Friend asked dh for 2 year loan

What’s stopping him from remortgaging to get 25k

He's probably already tried that ... and the banks ... and other friends he's less bothered about losing ... and god knows what else

As for the story about the previous lender apparently giving him time but then suddenly "needing the money back pronto", this "friend" probably missed payments to them too and they were trying to get their money back while there was still something left

Like others I'm wondering if, with being "in finance", he's got his fingers burned and is desperately trying to cover up, and if so best wave goodbye to the money when it disappears into a black hole

(DH) told me - and you’re all going to say this is classic manipulation - that friend said he’s thought about ending his life over it

You're right, it's classic manipulation, but also an indication that other "lenders" will no longer touch him and that he needs to ramp up the story
Either way, and as said, the wife needs telling ... not if he "misses a payment" or whatever, but NOW

Also - has he never heard of a bank?

If the friend is feeling suicidal over his debt, it’s even more important that his wife becomes aware of their financial situation. You need to tell her.

The other point id make OP, is that you only need a quick scroll on MN to see that the wife probably knows something is a miss.
There was a lady on here not too long back, devastated to learn the debts her DH had wracked up. The lying made it all the more difficult, as she felt she didn’t know the person she was living with. She felt all kinds of things, but I imagine if a friend was in on the lie it would’ve made it 10x harder.

Believe it or not he is no fool, which most of you will not believe.. and I don’t blame you. He just has an incredibly kind heart, he’s a giver, and he couldn’t stand seeing his bestie break down in tears. Both dh and I own equal shares in the company but it’s morally his as I don’t work. That’s why even though I want to, it’s not for me to say he can’t ‘lend’ it.

@ParsnipPuree
As well as being an equal shareholder, are you a company director? because if you are then you have legal responsibilities towards the company.

As others have said, if this person has a spare £1,000 per month to consistently pay your DH back, then he isn't overspending on his current income is he. So in that case he should be able to secure a formal loan, or, he's lying. The very fact that his wife doesn't work and that they've just been on holiday, mean he isn't treating his position seriously.

As other have already said, talk to your DH about the tax implications and the implications both for the company and for the 'best' friendship if his friend defaults.

We all know that you should treat money loaned as gifted away, you can never be sure of getting it back and I certainly wouldn't be a party to deceiving his wife, that's absolutely not on.

He will have already mortgaged as much as possible, borrowed as much as he can from the bank, used up all credit card options, exhausted all possibilities from family members borrowed from other friends and now he he owes money in all those ways, he has got to your husband.

You have to wonder why he doesn't want his wife to know

You cannot possibly know his debts arent a result of gambling or drugs etc. Addicts are the best, most convincing liars on the planet and can be very charming and cunning. He's hardly going to ask your DH for money and tell him it's due to an addiction is he?

Just because you havent seen evidence of it, doesnt mean it isnt happening- hence the term "functional addict".

Its easy to assume the wife is over spending but utlimately its HE who has the debt and she apparently doesnt know about it- doesnt that seem rather odd to you, considering you think its all her spending habits causing this issue in the first place?

You are being lied to - he's got himself in some sort of financial shit and doesnt want her to know. That doesnt sound like simple over spending on her part to me.......

I think he needs to be clear to his friend that if there is one sniff of them frittering it on holidays, you want the payment back in full within 10 days.

But your DH also needs to tell his friend that he MUST tell his wife about the precarious position he has put her in.
And i would just keep saying the words "tax implications" to DH until he understands (but also, disentangle financially and the 25k comes out of his part)

@ParsnipPuree Does your husband own the company?
How would the money be accounted for at the end of the tax year?
It's potentially very dodgy if your husband claimed it was used for something else & couldn't provide any receipts/ contracts etc.
It's a lot of money to pay back in one year (to keep it within the current tax year).
Still a lot to pay back in 2.

The friend needs to tell his wife & they need to get proper financial advice. Imagine if they had to remortgage or take a loan secured on the house. It could be very hard on their marriage, but just imagine if she found out about the debt AND the 25k borrowed from your husband.

This ^^ 100%.

He's already borrowed €25,000 from another friend and hasn't paid it back. Now he's trying it with your DH. Who's to say he'll use that money to pay back the original loan?

No way would I be getting involved in this!

25 thousand pounds! That's a huge amount of money! I'm renovating my entire home and I'm not spending that much on a valuable asset! What if you need that money for your family?

Where the hell is he going to find £1k a month to pay you back? That's a lot of money every month for 2 years.

And your DH has to pay tax on it so you'll be down more money

This is madness. You have to tell him no.

I know you know this - but please also let your DH read this thread.

I had a friend who was known for borrowing "a few quid" from friends, and an "over spender". He was a lovely person and very personable. I would have said a good friend.

