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Original poster

Weird and offensive or I am overreacting?

388 replies

RememberThatGuy · 25/04/2025 07:35

Quick sense check here please - my husband just left for work and as usual he sends me a nice message from the car. today’s message was a bit weird and I have taken offence at it but am I over reacting? I have attached a screenshot but the message boils down to “have a nice day, I have made your lunch, remember you have a husband”

I admit I am on the defensive because yesterday he left without saying bye, then when I questioned it he pretended nothing was wrong. Then eventually admitted that he was a bit moody and apologised.

For context I do not have amnesia or dementia, I have never cheated or not returned home from work or in anyway at all forgotten that I am married.

Weird and offensive or I am overreacting?
OP posts:
Blahblahblahw · 25/04/2025 08:34

I don’t think there was anything at all to read into

tbh , in that exchange, you where the problem and it seemed like you wanted a fight

thank him for your lunch and remember not everything has to be a fight

CreationNat1on · 25/04/2025 08:32

RememberThatGuy · 25/04/2025 08:28

Probably, I am incredibly messy and clumsy too and lose things all the time, I don’t know how he copes, he is very tidy and routine driven, polar opposites. Maybe he deserves a medal with that apology!

Show quote history

He likes managing you.

Was he put in charge of a parent when he was young?

GabriellaMontez · 25/04/2025 08:32

NO!!

He makes you lunch to stop you sitting with other men!?

Stop taking the lunch.

FastFood · 25/04/2025 08:31

TasWair · 25/04/2025 07:53

It's "remember you have a husband" as in "remember you have someone who loves you." I think you overreacted and owe him an apology.

I read it like that too

Original poster
RememberThatGuy · 25/04/2025 08:30

AmIHumanOrAmIAYeti · 25/04/2025 08:26

texts from the car, messages all day long. Honestly I think I am at work paid to do a job and I would like to get on with it. If I suggest I am busy he gets offended.

he has a need to look after me.

Can anyone else hear those alarm bells?

Why is he so threatened by your career?

Edited
Show quote history

I am doing really well in my career, earn more than him by quite a bit with a big payrise on the horizon and work in a very male dominated environment. Hence the lunch - so I sit in my office and not the canteen. That’s my take on it anyway but as we have seen in the thread, I am prone to over react!

OP posts:
Notsosure1 · 25/04/2025 08:29

RememberThatGuy · 25/04/2025 07:57

I don’t take more than he gives, he insists on making me lunch every day and most days I bring the majority of it back home. I was quite happy getting lunch in the work canteen but he has a need to look after me.

@DrinkReprehensibly yes that is exactly how it came across!

He left without even saying good bye yesterday because I had a cold sore and he thought I was telling him we couldn’t have sex that night.

I guess I have over reacted and will apologise but it did seem to me that he was accusing me of looking for an affair today!

He left without even saying good bye yesterday because I had a cold sore and he thought I was telling him we couldn’t have sex that night.

So this is about sex. How pathetic. You’re allowed to not fancy sex. Him taking the hump and framing it as a rejection or whatever, or that he can buy sex with packed lunches - please. It shouldn’t be tansactional.

Viviennemary · 25/04/2025 08:29

It sounds like he is feeling neglected by you but has said it in a strange way. But you sound very touchy and ready to take offence at the slightest thing. It needs to be sorted out with straight talking and you not getting annoyed.

GabriellaMontez · 25/04/2025 08:29

Pigsears · 25/04/2025 08:24

Context is everything.

-Could be read as lovely and caring.

-insecure on his part

-controlling- like a 'feeder'

Agree context is everything.

And the more I hear, the more controlling he sounds.

Texts all day that you're too busy for... what if you tell him you're too busy for texts all day?

Would it be like the lunch you don't want ? You end up apologising?

Are there lots of things you just go along with ?

allyjay · 25/04/2025 08:29

AmIHumanOrAmIAYeti · 25/04/2025 08:26

texts from the car, messages all day long. Honestly I think I am at work paid to do a job and I would like to get on with it. If I suggest I am busy he gets offended.

he has a need to look after me.

Can anyone else hear those alarm bells?

Why is he so threatened by your career?

Edited
Show quote history

Yes I agree. This is not flirty or loving as some posters have said, hes clingy, insecure and pissed off that he's not had his leg over recently

Original poster
RememberThatGuy · 25/04/2025 08:28

hattie43 · 25/04/2025 08:26

My god what an over reaction OP. You must be really exhausting to live with .

