Page 15 | Weird and offensive or I am overreacting?

RememberThatGuy · 2025-04-25T06:35:33+00:00

Quick sense check here please - my husband just left for work and as usual he sends me a nice message from the car. today’s message was a bit weird and I have taken offence at it but am I over reacting? I have attached a screenshot but the message boils down to “have a nice day, I have made your lunch, remember you have a husband” I admit I am on the defensive because yesterday he left without saying bye, then when I questioned it he pretended nothing was wrong. Then eventually admitted that he was a bit moody and apologised. For context I do not have amnesia or dementia, I have never cheated or not returned home from work or in anyway at all forgotten that I am married.

GaspingGekko · 25/04/2025 08:12

Surely he's trying to overcompensate because you got angry at him yesterday for not saying goodbye?

And if you don't want him to make your lunch for you, tell him and stop taking them to work with you.

TBH this all sounds exhausting and hard work.

Original poster

RememberThatGuy · 25/04/2025 08:09

RaspberryBeretxx · 25/04/2025 08:08

I think he put the 😁 in the wrong place and it reads like a full stop. I think he meant "remember you have a husband who loves you..." as in "don't forget I love you!". It reads like "don't forget you have a husband" which communicates something a bit different! Just a miscommunication imo.

That was the second time he said it - to clarify. The first time there was no emoji or who loves you, just remember you have a husband.

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GabriellaMontez · 25/04/2025 08:09

RememberThatGuy · 25/04/2025 07:57

I don’t take more than he gives, he insists on making me lunch every day and most days I bring the majority of it back home. I was quite happy getting lunch in the work canteen but he has a need to look after me.

@DrinkReprehensibly yes that is exactly how it came across!

He left without even saying good bye yesterday because I had a cold sore and he thought I was telling him we couldn’t have sex that night.

I guess I have over reacted and will apologise but it did seem to me that he was accusing me of looking for an affair today!

If the message is to do with not having sex. Then yes it's offensive.

Ask him. In person, when gets home.

Original poster

RememberThatGuy · 25/04/2025 08:08

ComeAsYouAreAsAFriend · 25/04/2025 08:06

I am not able for any human contact that hour of the morning, pretty amazed the amount of interaction you have with him in the morning I am a grump and not responsible for what I say at that time. I would leave it go don't let it spoil your day he clearly is unsure why or what you are taking offence with which means there was no offence intended imo.

I wouldn’t mind but he had only just left the house, I do find it a lot but I appreciate that’s me and I try to be as enthusiastic as him, it’s just not my natural way.

More coffee and an apology on the way!

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RaspberryBeretxx · 25/04/2025 08:08

I think he put the 😁 in the wrong place and it reads like a full stop. I think he meant "remember you have a husband who loves you..." as in "don't forget I love you!". It reads like "don't forget you have a husband" which communicates something a bit different! Just a miscommunication imo.

Snackpocket · 25/04/2025 08:07

Total overeaction by you! I might have thought it was a bit of an odd thing to say but then moved on with my life or mentioned it in person later but your message just felt like you were picking a fight over nothing.

faerietales · 25/04/2025 08:07

RememberThatGuy · 25/04/2025 08:03

I will make more effort to be appreciative and greatful and apologise for jumping on the defensive.

It is really hard to read tone in a message. I just found it an odd thing to say.

I think it was an odd thing to say but more clumsily worded than anything else - I think your reaction was stranger tbh.

Reading your responses though it sounds like you both have very different love languages and communication styles.

ComeAsYouAreAsAFriend · 25/04/2025 08:06

I am not able for any human contact that hour of the morning, pretty amazed the amount of interaction you have with him in the morning I am a grump and not responsible for what I say at that time. I would leave it go don't let it spoil your day he clearly is unsure why or what you are taking offence with which means there was no offence intended imo.

user2848502016 · 25/04/2025 08:06

You sound like hard work

Original poster

RememberThatGuy · 25/04/2025 08:05

Sherararara · 25/04/2025 07:51

You come across as controlling and frankly weird.

how do I come across as controlling? I will take the weird, but controlling?

