Weird and offensive or I am overreacting?

No, he tells you you're overreacting to invalidate your legitimate response to his behaviour. He is trying to control you, and belittling you when you fight back (or ignoring what you want, in the case of the lunch making). Please step back and see it for what it is.

Also please ignore the people on this thread who are reinforcing his disturbing perspective.

And the next poster says 'hard work'

That and controlling are MN's two favourite phrases and I absolutely hate them!

I think you need to say this to him OP - and that he’s becoming less attractive to you as a partner the more he does this. Tell him you’re really grateful but have told him you don’t want the packed lunches so will leave them for him to eat going forward. What can he say to that? “YOU MUST EAT MY LUCHES BECAUSE YOURE MINE AND I LOOOOOOOOOOOVE YOOOOOOOU!!!!”

🤷‍♀️

my husband says I always over react

And there is another red flag.

You are not over-reacting. He says this to shut you up and control you.

This what screams at me.
A needy controlling manipulative twat.
Makes lunch so you don't go to the canteen?
Hassling you at work?
Huffy if you say you are buzy AT WORK???

Toxic relationship OP.
I think you should educate yourself about coercive control, toxic controlling relationships.

I wouldn't be apologising for anything I would be take a really close look at what you have been tolerating from this twat.

Read up on the "boiled frog analogy".
Has his behaviour got worse over time?
Do you humour him?
Do you walk on egg shells with him?
Do you adjust your behaviour and what you do to stop him huffing?

Coercive control creeps up on women.

Time for you to make a list of ALL his behaviours and call Women's aid.

I bet you will be told you are in a highly controlling abusive relationship.

I think it would be very interesting to hear how he reacts if OP said she was going on a diet or 😱😱😱😱 to THE GYM!!!! 😱😱😱😱 his reaction to men on TEAMS says it all

But why would she need to ‘remember’ that on her way to work in the morning? Had she given any indication that she’d forgotten?

It does seem a weird comment to make, and I think he was definitely passively aggressively hinting at something but then when you called him out on it he tried to brush it off (gaslight you).

He sounds over bearing tbh, making you lunch that you don't even want, texting you from the car, getting moody when he has a cold sore, he seems very needy and immature.

It's a very random comment to make from your husband.
I'd be a bit 🤔too if mine put that.

Good on you for commenting and his reply is a bit gas lighting to me.

His message was weirdly worded but I do think he meant it innocently and not how you have interpreted it. He would have been better saying ‘remember you’ve got an amazing husband’ which I think was what he was getting at.

I mean yeah… ‘remember not to cheat on me’ could be seen as flirty I guess

RTFT

Poor you for not having the capability to actually follow the thread and understand the concerns the OP is articulating 🙄

Yes it makes sense. Of course you used his previous behaviour.

One comment in a vacuum is almost meaningless. It's the background/tone/intent/context that give it full meaning.

Does he often gaslight like this?
Do you feel on eggshells around him?

He Sounds super controlling to me to be fair!! Insisting you take his lunch? You are -an adult and can refuse anything- lunch, sex whatever and that should be acceptable, being in a hump because he think you won’t have se later, you’d maybe accept that from a teenage boy not a full adult man- that would give me the absolute ick.

Surely that says 'remember you have a husband who loves you'. You're overreacting. Poor bloke.

She really doesn’t. Her husband sounds like a controlling wanker.

Have you read the ops updates?

What a twat!

No, OP, you are correct, he feels insecure and wants to control your interactions with other men, he feels threatened and is afraid he ll lose you.

Being a feeder is controlling. I ld say he ld like to control your body shape and grooming too, so that you are not too attractive to others.

Its not love, it's insecurity.

Out of context, I wouldn't have reacted negatively to the "remember you have a husband xxxx" - I'd have probably read that as a tongue in cheek "lucky you!" (or even a twee "remember that you're loved", if he's more of that persuasion.)

I really don't like the "wow, calm down" or the "I was just being nice" though. You weren't being defensive or even particularly aggressive. You have to be able to express your feelings and raise the issue if something bugs you (even if it turns out to be nothing) without him making it all about his feelings and shutting down the conversation.

This is how I read it.

Maybe he thought you were upset or you gave him the impression you felt alone and he was just letting you know how much he cares.

Sometimes things just don't come across well in written text...can be very monotone.

You sound like hard work, and you’re clearly not very nice to him.

Poor husband.

Well unlike a lot of other MNers on here, I don’t think you’ve overreacted at all and certainty don’t need to apologise without getting him to explain what he meant. Most people would say I love you not don’t forget I exist! With the additional info you’ve given you’re quite right to question his text and ask for other opinions. I had similar behaviours from an ex to the point he would when he rang me started opening with “hi, it’s John, your boyfriend” like he needed to remind me who he was and he did it on the regular. I know he meant it passive aggressively but I bet if I’d asked on MN loads of them would have acted as they did with you that I was overthinking. I also think especially as you are dieting and are happy to eat in the canteen but he insists on making your lunch interesting as that’s exactly the sort of thing my ex would want to do and I know it’s so he could control me for, afar and prevent me from mixing predominantly with male colleagues. He even told me off for allowing myself to be part of a work WhatsApp group as I have a work phone and wanted to know why it wasn’t on there! Anyway, just wanted to say trust your gut and I think your original instinct was correct ot is odd and weird but at least you’re aware of it and can manage the situation as you will.