance away. I had a few lessons and if dh was out of action I know how to drive technically so could slap some L plates on and drive his car with him as passenger not that he ever wants to be a passenger.

I work from home, we have busses and a train station and two big shops a 25 minute walk and I can cycle. I also don’t ask for lifts.

Re privilege - posters being smug about not driving probably live somewhere with good public transport. It is irritating that city dwellers seem to be unaware of just how unreliable public transport is outside of towns and cities.

If I didn't drive I would also live somewhere with better transport. We have hourly trains that are often cancelled at the last minute.

It clearly is a privilege to have the means to afford to learn to drive. You can't argue with that.

Yes but whenever you wanted? Your dictated by bus/train times or bus/train stops etc. Or how far you can walk or cycle. That's the convenience of a car its wherever you want, whenever you want.

Exactly. The vast majority of humans do not have access to personal transport that they can use at their convenience and create the resulting environmental damage. Thankfully for the planet. It's a developed society entitlement to consider this as a life skill. One of the reasons public transport is poor in certain areas is because car owners never consider any form of other transport except their car and tge demand doesn't make ut vuable. They are so used to being able to go where they want at exactly the time they want that they would never consider using communal transport methods. This morning watching numerous cars driving around a supermarket car park looking for the nearest space to the entrance spewing out the pollutants to save their owners 30 second walk. It's a life skill, definitely.

I learnt to drive when I was 40. I totally understand the embarrassment at not being able to drive as I used to feel like I’d somehow’failed’ to acquire an adult life skill. I did get lectured at by people on how driving is useful & opens up possibilities for you (& to be fair they were right it has made my life easier and they probably weren’t lecturing me but rather trying to encourage me.)

I grew up in a household without a car so was used to getting public transport. I recently had a conversation with a colleague and I was incredulous when they said they haven’t taken a bus since they were 16 and wouldn’t know how to. They could have posted about it on here 😆

If you choose not to learn as you can happily navigate yourself around using public transport of course that’s perfectly reasonable. It’s better for the environment and you just need to be comfortable and confident about your life choice. Which I think is the problem here. it’s really your inner critic judging yourself and feeling that you should have /should still do it ( while also knowing it was justifiable that you didn’t.)

YABU to say you don’t drive rather than can’t drive though. I don’t know why but that irks me when non-drivers say it as it feels disingenuous.

I’m 63 and don’t drive- I did learn when younger but struggled with manoeuvres , reversing round corners etc and gave up - I make sure we live convenient for good transport and never ask for lifts. H does drive and we have a car , but he only learnt when he was 50 . To be honest I can no longer be arsed - he likes a big 4x4 - we can only afford one car and I can guarantee he would be highly critical and passing comment if I drove because of his personality -

One of the biggest inconveniences about not being able to drive is all the jobs that demand a full driving licence. If I was applying for a delivery driver job then fair enough but an admin position? A receptionist? Surely there's a point where it becomes discrimination.

You set your life in a way that driving isn't essential for you.

With your health issues, even if you learned, it would be a good idea to keep your life organised around not needing to drive, so potential health hiccups don't isolate you from life and services.

Of course you can learn if you want, but it is a kind of luxury for you and you should choose from potential luxurious choices one which actually makes you happy, not something which would just make stupid people shut up.

I can drive. I still take public transport most of the time and like to have big part of day trips and holidays organised around train. It is just more enjoyable that way.

Why is it awkward? If you want to go somewhere together, either take public transport together or give them a lift and ask for a petrol contribution. If you resent doing either of those things, you probably don't want to spend time with them that much.

I don't understand the awkwardness.

I’ve literally never been unable to get somewhere due to my inability to drive 🙄

Yes, I'm sometimes told I am 'lucky' to live near enough to my workplace to walk to it. But I wasn't allocated my house by lottery - I chose it over nicer/cheaper houses because that was a priority to me.

I used to drive but had to surrender my license due to a progressive untreatable sight loss condition. It’s an absolute pain as we live in an area with poor public transport. I hate being dependent on other people. People judging me as a non driver just adds to feeling of loss and frustration.

It really depends where you live. In a big city lots of people take public transport. I do 50% of the time yet I drive. Obviously if you are more rural and it has a big impact on your life, then it would be baffling to people that you don’t learn. I sympathise because most people find it easy to learn how to drive and it took me years and tons of lessons. I’m just very poorly coordinated.

Good observation, but you don’t need to own a car to learn to drive.

But you don't have to MOT a car nor pay for service, tyres, petrol, repairs nor have the hassle of arranging it all

Not everyone needs to drive. If everyone did it would be terrible - for the roads and the environment. It's expensive and stressful.

If you can get around via walking, public transport or (gasp!) getting a lift here and there, it's fine.

A person is not "lacking" just because they don't drive. Just like not everybody can earn a high wage or cook amazing meals or be beautifully creative. People have different skills and different priorities with what to spend their time and money on.

I assume you don’t have kids? Life can be tricky with kids if you don’t drive.
You are also drastically reducing your job opportunities if you can’t drive.

It’s an important life skill that you have clearly put off acquiring for a plethora of reasons, but one you should probably acquire now anyway, even if you choose not to use it in the short term.

Picnic transport? I’d give up my driving licence for that 😂