Feel I’ve wasted my life

If my husband married me thinking I’d change and get on board with ideas I’d always made clear I didn’t want to do, he’d be sorely disappointed.

Wasted? That’s a really big statement. And I would be extremely pissed off to see that if I were your partner (as would you if it was the other way around)

Those 50 years and there is nothing worth having? That suggests to me that you need to take a long hard look at (a) your attitude and (b) your willingness to forge your own path.

If this is important to you, what on a practical level is stopping you? What are you prepared to give up to make it happen?

Get out and live your dream. Have you looked to see if there are any groups of people doing similar? Do you have some money that you could buy some land and see about getting permission to put a caravan on it? Could you work remotely? Look on YouTube for some inspiration, there are plenty of people doing stuff similar and quite cheaply. I sae a post about a girl who's going solo travelling in a van the other week. Think the channel is "kinging it"?

It doesn't have to be all or nothing. Living "in the wilds" (whatever that means exactly) is probably unrealistic at this stage, but I live ten minutes' walk from a tube station in Zone 3 and don't have constant traffic noise, so I'm sure you could find somewhere quieter/better in that respect.

OP, why not look at options to try it for a month or so (airbnb/wwoof) rather than a big change and the reality doesn't live up to the dream?
If it does, take your finances and move to a rural location by yourself.

You could also look at Wwoof - working on organic farms in exchange for food and accommodation.

https://wwoof.org.uk/en/hosts

Life doesn't always go the way we hope it will. I'm the same ended up somewhere i dont want to be but not in any position to change for various reasons. You have options. Put your foot down and go and live back in the countryside, even if its on your own. Or talk with your husband about the possibility of retiring there in the near future. Or accept it won't change but make regular trips there?

Going against the grain here, but my grandparents still lived another healthy 20 years after reaching your age. It's not too late to live the life you want. People will always tell you that your dreams are impossible and unachievable, but don't listen to them.

I think compromise is the way forward op.

Which aspects of this lifestyle most appeal? The remoteness? Growing your own food? Generating electricity ( or living without)?

Find the aspects that most appeal and build that into your lifestyle.

There's still time. You don't need a man to realise your dream. You've compromised enough, if he doesn't want to compromise for you, do it without him.

Living on the land and being self sufficient is hard, hard physical work, and those who have pursued that dream often find themselves having to scale down or compromise in some way as they get older, so yes, you've probably missed that particular boat.

But I think that if you had really wanted to live that life, you'd have made different choices along the line. Blaming successive partners seems pretty convenient!

In my opinion you can get a taste of that kind of life without commitment by volunteering on a smallholding through WWOOF or Workaway. All of the simple pleasures, none of the responsibility!

I think the idea of house sitting is a nice one. Look for rural properties where someone needs a person to look after animals/water plants while they're away. You could argue that if your husband wants to live somewhere accessible then you get to choose the condition of your house (not a doer upper) and the amount of land/allotment that you have. Good luck.

How self sufficient are we talking?
You want Netflix and mains sewage but you just want to be far away from roads? Or you want to haul your drinking water from the nearest burn and build your own polytunnel from driftwood?

It’s not too late to compromise. Get an allotment, get a small camper and go wild camping. Your op is a reality check that life is short. Love yourself enough to make dreams a reality.

Could you look at a compromise OP?

You could look for somewhere quieter to live but that still is not a completely isolated rural location.

Like you I would love to go back to living in the countryside in complete peace and silence.

But I am middle aged now with some health issues and I know it would be tricky for me to live on my own somewhere really rural.

I compromise by living in a small, pretty, quiet seaside town with lots of green spaces nearby where I can still easily access GP, dentist, hospital and transport.

I grow my own fruits and vegs and live as green a lifestyle as I can still :).

How often have you done mini versions of what you want?
Wild camping?
Working holiday on a self sufficient farm?
Holiday at a croft of shepherd's hut in the middle of nowhere?
Grown your own veg, bottled your own fruit, made jam, bread, cheese, harvested wild garlic, brambles, made nettle soup?
Do all of these this year. If you don't bother then you've learned the fundamental lesson about making dreams come true: the difference between desire and drive. Desire is: I want, I hope and pray it will happen to me. Drive is: I want so I will do xyz towards it. One's passive, the other is active.

I grew up in New Zealand and knew/know several people who live that lifestyle.

It is very, very difficult. Being self sufficient requires a huge amount of work and the ones that have reached about 60 have all moved closer into town to houses with less maintenance. It's very hard on your body and you have to think about random things you've always taken for granted.

It's not too late to go on rural holidays, but it is definitely (in my opinion) too late to begin that life.

It does sound like a lovely dream... But I wonder whether if you had indeed lived that life, you would be posting now saying you wished you had tried suburban living and that living in a self sufficient way had made you exhausted.

Self sufficent remote living is a big lifestyle decision, not something you drift in to. If that was genuinely your dream in life you needed to be clear with your partner early on and actively work towards achiving it. It isn't something you can just passively hope someone will come around to.

That’s actually true!

Is there any way you could get a timeshare in a remote holiday cottage? Even if you downsized where you are? Have you read about Tove Janssen’s island existence? You’d enjoy her story I think.

It actually isn’t too late op..,

Do you think your dream country life is a realistic one? A lot of country villages struggle with traffic these days.

at 17, growing up on a farm, I wanted to live in the wilds, be self sufficient etc etc

Sorry op but this sounds like a bit of a fairytale...what does it even mean? Live in the wilds? In a house or literally outside? Electricity or not? Running water? This would have probably not been very realistic or achievable anyway.

I always dreamt that one day I would live in a little village but the reality is that when you retire you need to be close to good healthcare and a train station.

Also I assume you spend the money your partner earns in his job that he needa access to transport to get to?

Air ambulance?? £££!!