Page 20 | Friend asked dh for 2 year loan

ParsnipPuree · 2025-04-25T11:19:52+00:00

Dh’s closest friend broke down to dh and told him he’s in trouble. Owes £25k to a friend who now needs it back. Dh offered to help on the basis it’s payed back in instalments every month for up to 2 years. I am friends with his wife who is oblivious. Her dh won’t confide in her. She doesn’t know there’s a problem so will carry on as normal. I don’t think she’s a big spender but that’s not the point. They had a week away shortly before her dh and mine had this conversation. Im angry because if there was a medical situation they couldn’t cover, that would be one thing but they’re obviously living beyond their means. Dh is taking the money out his company so it doesn’t affect me. If my friend knew she’d be mortified.

Middlechild3 · 25/04/2025 14:34

ParsnipPuree · 25/04/2025 12:29

That’s a point.. hadn’t even thought about tax. He is his best friend and it’s so sad. Dh insists he 100% believes he’ll get it back. If he didn’t, that’s when I’d tell my friend.

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If he can't afford to pay the other lender back he can't afford to pay your husband back. It should be a firm no and his wife should be made aware. You possibly don't know the real reason why he owes £25k!

diddl · 25/04/2025 14:34

he’s a giver,

That's just as well!

You're sounding as daft as him though.

Have you suggested it be paid directly to whom it is owed?
(If that person really exists?)

grumpygrape · 25/04/2025 14:33

WilfredsPies · 25/04/2025 14:31

The only possible way that this could ever work is if the friend was completely honest with his wife and they radically overhauled their spending so that every spare penny went on paying back the debt. If he isn’t doing that, then the only thing that is going to happen is that they’re going to get deeper and deeper in debt and then his choices are bankruptcy (not what you want if you work in finance; will possibly mean the loss of his job) or he’ll be borrowing money from the sort of people who definitely won’t be letting him pay it back in dribs or drabs. The situation needs to end now, before he gets in beyond the point of return. If your DH lends him the money, then he’s just enabling his friend to get himself deeper in. If it were my best friend, I’d want to do everything possible to come clean with their spouse and help them get on a budget and stick to it. Your DH would not be helping him. He’d be giving him a bandaid. As it stands, he may as well gift him the money because he’s never going to see more than 5k of it again, and that’s being very optimistic.

There’s something a bit off here. What is his other friend going to do if this man says ‘no, I haven’t got the money and I don’t have the credit to borrow it. I told you I was going to pay it back in instalments. I will carry on doing that but if I had 25k laying around to give you, I wouldn’t have needed the loan in the first place’? And if he and DH are best friends, and he knows DH is in a position to lend that sort of money, then why wouldn’t he approach him in the first place? It’s making me wonder exactly who he borrowed the money from, and whether it’s either bailiffs time from someone legal, or repaying someone dodgy.

In the meantime, be prepared for your relation with your friend to be impacted. I don’t think you’d be human if you didn’t feel some sort of negative emotion watching her spend whatever she likes, even though you know she has no clue that it’s your family’s money she’s talking about spending on her next trip. Are you ready for that?

Nails it. 👏

WiddlinDiddlin · 25/04/2025 14:33

Whaaaaaaat? You can't 'just take the money out of the business' - a business is not a piggy bank. There will be tax implications and possibly other issues, and thats even if this loan is properly documented, repayment plan written up etc.

I would ask to see every scrap of paperwork ensuring that this loan is above board because whilst the business may not morally be yours if your name is on there ... then you might well be liable for any of the fall out!

Enrichetta · 25/04/2025 14:33

Both dh and I own equal shares in the company but it’s morally his as I don’t work. That’s why even though I want to, it’s not for me to say he can’t ‘lend’ it.

ffs, that's not how it works! There is no such thing as 'moral' vs actual liability.

You have equal shares so, if shit hits the fan, you are both equally liable.

Never mind the fact that your are, you know, married, and decisions of such magnitude are a joint responsibility.

You need to grow up and stop this ship from hitting the rocks!

