To wish people wouldn't judge/grill people who don't drive

I'm afraid I'm slightly judgey about people who don't drive (unless they can't drive for medical reasons, obvs).

I think it restricts choices. Most of the jobs I've done have required a driving licence, and I'd have had to move from where I live if I couldn't drive, thanks to the cuts in bus services (no Sunday service or buses before 8.45 or after 6pm, and a 2-hour gap in the middle of the day).

She sounds awful. Very spoiled. Although I expect she behaved like this about other things too, not just transport.

My non driver (but MORE than happy to get public transport) friend used to ask if I fancied going for lunch. I’d agree. She’d suggest a particular restaurant. It was only about 20 mins to drive there from my house but parking was a nightmare. We live in London. So there’s great transport but this particular place was awkward from where we lived. Would involve a bus and two tubes. She would also need to walk 20 mins to her bus stop. Every single time she’d suggest this restaurant she’d then say “you’re driving though yeah?” If I said no she’d say well let’s not bother then. So unless I drove 10 mins in the opposite direction to her house to pick her up, then 30 mins to the place plus the hassle of parking, then 20 mins home and the 10 mins extra to her house then the 10 mins back again she just couldn’t be bothered.

On the odd occasion I did drive she used to get so annoyed if parking was a nightmare. As if it was my fault. Once years ago I parked in a car park and the pay and display had just changed to online/app/phone only. So I was trying to figure out how to pay (the very early days using phones for all this). She ended up storming off to the restaurant by herself as “there was hardly going to be any point at this rate”.

There was also one time we got public transport somewhere and on the way home 2 tube lines were suspended so it was awful and she was panicking because she needed to get back to pick her son up from school and she ended up shouting at me “if you’d have just driven we wouldn’t be having this problem!!” I suggested she should get a cab but she wouldn’t unless I paid half even though I didn’t need it and it also wouldn’t be taking me home anyway it would be taking me to her sons school!

(FYI I’m not really friends with her anymore. I only see her at mutual friends events)

When I used to drive I gave people lifts very often. In fact I gave someone a lift to work every day for 6 months. I don't understand the drama; either give a lift if you don't mind or don't if you hate it.

I find it odd that people think I would just be pining to sit in their boxes so much that I'm going to cry if they drive past me. People who have become so detached from the idea of using their legs that my 2 mile walk to work horrifies them

You find it odd because you arent driving so dont have people trying to cadge lifts often and thats the point. I certainly do NOT think all non drivers do this by any means, but as a driver it has happened enough times to me that it has become a real irritation.

Equally, as a driver, I have not experienced what the OP describes because I do drive. I am not going to therefore say what the OP has experienced simply isnt real just because I havent experienced it. Same applies to people feeling entitled to lifts.

Perhaps I've led a very sheltered life, but in 50+ years of being a non-driver (by choice) I've not encountered any judging/grilling.

I couldn't care less and only learned in my mid 30s but always followed through golden rules of never expecting or relying on a lift, always offering a contribution and not just fuel, never trying to change the time or location of it, or making complaints about their vehicle.

As soon as I learned I found this is not typical

YABU for caring so much what other people think.
I don't drive either but don't feel the need to justify myself.
I get around perfectly fine on public transport

There is smuggery on both sides isn't there?

The non drivers with great public transport and those who can afford to run a car.

Well she caught the same bus as me from the same small town I live in...

Perhaps you lived on a good bus route and they didn't??

Absolutely this.

I catch the bus to work. One morning and colleague got on as her car had failed it's MOT.

God the drama. You would have thought it was the end of the world. Everyone at work knew about it and how terrible it was.

She arranged a lift home, in the staffroom at lunchtime Plus a lift in the following day and until her car was repaired.

Meanwhile I just quietly walked to the bus stop and caught the bus home.

And before I get jumped on, no disabilities, no young children to ferry around.

I honestly don't care if people drive or not as long as they aren't hinting at or expecting lifts from other people because it's 'easier' for them.

I wouldn't talk to someone about it though unless they are spending at length about their reasons why

Which is fine if you're not reliant on other people driving you around in their cars (including taxis!).

Whether you learn to drive or don’t should be about what you want and nothing to do with anybody else.

