To wish people wouldn't judge/grill people who don't drive

Another one here agreeing with others that I only judge/get irritated with people who don’t drive but ask for lifts all the time.

I have a friend who doesn’t drive. Tells everyone she doesn’t need to. She’s “MORE than happy to ALWAYS get picnic transport” in fact she thinks it’s “SO MUCH BETTER for the environment that she doesn’t drive.” She lives within walking distance of 2 tube lines and multiple buses.
Yet she asks for lifts all the time. All. The. Time. Can I take her to work because there’s a tube strike. Could I drop her son to football because it’s pissing down. Could I take her to pick up her son’s special birthday cake as she can’t carry it in the bus. Can I come and pick up a load of bags for the charity shop. Can I drop her to the airport as she can’t manage all the bags plus her son. Can I drop her home after a friends wedding because she’s hung over and can’t face the train.
Honestly, she’s always saying how she’s perfectly happy on public transport. I can guarantee if she was on here she’d be one of the people saying they don’t NEED to drive they are perfectly happy on trains and buses! But the reality is very different.

I hated learning to drive and was useless. Took 4 years on and off. Worked evenings on top of a full-time job to pay for lessons. Eventually passed 4th time. I have had many sleepless nights worrying about whether my car would pass its MOT, how I'd pay my insurance etc. However, I didn't give up. That's what I hate about non drivers who just couldn't do it. It's a bit flakey tbh. However. Providing you never ask for a lift I don't judge non drivers.

Even if you can get around via public transport okay right now, that doesn't mean you'll always be able to.

Yet buses, trains etc. have wheelchair spaces; you can book assistance at train and coach stations… if you’re reliant on a car and develop mobility or sight issues in later life, no one can help you drive.

I don’t drive, I have a health condition that would make me a danger to be on the road. I have a friend who I am currently distancing myself from, who knows this, but her answer to everything is “what about driving lessons” 🙄

Drivers ed class in high school is one thing the US gets right. Everyone who can gets an opportunity to learn how for free.

I do agree with this, even as a non-driver. I probably still wouldn’t have a licence, but I’d have found out I was shit at driving for free!

I don't drive either op, I'm ND have bad anxiety and don't think I would make a good driver. im 38 live in a town with good access to public transport so I get around just fine I either bus it or use my legs. it's frustrating when people make incorrect assumptions or questions why you don't drive. I've learned over the years not to let it get to me so much and several of the culprits including my own dad (not close, complicated history ) have given up asking me.

Can I ask though, in the UK, can you ONLY learn with an instructor, for every lesson? I keep seeing the 'its SO expensive for lessons' on similar threads.
Once you've had a few lessons with an instructor, can't you go with a qualified driver with L plates on for further practice in the UK?

Yes, you can and many people do. But people pick up bad habits. It doesn’t necessarily make them bad drivers, but it also doesn’t make them the right person to get you to test level. You need to learn how to pass the test as much as how to actually drive.

(Plus, if you hate your driving instructor you can fire them and never clap eyes on them again. It’s much harder to fire a partner or parent 😄)

Drivers ed class in high school is one thing the US gets right. Everyone who can gets an opportunity to learn how for free. Then their parents take them for driving practice or get them further lessons and they're up and driving and get their licenses.

There are a few cities with reliable public transport where someone doesn't have to drive here but for the most part, it's essential to getting around.

Or that they’ve deliberately chosen to live somewhere with access to viable public transport - you know, because they can’t drive.

I don't drive and have simply never wanted to.
It's not an important life skill for me. My parents never drove either. Never had a car in the family
Life is normal without one.

Let people judge, they're only arseholes 🤣

I learnt to drive abroad, years ago where all 12 of my friends did the same in secondary school. It was just the norm there, even though I lived somewhere with reasonable public transport.

Can I ask though, in the UK, can you ONLY learn with an instructor, for every lesson? I keep seeing the 'its SO expensive for lessons' on similar threads.
Once you've had a few lessons with an instructor, can't you go with a qualified driver with L plates on for further practice in the UK?

It's a basic life skill.

If it was basic, no one would ever take their test twice or more.

I don't drive, as I'd be a liability on the road.
I'm 46 and I have never 'felt' judged, but I'm sure some people do/have.
I'm also not a CF and have never tried to cadge lifts off others.
Ultimately, I don't give a flying fuck about what people think about me taking public transport.

If someone started a thread saying “I’m training to use a piece of machinery that can kill in the wrong hands. I’ve failed my licence test four times. Should I try again?”, people would unanimously vote absolutely not. Yet when that piece of machinery is a car, it’s all “Keep going, you can do it - it’s a life skill!”

I have had a few comments as though people assume I'm lazy or must be thick or whatever and it really gets me down.

