I’ve become ugly and it’s affecting my life

I've had a really, really hard two years and I honestly can't believe how much it has aged me.

Two years ago I look at least 5 years younger than I do now.

It's up to you how much intervention you what to do, but what has helped me is:

Botox to lift my brows and help with the line between them.

Tretinion to increase cell turnover, which has got rid of old acne marks, helped my pores and in general the overall condition of my face. Brands like Elemis are a nice luxury, but actives like Tretinion and the Peel Pads I mention next are what will make a visible difference. I go cheap on cleanser and moisteriser (Vanicream).

Dr Dennis Gross Intensive Peel Pads used twice a week make my skin glow like nothing I've ever used before. (These are pricey so I cut them in half so actually use one pad a week total).

Davines OI range has got my hair back to its best.

I purchased a few new clothing items that make me feel really great.

I've also gone keto. Something about this diet really works for me. My hair and nails are stronger and growing noticeably faster. I have more energy and I am losing weight without calorie counting.

But, I have also come to accept that whilst these things do help me feel good... There's nothing that will turn back time.

Our life experiences shape us both inside and out and sometimes we can't help how they impact our outward appearance.

But it's important to be kind to ourselves because I promise that in 10 years we will look back on ourselves now and think we are so young and beautiful.

Only make cosmetic changes if it will make you happy. I bet your toddler thinks you are the most beautiful mum in the world.

Yes totally ,I look so much older since I've lost weight
But I looked so much younger being fatter .. perhaps I just look my age now .
Anyway I would still rather have my neck than the extra weight

Having a toddler is exhausting - I felt like that in my early thirties with a toddler. Give it a couple of years of decent sleep and getting a bit more down time and it makes a HUGE difference. I look healthier in my late 30s than I did 5/6 years younger with a young child. I also listened to the Jimmy Carr Diary of a CEO episode which genuinely changed my outlook. He said that in ten years, we'd give almost anything to be as young, energetic and bright as we are now. If we can just capture that feeling earlier and appreciate the way we are now, there's real power in that.

Also...I found Retinol serum works wonders and is cheap and quick!

There is nothing uglier than a person who focuses on being ugly. Focus on your friends, family, neighbours, community, society. Commit the time you are spending on being ugly and do nice stuff for yourself and others. Only then will you be less ugly.

If you have a toddler that’s the reason. Little kids drain the life out of you. You’ve had a pregnancy, hormone fluctuations, lack of sleep - it really does age you. Plus you stop prioritising yourself - it’s just about getting through each day. Once you get a bit more time, and recover from having a baby then you’ll start to look and feel better. Do you have time to do any exercise? Even a little bit, a new class, or nice walks will help to feel better and more positive about yourself.

To go against the grain and not suggest beauty treatments and/or surgery (wtf?) you might take a leaf out of this wonderful woman’s book and embrace the change in years and how ageing isn’t something to be feared. She’s older than you, she’s in the public eye - or very much used to be - and lives with and loves her evolution.

https://thekit.ca/beauty/celebrity-beauty/justine-bateman-face-age/

Bravo on pursuing your weight goals. A saggy neck never harmed anyone’s health!

I hope you find a balance that feels good for you. I do think there is truth in the fact we must “choose between bum and face” after a certain age . Lots of larger ladies have very youthful faces, so there’s always going to be swings and roundabouts.

take control- eat healthy, exercise, lose any extra pounds, get enough sleep, learn something new, order some new clothes/clear your wardrobe out, new jewellery, new hair cut? Nails, maybe visit the Boots counter to ask for make up tips. Do you spend time to pamper yourself? Bath, moisturising, doing nails. Always take make up off at night and moisturise your face, neck and top of chest. Get out and make some new friends with a hobby. Ive started taking collagen and a daily vitamin.

im sure you dont look as bad as you think op x

Op, some quick wins that might help: try some face yoga (use Google to find exercises) just 10 mins a day, this will increase muscle tone in your face, drink more water, take daily multivitamins. Massage your scalp with some oil before washing hair. Good luck, it is hard to find time for self care amongst the chaos!

I've recently lost 5 stone and I've another 5 to go
Whenever I lost weight before I always felt so much better about myself
This time I've got a saggy neck ,and I keep seeing people on social media mentioning it as a bad thing and looking to get cosmetic surgery on it
And it's made me so self conscious and every time someone looks at me ,I think that they are looking at my neck .
But I didn't feel like this untill I saw so much in the media about women's knecks and aging
Sometimes I think we women are our own worse enemies
I've never felt attractive in my whole life
The thinnest I've ever been was a size 12/14 at college in the nineties and even then I was seen as a big girl ,and the fattest in my class ,it knocked my confidence with men ..
Yet I'd kill to be that size now .
My neck is going to get worse because I've more weight to loose , nothing I can do about it ..but I'm deliberately avoiding watching anything negative about necks

My number one tips are strength training and face yoga. My neck improved massively when I was lifting heavy weights, it was like solid muscle. We lose muscle mass every year at like 0.05% so by 30s its on the decline but strength training retains it. Plus the style makeover like others have suggested.