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theunbreakablecleopatrajones · 25/04/2025 08:05

Surely you it’s just slightly random phrasing - text is a blunt tool - he’s just asking you to keep him in mind.

You do sound extraordinarily touchy.

Rewis · 25/04/2025 08:04

Sounds like a slightly passive aggressive way to say that he thinks you don't give him enough attention.

Also, not saying goodbye to you if he thinks he's not getting sex does make his text sound demanding intimacy.

Original poster

RememberThatGuy · 25/04/2025 08:03

I will make more effort to be appreciative and greatful and apologise for jumping on the defensive.

It is really hard to read tone in a message. I just found it an odd thing to say.

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SausalitoSue · 25/04/2025 08:02

Ha the kisses stopped once the argument started - me and DH used to do that too 😆 so pointed. I dunno what he’s on about either but try not to sweat the small stuff.

faerietales · 25/04/2025 08:01

His message is a bit strangely worded but you immediately leapt on the defensive which is even stranger IMO.

I do think it reads as though he’s maybe feeling a bit rejected or under appreciated and is clumsily trying to explain that to you.

Original poster

RememberThatGuy · 25/04/2025 08:00

He might be feeling under appreciated, I think that would be unfair as we both do a lot for each other but he is much more “gushy” than me if that makes sense. I try to reciprocate but it’s not as natural for me. I will make more effort.

I am studying professionally and have recently been promoted so he might feel a little pushed out but we have just spent the long weekend entirely together.

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Barrenfieldoffucks · 25/04/2025 07:59

RememberThatGuy · 25/04/2025 07:57

I don’t take more than he gives, he insists on making me lunch every day and most days I bring the majority of it back home. I was quite happy getting lunch in the work canteen but he has a need to look after me.

@DrinkReprehensibly yes that is exactly how it came across!

He left without even saying good bye yesterday because I had a cold sore and he thought I was telling him we couldn’t have sex that night.

I guess I have over reacted and will apologise but it did seem to me that he was accusing me of looking for an affair today!

In the context of him ignoring you because he thinks you may be implying you don't want sex, I think that mine and @DrinkReprehensibly 's interpretation was correct, especially if it isn't something he's said before.

LynetteScavo · 25/04/2025 07:58

It sounds like he’s feeling under appreciated, and you’ve massively over reacted. Your texts are really pissy.

Jollyjoy · 25/04/2025 07:57

I think it’s just the badly placed emoji. Without it it would read ‘remember you have a husband who loves you…’ it’s lovely. I think you overreacted and got defensive, and lovely husband is even curious to why. It’s ok, just explain how it came across and it was also tied to feeling hurt about the no bye the previous day. Can be over in minutes.

Barrenfieldoffucks · 25/04/2025 07:57

I'm trying to imagine why I would say "remember you have a wife" to.my husband.

The only positive way I can see it being meant is if you were having a hard time with people at work being unkind or something, so he is saying remember you have someone who loves you at home. But you would have got that, as it would only make sense in the broader context of conversations you've had.

Original poster

RememberThatGuy · 25/04/2025 07:57

I don’t take more than he gives, he insists on making me lunch every day and most days I bring the majority of it back home. I was quite happy getting lunch in the work canteen but he has a need to look after me.

@DrinkReprehensibly yes that is exactly how it came across!

He left without even saying good bye yesterday because I had a cold sore and he thought I was telling him we couldn’t have sex that night.

I guess I have over reacted and will apologise but it did seem to me that he was accusing me of looking for an affair today!

OP posts:

Notsosure1 · 25/04/2025 07:56

Have you made lots of social plans with your friends and family lately or been preoccupied with work in the evenings and haven’t been able to spend much time together? It would be disappointing if this did refer to sex - I’ve made you a sandwich so you’re duty/guilt-bound to give me a bj now etc 😒

Barrenfieldoffucks · 25/04/2025 07:55

I think it is odd too. It's an odd phrase to use, does he not like you working out of the house? Or think you have men you flirt with while out?

Icanttakethisanymore · 25/04/2025 07:54

You are overreacting.

BitOutOfPractice · 25/04/2025 07:54

You have massively over reacted to a completely innocuous message. If I was you dh I’d be really pissed off.