One particularly vitriolic poster on here a few years ago was ranting that no one would EVER get a decent job without a driving licence and that that was a FACT. I think my £73k a year job is quite decent, and I do it very well without driving.

Some people give vague bog standard excuses because they have been asked repeatedly all their lives, similar to why don't you want children. I used to say because I'm too selfish and then I would get a million but you're so thoughtful and nurturing , so I would come up with can't afford them etc.
People say anything just to get them off their backs when the real reason is I don't think I'm capable and you should just let them be. Or better yet, don't ask in the first place.

I learnt in my 40s and only drive an automatic, so it's not too late OP, if it's something you really want to do.

I do believe that not everyone is cut out for driving - you see people who fail test after test and have no instinct for it. The road is littered with bad drivers and it's a good thing imo, if people who feel they don't have the necessary ability for it, stay off the road. Thats responsible in my view.

And sometimes people have lives where they just don't need to drive, or they've set things up to not need a car. It's no one's business bar theirs, providing they aren't expecting friends and colleagues to plug the gaps.

I am one of those people who shouldn’t be driving. I passed my test but have had several accidents as I have poor spacial awareness and coordination. My last RTA (my fault) wrote off two cars, as well as my mine and I received a police caution. I needed hospital treatment for my injuries. Do you really think I should get back behind the wheel again?

If anyone gets really pushy and a few do - just vaugly mention medcial reasons and if they ask further questions - and some people will - decline to talk about your meidcal history with them.

It a lack of imagination from so many - they can't image not driving therefore no-one else life can possible work.

I wouldn't live rurally and not drive but living in cities it's possible - and with modern apps that track buses or foldable bikes - including electric bikes-often easier than ever before.

It is different though suddenly not being able to drive and then having to adapt and setting up your life knowing you don't so make sure you are near things.

I think the issue is that for most people, the only reason the non-drivers in their life get away with not bothering to learn is because they rely on everyone else to ferry them around. I can't even count the number of times I have been asked if I will pick a colleague up from the train or bus station each morning or drop them off at the end of the day, if I'll do the long drive for friends who won't learn, had to arrange plans around people who refuse to drive, etc. Growing up my mother refused to learn and I saw the toll it took on my dad, having to drop her off and pick her up from work at ridiculous times when public transport wasn't running.

Unless there's a really solid medical reason why someone simply can't, it's just selfish unless you never ask anyone else for lifts. Even if you can get around via public transport okay right now, that doesn't mean you'll always be able to. You limit yourself massively in terms of jobs, housing options and so forth.

I guess it just seems a bit embarrassing to have got well into adulthood and still never bothered. However I would never go out of my way to tell someone that, it's not my business. Just being honest here cos you've raised the topic.

It's a basic life skill. Very few people who don't drive have a genuine reason for not doing so, lots of justifications but few real reasons. Most I know who can't, seem to be a bit Peter pan in that they don't seem to want to grow up. I don't give it much thought as it doesn't affect me. I do judge when they try to get lifts etc. I think it must be very limiting around hobbies and sports. Oh and you can drive with epilepsy as long as it's controlled/other conditions.

When you say you don't drive, it sounds as if you've made a decision, rather like saying I don't eat meat. If you say you can't drive then it just doesn't invite the same curiosity.

I have dyspraxia could technically drive - manged to pass test second time- but it hard with poor special awarness and frankly why do drivers want someone more likely to be in an accident on roads with them.

It is occaionally a pain - it was with Dad funeral in more rural location than we live- 4 taxi and three time price no idea why as DMum since taken taxis in area with half the cost and same distance.

We live in cities with decent transport and some local amenities GP, shop, cash machine and bus stops. DH doesn't drive either and doesn't ever want to - his parenst donlt drive in their 70s now. I think he dislikes getting buses often suggest taxi but he fine on trains and biking. I don't tend to feel judge on public tranport though it can be a trial in cold or if it's disrupted or just general poor behavior of gneral public.

Managed non driving even with three young kids and no car and lived all over the country - my parents who did drive eneded up house bound and these days most things can be delivered so managed.

I'm very sorry you have been treated this way @Ceriane How rude of people to go at you like this. If people cannot be bothered to learn, and are just happy to let others ferry them about, then of course people are going to be annoyed, and comment. But if someone has had a good go at it and not managed to pass their test (or if they have health issues that prevent them from driving,) then it's extremely unfair to berate them for not being able to drive.

It's so hard these days to learn to drive too, as you have to wait about 5-6 months for a bloody driving test! And if you fail, you have to wait another 5-6 months! And it's so expensive too (to learn!) I know SIX young people right now (between 19 and 26) who have tried to learn over the past 2-4 years, and they got so sick of it, (and struggled so much with the expense!) that they all got motorbikes!

I hope you do pass one day (if you want to.)

I am shocked that a third of people voting (on your poll) think YABU! How can they think this?! You have TRIED!