Friend asked dh for 2 year loan

ParsnipPuree · 2025-04-25T11:19:52+00:00

Dh’s closest friend broke down to dh and told him he’s in trouble. Owes £25k to a friend who now needs it back. Dh offered to help on the basis it’s payed back in instalments every month for up to 2 years. I am friends with his wife who is oblivious. Her dh won’t confide in her. She doesn’t know there’s a problem so will carry on as normal. I don’t think she’s a big spender but that’s not the point. They had a week away shortly before her dh and mine had this conversation. Im angry because if there was a medical situation they couldn’t cover, that would be one thing but they’re obviously living beyond their means. Dh is taking the money out his company so it doesn’t affect me. If my friend knew she’d be mortified.

LavenderFields7 · 30/04/2025 19:17

That’s good to hear 👍

pinkyredrose · 30/04/2025 19:09

ParsnipPuree · 30/04/2025 15:09

Thank you so much. I’d love to take the credit but something happened which would be too outing to post here and dh realised he couldn’t. I certainly used the advice I was given here though when trying to talk him round. Thank you all again.

Phew! Good result Op! Your husband sounds like a good 'un. The friend will have to take responsibility for himself.

auderesperare · 30/04/2025 15:53

ParsnipPuree · 30/04/2025 15:09

Thank you so much. I’d love to take the credit but something happened which would be too outing to post here and dh realised he couldn’t. I certainly used the advice I was given here though when trying to talk him round. Thank you all again.

A good outcome all round by the sounds of things and I’m sure you’ll sleep easier, knowing you are not tied up with the deception of his wife.
I hope you DH’s friend gets the support he needs and his marriage and livelihood survive this crisis. DH sounds like a loyal friend but as you know yourself, and as so many on this thread have pointed out, friendship and loaning big sums of money is often a recipe for heartache, especially when one half of a couple is kept in the dark.

Original poster

ParsnipPuree · 30/04/2025 15:09

Thank you so much. I’d love to take the credit but something happened which would be too outing to post here and dh realised he couldn’t. I certainly used the advice I was given here though when trying to talk him round. Thank you all again.

OP posts:

Spicedpear · 29/04/2025 21:46

Wow well that’s a turn of events! Well done OP sounds like your bombarding & cross examining him (thanks hopefully in some small part to the collective outrage on here) got him to reconsider. Difficult knowing what you do & his DW is in the dark. I’d find that pretty awkward. Hope the friend doesn’t resent or blame you for it. But a great outcome.

TheHerboriste · 29/04/2025 19:27

How did the friend react??

Ooral · 29/04/2025 19:12

ParsnipPuree · 29/04/2025 10:01

Funnily enough Seafloral, all my educated (as am I) professional girlfriends are very happily living ‘like me’.. retired early and enjoying life with their families and friends.

With regards to this issue, turns out I must’ve had a say as after a lengthy conversation, dh has decided against lending his friend the money.

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Glad to hear that!

TropicofCapricorn · 29/04/2025 16:31

fashionqueen0123 · 29/04/2025 14:19

Thank god for that!

Unless he's lying...

Bushmillsbabe · 29/04/2025 16:28

ParsnipPuree · 29/04/2025 10:01

Funnily enough Seafloral, all my educated (as am I) professional girlfriends are very happily living ‘like me’.. retired early and enjoying life with their families and friends.

With regards to this issue, turns out I must’ve had a say as after a lengthy conversation, dh has decided against lending his friend the money.

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Has he though? Or has he decided that the path of least resistance is to tell you he has changed his mind, whilst carrying on? After all, you said further up that if you did something he didn't like he wouldn't tell you about anything in the future?
I hope this is genuinely the case, for all concerned though, but from everything you have said, I have my doubts

LittleBigHead · 29/04/2025 15:08

With regards to this issue, turns out I must’ve had a say as after a lengthy conversation, dh has decided against lending his friend the money.

That is good to read.

fashionqueen0123 · 29/04/2025 14:19

Thank god for that!

Seafloral · 29/04/2025 12:15

ParsnipPuree · 29/04/2025 10:01

Funnily enough Seafloral, all my educated (as am I) professional girlfriends are very happily living ‘like me’.. retired early and enjoying life with their families and friends.

