Page 2 | Weird and offensive or I am overreacting?

Nominative · 28/04/2025 08:17

texts from the car, messages all day long. Honestly I think I am at work paid to do a job and I would like to get on with it. If I suggest I am busy he gets offended.

Don't just "suggest" you are busy, tell him you are busy and have to prioritise the work you are paid to do. If he gets offended, tell him to grow up.

computergrandma · 28/04/2025 08:14

Oh dear, poor you. He sounds like a control freak. If he shows no affection, just go for the onion and garlic - he doesn't deserve you.

Original poster

RememberThatGuy · 28/04/2025 08:10

So I said last night I don’t want dinner and will grab something in the canteen, there was a bit of umming and ahhing but he took it ok.

I have no lunch with me today.

I can predict tonight’s conversation already; did you eat in the canteen or take it back to your office, who was in there, who did you sit with.

Then absolute zero affection because I smell funny. I am preempting this though and will skip the onion in my salad. (He says he can smell raw onion/garlic/spices for a couple of days after on my breath) just going to eat inoffensive non smelly food.

Tonight he is cooking dinner (we take turns) and I guarantee he will make so much that it would be silly not to take left overs to work tomorrow.

For those saying about texting and driving, he was sat in the car outside. He does text whilst driving though, it’s a conversation we have had many times about how dangerous it is. I am not responsible for his actions, I never use my phone while driving, he knows how I feel about it and doesn’t do it if I am in the car.

OP posts:

computergrandma · 28/04/2025 08:04

He's probably just saying that he's earned some Brownie points for packing your lunch - 'don't forget your husband loves you so he's packed your dinner'! Wish mine would. 😂

Wildefish · 27/04/2025 08:54

BunnyLake · 26/04/2025 21:24

He makes her lunch for work, he didn’t make her dinner. He insists on making the lunches so she doesn’t fraternise with her mostly male colleagues at lunchtime. She has told him she doesn’t need the lunches but he ignores. I don’t think she has anything to apologise for.

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In the text message he says dinner, but who cares, lunch/dinner. Also I said “apologies, if that is not the case”. I didn’t tell her to apologise.

BunnyLake · 26/04/2025 21:24

Wildefish · 26/04/2025 19:33

So he sends you a message every day and has made you dinner. Do you do these things for him as wel? Perhaps he feels taken for granted. If that’s not the case, apologies, just a thought.

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He makes her lunch for work, he didn’t make her dinner. He insists on making the lunches so she doesn’t fraternise with her mostly male colleagues at lunchtime. She has told him she doesn’t need the lunches but he ignores. I don’t think she has anything to apologise for.

BobbyBiscuits · 26/04/2025 20:16

AmIHumanOrAmIAYeti · 25/04/2025 11:29

The thread is several pages long. You could have checked the OP’s updates before assuming the first post was all the info there was.

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I apologise if I didn't do that. I thought I read it but maybe not, I had other things on my mind. Sorry again x

NormasArse · 26/04/2025 19:43

Bet he’s glad he bothered now! 😬😂

FeetLikeFlippers · 26/04/2025 19:41

RememberThatGuy · 25/04/2025 07:57

I don’t take more than he gives, he insists on making me lunch every day and most days I bring the majority of it back home. I was quite happy getting lunch in the work canteen but he has a need to look after me.

@DrinkReprehensibly yes that is exactly how it came across!

He left without even saying good bye yesterday because I had a cold sore and he thought I was telling him we couldn’t have sex that night.

I guess I have over reacted and will apologise but it did seem to me that he was accusing me of looking for an affair today!

This update gives some context that was needed in the OP! Now I’m wondering if it was a passive-aggressive dig at the fact that you don’t eat the dinners he keeps preparing for you. What does he usually say about you taking it back home uneaten? And it’s a bit weird that he keeps insisting on doing that when he knows you don’t really want it and it’s probably going to go to waste.

MakeYourOwnMusicStartYourOwnDance · 26/04/2025 19:40

Wildefish · 26/04/2025 19:33

So he sends you a message every day and has made you dinner. Do you do these things for him as wel? Perhaps he feels taken for granted. If that’s not the case, apologies, just a thought.

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If you read the thread (not a dig, just saying as I was the same) there was a big drip feed in later posts.
It's not just about packed lunches at all.