Everyone was unaware he was being chased by debt collectors right, left, and centre.

I think many of our mutual friends lost varying sums of money, I think in total "friends" were down about £75k when he went bankrupt and left the area, never to be seen again! It turned out that this was the third or fourth time he had done this.

None of them knew the others had lent money and several had had the same story "I need to pay something urgently, can I borrow £x"

It turned out one of them was that he had debt collectors on his doorstep for £30k for a Range Rover he had stopped paying for and "needed" to pay to keep the car. Common sense didn't enter into it, which would have been buy and run a cheaper car!

I didn't lose anything (thank goodness) as at the time was starting a new business and pretty strapped for cash, so when he asked me I had to say no, although would have lent him the money had I had it.

Now, with the benefit of hindsight, never lend anyone anything.

I lent some friends (a couple) £1k as they were on their backsides and were in desperate need. The wife phoned me in tears of gratitude and vowed to pay me back no matter what.... I didn't even get 1pence back and they just ignored me. Nothing written down so no leg to stand on. I lost some 'friends' at the cost of a grand. My advice is to steer well clear.

It’s a no from me

Please don't do it. You'll get the first couple, maybe even a few, payments back, then it'll dwindle to dribs and drabs, then nothing. No money back, and no friendship.

I would not be surprised if there was more than one loan out there with friends.

On second thoughts I’d call his wife and tell her. He’s made his finances my business. It’s more her business than your business but he has opted to make it your problem, so I’d call her. If their family is going to be in debt by 25k to my family I’d be telling her.

Yes may lose her as a friend blah blah blah, but when he defaults it’s going to be rather awkward anyway. Then when she says ‘I’m so sorry friend why didn’t you tell me?’ What do you say ‘oh I’m a liar too’.

You are all going to be lying by omission. I wouldn’t allow myself to be turned into a liar for some man who lies to his wife and thinks I’m dumb.

Lots of suggestions but the easiest one is to put your foot down and say no.

Absolutely not. If you are mug enough to go ahead,it would have to be on the the condition that his wife knows everything Inc the loan.

Does the friend have a car or something else of value that he could use as security. He could put the car in your husbands name. Alternatively could he put a charge on the house?

“I’ve told dh if he defaults on one payment and my friend tells me they’re going away, I’m telling her. It also pisses me off that he asked dh not to tell me, which is lying to his wife.”

OP, just how patronising is it of this man to need a loan of £25k and not to tell his wife? And to expect your DH not to tell you? And what kind of a friend are you, not to tell your friend, the wife? All this secrecy will come to no good. Clearly, he hasn’t told his DW what a financial pickle he’s got himself into, which makes me wonder why - if they are living beyond their means, she needs to know so she can do something about it. If it’s something more serious, then it’s only fair to her to know about that. This is not going to end well, no matter what - but if you were my friend and you knew about something like this and didn’t tell me, I’d be fuming. This whole thing raises so many questions - the DFriend is in finance, yet had to borrow from another “friend” who now, suddenly, needs his money back so he’s turned to your DH - if as a family you can afford to lose £25k, then on your own heads be it, because that’s what will happen. I’d be much more concerned about my own family’s well-being - I hate to say it, but this so-called “friend” saw your DH coming. There is something very wrong about this whole situation - I think your DH needs to walk away.

I’ve told dh if he defaults on one payment and my friend tells me they’re going away, I’m telling her. It also pisses me off that he asked dh not to tell me, which is lying to his wife

And what makes you so sure your husband will let you know if he defaults, he might keep it from you so as to avoid an "I told you so " situation.

@ParsnipPureegod forbid but what if your family’s circumstances (health, work, other) change radically & you find you desperately need that £25 for yourselves?? It’s just such a large amount & like you say was to be used to purchase a property. I borrowed a similar sum from a friend (who actually volunteered it to me) where my imminent property sale was guaranteed to be able to repay her within months. But out of protection to her I had it written into my will for her to be repaid should anything fatal prevent me from being able to. That may be an extreme measure but I felt awful about borrowing it & uncomfortable until it was repaid. It will really gall as you say if you see them splurging on another holiday but what’s to stop them if his DW doesn’t know? If he’s concealing it from her how or why is she going to change the lifestyle she’s accustomed to? It will really gall if you for unexpected reasons, find yourselves in need of that money yourselves. Have you thought she also may be extremely angry & disappointed with you if his debts spiral, they lose their house etc & she finds out you knew all along & loaned him more? & in effect fed his addiction & got into more debt? Delayed his opportunity to get help? If he’s in Finance then he will have exhausted all the obvious options so the amount he owes is likely to much larger than what he’s admitting to your DH. I know it’s your DH who’s making this decision & it sounds like it’s already a done deal. But has he considered all these eventualities?