Its not ageing , it's becoming higher maintenance 😂, that's what I'm viewing it as.

I think we grow up surrounded by judgmental ideas about ageing, then we get older and the body changes....

It feels like a massive injustice but thats because we've been trying to keep up with an internalised beauty standard. Setting beauty goals is good but also set mental goals like using positive self talk.

Adapt everything for a better mind state e.g. daily routines, mindset, social media content/ideas you surround yourself with.

Nope, you just have a toddler! I'm in my 30's and often feel I look old and tired... pretty sure it's the combination lack of sleep and trying to keep adventurous children with no sense of danger alive and well.

My mum looks similar in photos of when I was tiny. Now she looks bloody radiant because she's stress free, sleeps, relaxes and takes care of herself.

Ok am going to get it deleted as I should have put " uglier" in quotes. I dont think aging naturally is ugly, but clearly didnt express it well.

As well as receding, teeth apparently start to move forwards as we age which changes the face shape. That could be what you are meaning. This can actually have jaw alignment and postural issues etc so I think this is something you could look into. They have very unobtrusive orthodontic appliances these days and that might be something with both cosmetic and postural benefit. Skin … not much you can do beyond waste money on miracle cures but hair can be revivified with deep conditioning and maybe a new cut? It’s good you don’t use heat.,

Similar age, with 2 kids, and yes, I look dreadful. Ironically this has allowed me to at last see how pretty I was in my youth (never felt good enough at the time).
My husband assures me I'm still beautiful, so as long as those rose glasses stay in place I won't worry too much, but I do feel embarrassed sometimes when dealing with the (very image conscious) world in general.

Start taking some hair skin and nails vitamins and a vitamin d. Sunscreen.

I don’t know your budget but sauna/steam/cold plunge /facegym will help with skin and blood flow

start doing some light exercise, preferably outside for a walk daily

but think less of it as being ugly and more likely that you are tired busy and postpartum. The best cure is time for yourself and self care

How nasty and insensitive 😒

I’m concerned that this is all in your head. Yes, small kids are draining, but your teeth haven’t become smaller in two years. It’s impossible. Are you feeling generally down? You are still young. Tired maybe, but young.

Why are there so many threads about "ugly people" today?

When I look back at photos of me when my children were small I look so haggard. I was shattered. Incredibly sleep deprived. No time for self care. No sleep. Even my skin looks a different colour. I swear breastfeeding literally sucked the life out of me.

10 years later and I’ve made big lifestyle changes. More sleep as the kids have become more independent. Better diet. No alcohol. More exercise. More money for self care products. Different clothes. I used to live in leggings and massive jumpers. Honestly, I look so much better now I’m 10 years older.

I read somewhere that having children in your late 30s accelerates aging (I am literally in the same boat as you regarding everything you said in your post). Having had a baby at 39 I feel I have aged rapidly. I haven’t recovered from the pregnancy or birth at all. It’s so normal not to feel your best after having a baby. It takes a while.

I do also think seeing everyone filtered skews our brains idea of what is normal. Remember they don’t even look like that photo that’s been filtered and worked on.

Botox and filler can make a difference if you fancy that. But please don’t be hard on yourself. What we see as imperfections other people look upon as beauty. I bet you’re absolutely lovely and I can guarantee your little one thinks you’re the most beautiful thing they’ve ever seen.

♥️

Thread lifts work a treat in the early stages and are minimally invasive.

You’re 39 with a toddler, you are not old, but when was the last time you took care of yourself? Focus on feeling good on the inside, how is your diet and gut health, do you get out for a walk every day?

I’m mid 50s and my kids are gone, I look back at pictures from when they were younger and honestly mostly I look haggard and exhausted, sure I look younger but I do think I look better and definitely healthier now.

Ageing never bothered me until recently when I lost 5 stone at 63. My neck now looks like a 90 year olds scrotum. I'm off to Turkey at the end of the year for a full plane facelift. I'm not living with that neck!!!!
I remember looking awful after I gave birth OP, I think it's the hormones or something then it all improved a few years later.
Whatever happens you can change it just make sure you do your research thoroughly.

You need to stop talking/thinking about yourself using terms like ugly. You had a kid, yes they steal your life force and age you, and obviously getting older ages you too. You were never going to look the same way forever, but you sound like you have lost a lot is self-esteem and are seeing flaws where there aren’t any. If I were you I’d focus on valuing yourself for other things than your looks and making peace with your own face - it’s the only one you’ll ever have, and in 10, 20 etc years you’ll look back and think ‘what was I on about?’.