With regards to this issue, turns out I must’ve had a say as after a lengthy conversation, dh has decided against lending his friend the money.

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Retired early suggests you're funding your own retirement which in your case you aren't. But hey ho, semantics. Glad your DH has seen sense. Guess MN proved useful in helping you both.

BlackWhiteCircle · 29/04/2025 11:18

Still think that the only reason he needs the money is the previous person he has borrowed it from has been defaulted on and done the same as you. Repay me it all or I tell your wife. So he’s moved onto the next victim and it repeats. Interest free amongst all his friends! Ask who the previous lender was and what they say about it! Clearly couldn’t pay them back!

Original poster

ParsnipPuree · 29/04/2025 10:42

angela1952 · 29/04/2025 10:35

Thank heavens for that @ParsnipPuree

Thank you! Yes.

OP posts:

angela1952 · 29/04/2025 10:35

Thank heavens for that @ParsnipPuree

binkie163 · 29/04/2025 10:21

@ParsnipPuree
dh has decided against lending his friend the money.

That must be a relief, it was never going to end well.

stampin · 29/04/2025 10:02

Huh?

Original poster

ParsnipPuree · 29/04/2025 10:01

Seafloral · 28/04/2025 22:31

If you've actually run your own business then I'm surprised you don't know more about the responsibilities of being a director then. Equally I very much doubt your life was ever like mine. A professional, educated woman couldn't live like you are with your head in the sand. Enjoy the holidays and adoring your life, a far cry from your first few posts in which you said it would have a very negative effect on your marriage if your DP went ahead and did this. I guess you have no say though.

Funnily enough Seafloral, all my educated (as am I) professional girlfriends are very happily living ‘like me’.. retired early and enjoying life with their families and friends.

With regards to this issue, turns out I must’ve had a say as after a lengthy conversation, dh has decided against lending his friend the money.

OP posts:

TropicofCapricorn · 29/04/2025 09:58

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interesting.

What made him change his mind?

ParsnipPuree · 29/04/2025 09:55

This reply has been withdrawn

This message has been withdrawn at the poster's request

Winter2020 · 29/04/2025 09:48

Nanasueathome · 28/04/2025 16:02

Coming back to the request for £25K
If DH’s friend borrowed from someone else, has been paying that person back as was initially agreed, how much did he ‘borrow’ in the first instance?

I do think it would be worth paying to the person owed direct (if you go lend it). The chap might only owe someone 10k but added some on for a nice long haul holiday and a safety net.

TropicofCapricorn · 28/04/2025 23:15

ParsnipPuree · 28/04/2025 17:19

Oh I see now what this is about for you Seafloral. Well I’ve had your life, supporting myself with my own business.. point is I adore my life now with dh, traveling the world with friends and our lovely family (he can work from anywhere) and I wouldn’t trade with you for the world.
Not wanting to upset you but nothing unraveling here, we both very much appreciate our lives and our marriage built on honesty and gratitude.

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It's built in honesty until you tell the wife and then he will withold information... ?

TropicofCapricorn · 28/04/2025 23:13

You did start the thread with quite a different attitude to this £25,000.

You started by saying it was too much, DH is being taken for a soft touch, it would affect your marriage negatively. You categorically said your are "NOT comfortable with it at all" and essentially you're angry with DH for doing this.

But now it's different somehow? What's changed? You seem to be fine with DH and telling us how wonderful he is? Despite him giving his friend a £25,000 gift that will mean YOU and DH will have to pay £25,000 back to the company.

Seafloral · 28/04/2025 22:31

If you've actually run your own business then I'm surprised you don't know more about the responsibilities of being a director then. Equally I very much doubt your life was ever like mine. A professional, educated woman couldn't live like you are with your head in the sand. Enjoy the holidays and adoring your life, a far cry from your first few posts in which you said it would have a very negative effect on your marriage if your DP went ahead and did this. I guess you have no say though.

Goody2ShoesAndTheFilthyBeast · 28/04/2025 20:32

Maybe your husband should ask the last person to lend this guy money whether he made the payments on time before he asked for it all back.

At least that would rule out the possibility he borrows from friends and then dicks them about until they threaten him with court then he lines up the next one.