If someone asks why you don’t drive you don’t need to give them your life story just say “I’ve always lived in places with great public transport so never got round to it” or similar. Or even just the “never got round to it” part.

Nobody you know who drives likes a drink, then? Most evenings out I have had with car drivers, they are the ones who want to go local because they don't want to drive, but can't work out how to get home from anywhere without their cars.

What really bugged me was where I once worked for five years as an audit manager. Part of the job was travelling to client sites for working on site, sometimes just a day, sometimes a full week, occasionally 2/3 weeks usually needing 1 or 2 other staff to come with me. I didn't live in the town where I worked - I lived 25 miles away. Most of the other staff lived in the town. I was expected to go into the office to pick them up and drop them off in town again at end of day. None of them ever made any attempt whatsoever to get a train/bus to the town close to where we were working. There was just an expectation I'd trudge through the congested town centre twice a day to pick up/drop off even though it added time to my day (and mileage).

Sometimes, when the "destination" was closer to where I lived, or even in my own town, they'd still expect me to drive up to pick them up, virtually passing my own house again on the way back and do the same at end of day! I didn't put up with that and forced them to make their own way to my town where I picked them up at the bus/train station, but neither they nor the bosses were happy at my stance.

It's the expectation from non drivers which is the killer for me. It was the main reason I left that job. Luckily in the next job, it was based out of town on a business estate so most of the staff had to drive there anyway, so had their own transport, and we didn't have the same problem. We'd all just agree to either meet at the client's premises, or for longer journeys, meet at a car park or lay by and travel together in one car.

Yes! This

Buses run on the right a 2 minute walk away to the nearest 2 towns. The problem is that they don't go to the city 5 miles away, and the bus stations in the towns (and city for that matter) are no where near the railway stations. So public transport is actually fine for going shopping, the GP surgery, etc., but hopeless if you actually want to leave the area because that's when the multiple bus journey changes and long walks are needed. A complete lack of integration and planning. Even the city park n ride is the "wrong" side of town opposite to where most people live so you have to drive THROUGH the congested town to get to the PNR to come back in again! Mindless planning! (And the PNR doesn't stop at the railway station either!).

But I have set my life up to suit me.

I want to live in cities, I love living in cities and that generally goes hand in hand with a public transport system.

I don’t drive so I’m not going to cart my arse of to rural Devon am I. I, like most people, make life choices that suit me and the life I choose for myself.

If someone chooses to live in the arse end of nowhere with a poor public transport system and cannot drive then it is on them to decide what that means for their life and lifestyle and if it suits, amazing, if it doesn’t then you figure it out

Exactly location has a lot to do with it. I dont judge someone who doesnt drive but I agreed with the poster about sometimes not getting my head around someone who is able to drive and has the finances to drive and choosing not to. I think driving is so convenient and comfortable compared to public transport. I have a couple of friends who dont drive and occasionally it gets brought up- but they are happy not to drive so my comments make no difference to them and they know I'm happy to drive so their comments to me make no difference, so there isnt much more to say 😆

The fact that you had options of bus, train and onstreet car rental says that you live in a city with good public transport options. Most people don't.

Most people who don't drive live in places with good transport - as that makes sense.

If you live more rurally then driving is more a necessary.

That point been made multple times on here - you set your life up to suit you. It's why it is more problematic if you suddenly can't drive and have to adjust when you may have bought a house without considering that.

Is your illness to the point where you're legally NOT allowed to drive?

That's up to you. I've no problem with that at all. Funnily enough, I've had people who are baffled and incredulous at my lack of driving pressure lifts on me, then be surprised when I say 'no, thank you'.

I find it odd that people think I would just be pining to sit in their boxes so much that I'm going to cry if they drive past me. People who have become so detached from the idea of using their legs that my 2 mile walk to work horrifies them.

The biggest lift cadgers I have known are those whose cars are in for repair and they can't cope.

The fact that you had options of bus, train and onstreet car rental says that you live in a city with good public transport options. Most people don't.

To get to our nearest Ikea, it's an hour by car or 2.5 hours by public transport. Thats 3 different buses, one train journey and 35 minutes of walking!