Wildefish · 26/04/2025 19:33

RememberThatGuy · 25/04/2025 07:35

Quick sense check here please - my husband just left for work and as usual he sends me a nice message from the car. today’s message was a bit weird and I have taken offence at it but am I over reacting? I have attached a screenshot but the message boils down to “have a nice day, I have made your lunch, remember you have a husband”

I admit I am on the defensive because yesterday he left without saying bye, then when I questioned it he pretended nothing was wrong. Then eventually admitted that he was a bit moody and apologised.

For context I do not have amnesia or dementia, I have never cheated or not returned home from work or in anyway at all forgotten that I am married.

So he sends you a message every day and has made you dinner. Do you do these things for him as wel? Perhaps he feels taken for granted. If that’s not the case, apologies, just a thought.

Speckly · 26/04/2025 19:08

Why on earth does he send you a nice message from the car? Why not actually say your goodbyes and nice words to each other in person before he leaves? That way there’s less likelihood of these misinterpretations and it’s so much more loving and personal.

Energe · 26/04/2025 18:22

Remember you have a husband is basically him saying remember not to cheat. What a dick

DorsetMumTo3 · 26/04/2025 18:18

In all honesty, I probably would have reacted in a similar way lol (maybe something’s wrong with me 😅). I would have looked into it too deeply and felt he was implying that I was thinking of being unfaithful. This post and the comments have enlightened me though. Makes me realise that I need to stop jumping to conclusions at times. But I do know my response would be triggered by past events/ trauma.

Hoppinggreen · 26/04/2025 10:55

MarginallyOk · 26/04/2025 10:50

It reads to me as though he was saying (in a nice way), ‘remember you have a husband who loves you’ and just hastily typed out a shortened version of that. However now I’ve seen all the updates, it does sound a bit controlling, especially as he’s making you a lunch each day (that you don’t want) so he can stop you socialising with men in the canteen.

Edited

It reads to me that YOU haven't RTFT

MarginallyOk · 26/04/2025 10:50

It reads to me as though he was saying (in a nice way), ‘remember you have a husband who loves you’ and just hastily typed out a shortened version of that. However now I’ve seen all the updates, it does sound a bit controlling, especially as he’s making you a lunch each day (that you don’t want) so he can stop you socialising with men in the canteen.

Goditsmemargaret · 26/04/2025 10:38

I am late to the thread but found the messages strange. The updates are slightly chilling.

Are you happy with this guy?

Growlybear83 · 26/04/2025 09:20

Spirallingdownwards · 26/04/2025 04:57

She can explain to him that texting from the car is illegal and that she won't be responding to any sent from the car. And then not respond. In the words of Donna in CBB it's really not that deep, babe!

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It wouldn’t be illegal if he was using hands free. But I agree that it’s really bizarre to be sending messages to someone you live with just a few minutes after you’ve left them.

AmIHumanOrAmIAYeti · 26/04/2025 08:53

Texting from a stationary car parked outside the home you left 2 mins ago before you’ve started the engine is absolutely fine, legally. (It’s beyond creepy in reality.)

MereNoelle · 26/04/2025 07:26

Spirallingdownwards · 26/04/2025 04:57

She can explain to him that texting from the car is illegal and that she won't be responding to any sent from the car. And then not respond. In the words of Donna in CBB it's really not that deep, babe!

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Of course she can do those things, although I'm sure he already knows that texting from a car is illegal (is he doing this though? I got the impression that she was driving to work and he was still at home). She can’t actually stop him from doing something though. No idea who Donna is or what CBB is though, sorry!

Spirallingdownwards · 26/04/2025 04:57

MereNoelle · 25/04/2025 18:49

But how can the OP stop her husband from texting her, going forward?

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She can explain to him that texting from the car is illegal and that she won't be responding to any sent from the car. And then not respond. In the words of Donna in CBB it's really not that deep, babe!

KangaRoo00 · 25/04/2025 23:02

Just read the updates.

You are living with an emotional abuser.

Read a book called ‘why does he do that’ by Lucy Bancroft. It will really open your eyes.

KangaRoo00 · 25/04/2025 22:57

Hmmm either OP is massively overreacting or there is more of a backstory here. Does he normally say odd things and then tell you your the one with the problem?

Sabrinaspellman01 · 25/04/2025 22:44

Oh OP! I voted YABU at first but then after reading your updates quickly changed to YANBU! Please leave this twat 🙄

BlueTitShark · 25/04/2025 19:20

MereNoelle · 25/04/2025 18:49

But how can the OP stop her husband from texting her, going forward?

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She can’t.

But she can decide how she is reacting to it. Ignoring messages whilst at work fir example