WilfredsPies · 25/04/2025 14:31

The only possible way that this could ever work is if the friend was completely honest with his wife and they radically overhauled their spending so that every spare penny went on paying back the debt. If he isn’t doing that, then the only thing that is going to happen is that they’re going to get deeper and deeper in debt and then his choices are bankruptcy (not what you want if you work in finance; will possibly mean the loss of his job) or he’ll be borrowing money from the sort of people who definitely won’t be letting him pay it back in dribs or drabs. The situation needs to end now, before he gets in beyond the point of return. If your DH lends him the money, then he’s just enabling his friend to get himself deeper in. If it were my best friend, I’d want to do everything possible to come clean with their spouse and help them get on a budget and stick to it. Your DH would not be helping him. He’d be giving him a bandaid. As it stands, he may as well gift him the money because he’s never going to see more than 5k of it again, and that’s being very optimistic.

There’s something a bit off here. What is his other friend going to do if this man says ‘no, I haven’t got the money and I don’t have the credit to borrow it. I told you I was going to pay it back in instalments. I will carry on doing that but if I had 25k laying around to give you, I wouldn’t have needed the loan in the first place’? And if he and DH are best friends, and he knows DH is in a position to lend that sort of money, then why wouldn’t he approach him in the first place? It’s making me wonder exactly who he borrowed the money from, and whether it’s either bailiffs time from someone legal, or repaying someone dodgy.

In the meantime, be prepared for your relation with your friend to be impacted. I don’t think you’d be human if you didn’t feel some sort of negative emotion watching her spend whatever she likes, even though you know she has no clue that it’s your family’s money she’s talking about spending on her next trip. Are you ready for that?

Pessismistic · 25/04/2025 14:29

ParsnipPuree · 25/04/2025 13:11

Thank you all. No I am NOT comfortable with it at all. The bottom line is think is that his family have a lifestyle they can’t really afford.. maybe his salary varies and hasn’t been good this year. Wife doesn’t work and they go on quite a few holidays a year. It’s not her I blame it’s him!!! She’ll never know I knew unless I tell her. He’s never asked dh for a penny before.

Have you thought he might need this money because of his wife. If there going on holidays and they have that much debt something isn’t right. If he’s too scared to tell her ask yourself why? And like someone else said if it comes out eventually she will blow up at you for not telling her. What if something happened to him and he couldn’t work what then? It might be your dh company but he will essentially pay tax on this then if he doesn’t get paid he’s losing even more money your dh would be best saying I would lend it based on your wife knowing so if anything happens to you it’s her debt. Sorry to be harsh but why should you bail him out. How’s he going to change they are obviously living beyond their means.

ForeverDelayedEpiphany · 25/04/2025 14:28

Nope, no, nah, definitely not.

I won't try to say 'no' in any other way. 😆

Just NO.

Summerseagull · 25/04/2025 14:28

Op
You say no
And mean it
You will never see that money again
It will be one sob story after another

123EndOfRope67 · 25/04/2025 14:27

My parents had a friend exactly like that. They helped him out loads for years. Turned out he had a gambling addiction AND a mistress. The friendship went sour and my parents never saw most of the money back (initially he did pay back but he came for more loans etc).

When the wife found out, a mix of anger about being kept in the dark and embarrassment meant she barely spoke to my mum anymore.

Original poster

ParsnipPuree · 25/04/2025 14:26

The irony is this guy is in finance himself. The reason I stated the amount in my op was otherwise people might think it was a couple of hundred quid. I genuinely don’t believe it’s gambling, it’s living beyond their means which is easy with 4 kids.

I’ve told dh if he defaults on one payment and my friend tells me they’re going away, I’m telling her. It also pisses me off that he asked dh not to tell me, which is lying to his wife.

And it pisses me off even more that he hasn’t been clear to me about the tax implications. The sum is a small part of a sum in the company that we were going to use for an investment flat. Dh always said he’d be taxed on it if took it out.. but funny no mention of tax on this!! He must think I’m an idiot.. which I am.

Believe it or not he is no fool, which most of you will not believe.. and I don’t blame you. He just has an incredibly kind heart, he’s a giver, and he couldn’t stand seeing his bestie break down in tears. Both dh and I own equal shares in the company but it’s morally his as I don’t work. That’s why even though I want to, it’s not for me to say he can’t ‘lend’ it.

I’ve taken on all your comments which are totally justified and I’m going to speak to him again.

OP posts:

BlackWhiteCircle · 25/04/2025 14:26

Is he really going to be able to pay back a grand a month? Over 2 years? Without his wife knowing? Of course he needs the money, his friend he borrowed money off isn’t being paid back and has threatened to tell his wife if he doesn’t get it back.

Profhilodisaster · 25/04/2025 14:25

AthWat · 25/04/2025 14:00

Is he giving the money directly to the other friend that apparently needs paying back?

