Weird and offensive or I am overreacting?

But how can the OP stop her husband from texting her, going forward?

Behave - clearly advice for going forward

Agreed. I took have ADHD, and totally read the not so subtle undertone in his posts instantly...maybe because when you have ADHD you are so hyper sensitive to the feelings and tones of others. You'll be used to being made to feel unreasonable, or over sensitive etc. But you're right, and you probably are in all of your other interpretations of what he's doing.

Even his use of the word defensive is interesting, not sensitive or whatever, but defensive. As if you have something to defend.

A good therapist won’t ask you why you don’t leave, or expect that you will leave. They’ll help you unpick your own feelings and help you make sense of what you need in the here and now. They’ll recognise the harm being done to you, and help you recognise it too but what you do with that knowledge is entirely your decision.

You’re in a situation where he has you questioning your own responses and changing your behaviour to suit him, all wrapped up in the language of love. That’s a total mind fuck, your previous experience of abuse in relationships leaves you vulnerable to abusive men and he’s taken full advantage of that. None of that is your fault, it will however impact you in all kinds of ways.

Yes her dh sounds a real gem (not).

Funny video though.

Oh bloody hell. No. I hadn’t. Hope that there are decent men out there destroyed again. 😞

Sorry OP. I will change my vote.

If someone does something for you that you don't want & have said so, why would they carry on?

To cause an argument?

Because they know better than you what you want?

Because it's about them & what they want?

I am on the waiting list, my therapist told me to get referred, I orginally thought I had bi polar or BPD but they have said it’s ADHD.

Was it your therapist that said ADHD? Unless your therapist is a clinical
psychologist they are not remotely qualified to diagnose or suggest a diagnosis. There’s a huge overlap in symptoms with trauma and ADHD/ASD/BPD and trauma would exacerbate all of the others too.

Your DH is abusive. You are living with that abuse and trying to function in that context, which has to be given serious consideration in terms of your functioning. A therapist with a good understanding of coercive control and trauma would be a good use of time and money.

OP posted other replies. It seems her husband does the lunch because he doesn't want her getting her lunch from the cafeteria with other men, doesn't like men talking to her, and makes rules about what she can wear to the gym. So there is far, far more to it than her first post.

It sounds very innocent to me... as he says he loves you which sounds very sweet.

However, If I say to my husband "I have made you dinner and did your laundry, don't forget you have a wife." It is a different story because I have been doing this for him for the last 20+ years! It's more like a reminder to him that there's somebody there to do the "magic".

I still giggle at this youtube video.

Sounds like what you 'have' is a need to be constantly alert to your husband's disapproval, watching out for situations - your clothing, friendly people, cold sores - that could anger him, and the necessary tension induced by living with someone who mistrusts you. If you've painted this picture in therapy and it's not being examined, you need a different practitioner.

I apologise for hitting YABU! I should've used my imagination a bit more. I'll change that now.

He sounds awful from your first post & more so from the subsequent ones imo.

So he makes you lunch to stop you eating in the canteen?🙄

Jesus Christ, RTFT
Or at least OP's posts

How very U of you to be not happy with him.

Jesus Christ, calm down OP!

If you read a few of ops other posts you will

I honestly don’t think you get it. And that’s fine, it shows you’ve been lucky and never been in a controlling relationship. Equally, it means your situation and insight doesn’t relate.

I'm sorry, I don't understand your response?

Have you read any updates? Packing op's lunch, controlling. Kisses at the end of messages, passive aggressive coercion, telling her he loved her, gaslighting.

I would have replied.

Who is this? Do I know you?

But I'm an awkward sod

Also I meant to add, of course he says your overreacting, because he doesn't want you to disagree or challenge him on anything.

You're being conditioned to be docile and pliant for his benefit.

I could only hope for that kind of treatment from my STBXH. Packing me lunch? Never. Loads of kisses at the end of a message - rarely I got one. Telling me he loved me? Only if I said it first.

YABVU.

He lets you? You're not his child op, you're a grown woman and don't need anyone letting you do anything.

You've mentioned having ADHD and being messy and forgetful. Have you been diagnosed or is it self identification?
Are you aware of the overlap of symptoms of ADHD and trauma?

From reading your updates it would appear you are constantly needing to be alert in case a man looks at you, walking on eggshells at home and have background levels of stress and anxiety due to your oh.

Being constantly on edge is exhausting and can lead to forgetfulness, brain fog etc

Can you imagine how calm and stress free your life would be without your oh constantly monitoring, policing and gaslighting you?!