Weird and offensive or I am overreacting?

I feel quite panicky reading your posts OP.

11pages in? Show some respect.

I did say that the message on its own is fine, and that is what OP was asking.

He "lets" you go to the gym alone only when he's not there, and controls what you wear there. Just, please, read that back. It's toxic. All of his behaviour is toxic.

After reading all of your posts @RememberThatGuy I think I understand where you're coming from. My ex was like this, he did his best to stop me having any sort of interaction really with other men, it was controlling behaviour but he hid it under a veneer of caring and joking around so that he didn't come across as outwardly mean and controlling. So, he tried to make out I was unreasonable/too sensitive if I mentioned I didn't like his behaviour and little digs. It was horrible for me and he's an ex for good reasons.

Your Dh's behaviour is damaging (I didn't fully realise how on edge I always was, how often I was doubting myself, until my ex was out of my life). Very slowly but surely, behaviour like this lowers your self esteem. Because, if he's not being very outwardly controlling and tells you that you're overreacting, then you start to think you're the problem. He shouldn't be messing with your head like this, you aren't doing anything wrong, it's up to him to deal with his insecurities.

I'd suggest reading the updates.

No joke... this man gives me the creeps.

I read it as 'remember you have a husband who loves you and makes you lunch'. Ie, a nice comment. If he is nasty or weird in other ways that's another matter, but this message on its own is fine.

I don’t think she did at all. I also don’t think you have read all the OPs posts or you wouldn’t have posted something so daft. She’s obviously in an abusive relationship.

You do not have to know “the truth of the matter” you only gave to know YOUR truth.

He said/she said is for an adversarial relationship or a court of law. A marriage or a sexual relationship is not a legal situation. You don’t argue your case or have to prove one is right and the other is wrong! On the contrary once the relationship starts to turn into an inquisition with tools of torture to wrest a confession from you its time to bail out.

Another way of looking at the relationship—and this might be in obedience of the recommended books—is medically, as though the relationship is a body that is sick or well. Can any medicine save it? Do you need to amputate a dead limb in order to survive?

Or maybe your life is a garden and you are the gardener—this man is a weed that blew in snd at first appeared nutritious or or ornamental but now, a few years on, you realize is really fast growing bindweed and it us choking the life out of the other plants and making the work of gardening unpleasant rather than a delight.

You don’t need to debate with the bindweed about its right to take over the garden—its your garden! You decide what stays and what goes!

Arguments about what you can wear at the gym?
Stop pandering to him, stop fitting in with the strict confines he imposes. He’s your jailer.
Ditch him and live your life.

Honestly OP this "man" has more red flags than a peri menopausal womans period app.

wow if you read the first message then it's def an over reaction, then there is more
the silent treatment if no sex
not being allowed to take lunch in
If speaking to a man at the gym then results in 10 days of rows
eating tuna salad means no kisses for two days.

I mean, it's a killer list. Be careful OP.

Read all the OP’s posts. Your approach is inappropriate to her situation. OP is in an actively abusive situation.

My DP says this or variations of regularly when I am stressed. He means, remember I am here and love you and you can lean on me. I think you jumped to grumpy very fast!

The fact that you’re hoping he won’t try to kiss you for a few days if you eat a tuna sandwich is very telling, OP. Something instinctive inside you is uncomfortable with him and doesn’t want him near you. Listen to it.

Noooo.

So yes once again - I over reacted, he only asked me who it was, of course he doesn't think I am having an affair with that man. He was just asking because I am terrible with faces so I must have forgotten I had spoken to him.

-is this him speaking? So yeah, he’s trying to justify his out of order, suspicious behaviour. Only asked who it was - but HOW did he ask? Idle curiosity or was there accusation in his time and he was visibly angry? You are TERRIBLE with faces so MUST have forgotten - why just you have forgotten? Is it absolutely beyond the realms of possibility you any be telling the truth? So he’s calling you a liar.

Tone is everything.

He's gaslighting you.

Also - does he insist on going to the gym with you or does he allow you to ever go in your own? Let me guess, he wants to protect you from all the other rapey old men who will inevitably prey on you?

My God he’s pulling your strings. Flick his fingers sex, confining you to solo eating, no lunchtime chat with male colleagues, a male at the gym can’t smile at you without you being interrogated. His silly games with semantics in text messages and feigned innocence.
And you apologise to him? Thank him for his “caring control”? He’s jealous, insecure and sucking any happiness out of your life.

Why would she even tell him? My DP doesn't need to know what I did for lunch on a work day. OK, maybe some days it's interesting enough to mention to him. But I have no worries how he would "react", and if he did "react" I'd just laugh at him. My ex who did used to react to stuff like that I basically ignored until I left him.

In the OPs situation I'd say "stop making me lunch, I prefer to eat in the canteen", then if he did, I'd take it out of my bag and leave it on the counter.

She'd undoubtedly get a sulk from him, maybe for days, but that's just who he is. My ex would make inedible food "for me" because I had a long day, it would be so bad I'd cry. I said to him stop making me food, I don't like it, I'll just heat up soup. When he carried on I ignored the food he'd made and just heated up soup, as I had told him I would. (And I got "you're so ungrateful, I'm never cooking for you again" and I'd be like "great, that's what I've asked" but he'd still do it - he once made a mash up of ragu, but with chicken pieces instead of mince, mixed with fajita sauce from a jar, and tried to serve it to me with pasta. Technically edible I suppose).

The fact that this has blown up the way it has is not a good sign. Whatever's going on, it's not about some txts.

I have a ND daughter and what you have written is my nightmare for her.

That she would end up with an abusive prick like you have, who would make her doubt herself.

OP, sadly ND women are far more likely to be abused in a relationship and tolerate really awful behaviour, doubt themselves and accept being dismissed as "over reacting" and "sensitive".

He knows EXACTLY what he is doing.

I strongly suggest you write a long list of all these behaviours and find yourself a therapist to figure this out.

Two books that are highly recommended are

"Women who love too much". Norwood
"Why does he do that" Bancroft.

This is a really toxic relationship.
Thank god no children.

Remember he knows EXACTLY what he is doing.

You doubt yourself because you are ND.
He uses that against you.

This is very common.

Ok read a few more of your posts. This is not a decent man at all.

He's even managed to somehow get you apologising for people smiling at you, and you're so downtrodden you've listened to posters on here who are quite simply wrong and ended up apologising to him for his pathetic PA dramatics.

Be careful op. This will escalate.