Is it impolite to be referred to as "the wife"?

'The wife' is a phrase men only use when they're trying to convey annoyance, like their wife is just an irritating object that gets in their way. It's the sort of thing you'd get in a Bernard Manning stand-up routine. I associate it very much with very tiresome older men who are members of golf clubs and dress like Alan Partridge. For example, I bet Nigel Farage says 'the wife'. I hate it.

Thirty-odd years ago when I was 18 or 19 I worked in a newsagent and there was an incredibly annoying middle-aged man who used to come in to collect his reserved newspapers and magazines every day and he would always say 'Oh, and have you got that silly nonsense for the wife?' by which he meant her monthly copy of something like Woman & Home or Good Housekeeping that she had on order. And he would occasionally buy a box of Terry's All Gold or something 'for the wife so I won't be in the dog-house' after some misdemeanour or other.

Ugh. I once worked with someone who talked like this - his partner was 'the missus' and I was 'boss'. I was his line manager but really. It was like being in a 1970s sitcom.

Who are you babysitting for?

Yes, it is rude, in fact I’d go further and say his language is objectifying you. It’s deeply sexist and degrading. That coupled with him referring to be parenting as babysitting duties would result in some very serious words in my house. He needs to grow up. The babysitting comment negates every single thing you do. He doesn’t recognise the value you bring. I’d be putting him right on that very quickly.

As for the ellipses, they are passive aggressive, replace them with an eye roll or a big sigh. Basically he’s saying he can’t have any fun and it’s your fault as you are expecting him (quite righty) to do his share on parenting/participating in family life.

This exactly

I’m divorced now but my ex h used to refer to me as “the wife” or “the missus”.

I didn’t even like “ my wife”.

To me it took away my identity as a person. He got told to use my name.

Whats wrong with using your name?
Agree with pp that he doesn’t like admitting to his mates that he’s got parenting responsibilities and you’re his ball and chain as a wife, keeping him from enjoying himself.
Maybe a sad “ Macho” thing ?

My mum always hated it and I do too. What's wrong with sayinh my wife or just, surprise, surprise, using her name?

Also "the missus" another one I don't like.

I hope the acquaintance asked him who you were both babysitting for?

Just treat him the same and refer to him as "the husband" or "him indoors" in company, he'll get the message

It’s a demeaning term. It puts a wife in the same category as a dog.

I can’t stand it either. ‘My wife’ is perfectly fine but not ‘The wife’. Even worse is ‘The missus’ 😡

Of course it’s rude. He could use your fucking name — it’s not as though he changes spouse so often it’s a struggle to remember! I won’t even get started on the phraseology. He can’t do whatever it is because he’s looking after his own children.

Hate this. My dm used to give off to my df when he said this. Dh knows not to say this. 9

yeah its lads' talk to make him look like this great, manly guy who is (eyerolling) being kept at home by the ball and chain. It's more macho than saying "sorry mate, I'm with the kids that day" or, God forbid "sorry no, got a great day planned with the kids and soft play"