Weird and offensive or I am overreacting?

Yes! The idea of texting messages on your way to work seems weird to me.

Years of therapy has been required to help me see how my life has involved coercion, gaslighting and much worse since childhood.

So now, I personally refuse to ever suggest anyone actually is, or even use the word 'over sensitive'. I have removed it from my vocabulary. Also, ' over reacting' is a term that I don't think I ever use or will again.

This language is always used to minimise. I no longer believe there's such a thing as being over sensitive. There's almost always a back story, a reason. It is nearly always a logical response.

OP is starting to unpick it all. The fact OP felt she must apologise explains exactly how insidious this stuff is. I used to regularly apologise to coercive, emotionally abusive people.

This isn't ok.

Yeah, he can fuck off with that. Go have lunch with your colleagues. Controlling bs from him because he's insecure. Not your problem. He doesn't own you.

Why do you think he is so PA agd under hand in his approach?
Because it allows him to do exactly that. To dismiss you and any issue you have with his behaviour.
To ensure he is still looking like the good guy.
But at the same time, he doesn’t have to take responsibility for his behaviour and make it all your fault fur reacting.

You're not going to get anywhere if you carry on thinking he has a point,

You are not over-reacting. Even out of context, without the many other red flags, that message was "off"

He IS wrong and he is refusing to see the pattern of his behaviour because, well, that suits him just fine and he can carry on being a controlling a**ehole.

Also his bad behaviour is NOT her responsibility.

I would have read this as his saying to remember he is there for you, expecially with all the x's. It doesn't sound like a dig to me at all. You will know him best, but as you say, there is nothing in your behaviour to suggest you need reminding that you're married so I doubt it was a dig.

It doesn’t say lunch bag, it says X bag which is a type of bag I have never seen anyone else with and I don’t want to be identified.

A bag can out people now?

Anyway I'd be more concerned about his jealousy and the fact he left without speaking to you because he thought you wouldn't want sex later.

About the lunch, is he packing you food that he thinks may make you put on weight so that other men won't fancy you?

I thought the message was weird and needy from the off but the responses from people who continue to just read the first post and jump in with "poor sod, he sounds lovely, you're a moany bitch" are demonstrating in real time how controlling bastards get away with this kind of thing and how easy it is to dismiss someone (aka women) for being oversensitive and unappreciative from one tiny interaction.

'I don’t take more than he gives, he insists on making me lunch every day '

What a b'stard!

The thread is several pages long. You could have checked the OP’s updates before assuming the first post was all the info there was.

How would she stop him texting from the car when she's at home?

Crikey you sound really angry with him. That message wouldn't evoke such fury in me, but there must be background. If not then you do sound aggressive and snippy.

It really doesn’t

The ' calm down ' response to being questioned is in the same categories as these lines;

' you're over reacting '
' it was just a joke '
' you're being oversensitive '
' can't you take a joke'

These are stock responses people who minimise, gaslight and passive aggressively communicate use.

Do you have sex with him when you don't want it?

Read the OP’s updates. (He had only just got in the car outside the house. The text took precedence over starting the engine!)

You are massively overreacting.

Stop him texting illegally from the car.

Agree. The initial text is not worrying of itself. The additional context is. He sounds controlling and clingy, OP.

Wow. Poor bloke.

@AmIHumanOrAmIAYeti I agree that this comment is deeply insecure.
Add to that the other comments from the OP - making her a packed lunch she doesn’t want, having issues with her having lunch with men, expecting her to be ‘as gushy as he is’ and being insecure she now has a more senior position than him, it doesn’t paint the picture of a nice man.

Im still amazed by the fact many posters can’t see further than ‘he made you your lunch! What are you complaining about!’

And I’m saddened that the OP apologised on the back of that. It really wasn’t warranted.

It’s never as clear as that though. (I’m a therapist.)

”Remember you have a husband” is such a weird thing to say, especially when you saw him 2 minutes ago.

I’ve been married a long time. We often travel separately, staying away for days and don’t even message daily, never mind multiple times during the day. Neither of us worries that the other would forget that they are married.

He is deeply insecure. He is trying to manage that insecurity by controlling you by reminding you that he exists, and giving you no reason to socialise with other men at lunchtime but dressing it up as “care”. He’s even commenting on you doing your work because you have to interact with men. He keeps commenting on individual things because it means you are constantly on alert and apologising, which means he can keep pointing things out and blaming you for getting it wrong.

E.g. you should be grateful that he is caring and makes you lunch to the point that you aren’t pointing out that you would actually like to eat in the canteen (which he doesn’t want) or point out that you’re not eating certain bits of it every day (which a caring person would notice and change their behaviour).

It’s heading for coercion.