No, you say?

How strange, it's almost as if he's not going to use the money to pay the other friend back at all.

Very good point

Summerseagull · 25/04/2025 14:24

I would never agree to that

Never lend money you can't afford to loose

diddl · 25/04/2025 14:23

I mean call me cynical but

He says he agreed with the previous friend to pay back in instalments which he was doing, but this friend needed the money back pronto.😂😂

Why is that your husband's problem?

How has it ever got to 25k?

Well if your husband is happy to never see the money again...

Enrichetta · 25/04/2025 14:23

No I am NOT comfortable with it at all.

What is actually stopping you from putting your foot down and tell him this is not happening, @ParsnipPuree ?

Grow a backbone, for goodness sake!

jsy44 · 25/04/2025 14:22

Send him to CAB for advice. He's clearly not fit to work in finance himself.

FunMustard · 25/04/2025 14:20

They must have a fair bit of disposable income if he can pay your husband back over £1000 a month and have his wife not know!

Amba1998 · 25/04/2025 14:20

DoYouReally · 25/04/2025 12:40

Your DH is bring extremely foolish.

Firstly, he needs to take to his accountant about doing this is the most tax efficient way and ensuring it's properly taxed and accounted for. A smart accountant will tell him he's daft but can't stop him.

If he still insists, he should have friend sign a properly documented loan agreement.

I used to work in debt recovery. I estimate about 25% of people get into difficulty through no fault of their own - job lodes, bereavement, illness etc.

The remainder do so because of stupidity, bad choices and overspending. They don't change and repeat the same patterns continuously.

Mainstream banks want to lend money. It's how they make money. If they won't let to his friend, there's a damn good reason.

IME, it's the decent genuine people and helpful (albeit naive) friends and family that get stung. They are the people who will help clear debt, make up arrears and have signed guarantees.

I would bet everything on your husband never receiving a penny. He is just replacing the poor idiot who lent the first time and will require another idiot to take out his loan if the friend can find one.

There's lots of other ways to help, pointing him to stepchange, helping with loan application, helping with budgeting etc.

The only way he should five his fridnd this money is if he considers it a gift and it's gone. The probability of getting is back is so low.

Agree with this.

your husband can’t just decide to loan money from his company. It’s not his money. It’s the company’s money. He needs professional advice before he gets himself in shit for trying to get his friend out of shit. Disaster written all over it

TheZippyBlueCat · 25/04/2025 14:17

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Channellingsophistication · 25/04/2025 14:17

It would be a big mistake to lend this money.

Clearly the friend has got into a desperate situation if they now need to borrow from one friend to pay back another. So clearly a history of borrowing money...

it's very kind your DH wants to help but it would be a massive mistake to lend it in my opinion

pikkumyy77 · 25/04/2025 14:16

ParsnipPuree · 25/04/2025 12:32

And no there’s no gambling/drug problem. They have quite a few kids so it’s easy to spend money.

You don’t know that. All you know is that “mr finance bro buddy” is so bad at finance that he already borrowed 25 thousand from some other fool, at no interest, and didn't pay it back. what us the plan this time if ladt time’s plan obviously didn’t work?

TheHallouminati · 25/04/2025 14:16

I mean a financial advisor is in a position of power over others people's finances. Who's to say he hasn't dipped into a client's pot and needs to pay it back to cover it up quickly?!
The whole situation is so so risky. What if there's money laundering going on?

Winter2020 · 25/04/2025 14:16

Strangeworldtoday · 25/04/2025 13:19

My DH has a wealthy friend who does personal loans as a side business to people he knows. He adds interest and creates an email based contract. We've borrowed money in this basis previously. If you need to change terms, extend the loan or reduce payments, take a payment break etc then its a conversation the same as with any other lender and terms change, interest is added etc He expects the money back and its all very clear as to what the agreement is.
I think it's ok to lend, but properly, with interest (less than a bank if preferable) and payment terms, penalties clear and with contract. Just a willy nilly handing over of 25 grand, then expect not to have it paid back

Surely unless he has a licence to do this he is an illegal money lender aka loan shark?

Purplesy · 25/04/2025 14:15

Honestly OP this is not the time to hold back.
Spell out to your husband that you will not be keeping this to yourself.
He is not a bank.
Does he want your relationship to suffer?
Because it will.

I couldn't be with a soft touch.