Probably, I am incredibly messy and clumsy too and lose things all the time, I don’t know how he copes, he is very tidy and routine driven, polar opposites. Maybe he deserves a medal with that apology!

OP posts:
hattie43 · 25/04/2025 08:26

My god what an over reaction OP. You must be really exhausting to live with .

CreationNat1on · 25/04/2025 08:26

I think he means : remember you have a husband who nurture you (and likes that to be reciprocated).

Extreme enmeshment : remember you are part of a duo, not an independent being.

AmIHumanOrAmIAYeti · 25/04/2025 08:26

RememberThatGuy · 25/04/2025 08:00

He might be feeling under appreciated, I think that would be unfair as we both do a lot for each other but he is much more “gushy” than me if that makes sense. I try to reciprocate but it’s not as natural for me. I will make more effort.

I am studying professionally and have recently been promoted so he might feel a little pushed out but we have just spent the long weekend entirely together.

texts from the car, messages all day long. Honestly I think I am at work paid to do a job and I would like to get on with it. If I suggest I am busy he gets offended.

he has a need to look after me.

Can anyone else hear those alarm bells?

Why is he so threatened by your career?

YourWildAmberSloth · 25/04/2025 08:26

RememberThatGuy · 25/04/2025 08:19

It doesn’t say lunch bag, it says X bag which is a type of bag I have never seen anyone else with and I don’t want to be identified.

So on the lines of your green and purple strips bag with pink polka dots. So if anyone sees me with that bag today they will know I have been a snappy bitch today!

I have apologised and thanks my husband for the lunch btw, thanks all for the sense check.

Why are you thanking him for a lunch that you didn't want, and have told/asked him not to prepare? It sounds like a small point, but its a red flag to me - he isn't listening to you, overrides your wishes with his own (on the topic of lunch anyway). Does he do that in other ways too?

Original poster
RememberThatGuy · 25/04/2025 08:26

There was no emoji the first time he said it.

OP posts:
Toptotoe · 25/04/2025 08:25

I think it’s a badly placed emoji and that it’s a loving message of support but I know on first reading I’d find it a bit odd too.

Pigsears · 25/04/2025 08:24

Context is everything.

-Could be read as lovely and caring.

-insecure on his part

-controlling- like a 'feeder'

Original poster
RememberThatGuy · 25/04/2025 08:19

It doesn’t say lunch bag, it says X bag which is a type of bag I have never seen anyone else with and I don’t want to be identified.

So on the lines of your green and purple strips bag with pink polka dots. So if anyone sees me with that bag today they will know I have been a snappy bitch today!

I have apologised and thanks my husband for the lunch btw, thanks all for the sense check.

OP posts:
BlossomIsSoPretty · 25/04/2025 08:17

I'm more confused as to you why you've tried to blurr out the word "lunchbag". Your dinner is in your lunchbag? Why does that need blurring?

MereNoelle · 25/04/2025 08:17

AprilShowers25 · 25/04/2025 08:15

Texts from the car sounds forced and unnecessary, he probably struggles what to say at that time. The lunch thing is just weird, just tell him you don’t want his lunches, very odd if he is insisting on it.

If he struggles with what to say at that time, he could just not text? The OP has only just left the house, and it doesn’t sound like she’s insisting on the excessive contact.

Doingmybest12 · 25/04/2025 08:17

What are the words you've crossed out?

MereNoelle · 25/04/2025 08:16

I agree it was a weird thing to say and that he was trying to make some sort of point. I’d have responded defensively too. In light of your post about the coldsore I’d guess that his point was ‘remember I need sex’.

Original poster
RememberThatGuy · 25/04/2025 08:15

@ExtraOnions texts from the car, messages all day long. Honestly I think I am at work paid to do a job and I would like to get on with it. If I suggest I am busy he gets offended.

@GaspingGekko I have said many times that I can eat from the canteen but he likes to make my lunch so here we are. It would be very ungracious not to accept it. I am dieting too so I just end up bringing crisps and bars back and too, work home work home.

OP posts:
AprilShowers25 · 25/04/2025 08:15

Texts from the car sounds forced and unnecessary, he probably struggles what to say at that time. The lunch thing is just weird, just tell him you don’t want his lunches, very odd if he is insisting on it.

ExtraOnions · 25/04/2025 08:13

Texts from the car ? What’s that about ? He’s just left the house, has walked a couple of feet to the car … what could he possibly have to say ?

This whole thing sounds childish, and way too intense.

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