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My lovely colleague is making me so frustrated

80 replies

thenarnianna · 24/04/2025 22:07

To the point that I am googling stuff about anger problems and wondering if I have them.

I am a teacher and she is one of my TAs since last September. It feels like she thinks she is the second teacher.

She interrupts me when I'm teaching to make comments about things or children's behaviour.
She interrupts me when I'm managing behaviour eg. I'm purposely waiting for quiet and she starts announcing it to everyone that I'm waiting for quiet and poor me having to wait.
She wants to be in a constant dialogue with me throughout the day. As in, she makes comments about random stuff (like, a child's hair is messy, or it's started raining, or she wants to make a joke about something) constantly and if I don't reply (because I'm focusing on my lesson) she will repeat it until I acknowledge her.
She asks questions all the time about random non-related stuff during lessons ("should we tie so and so's hair up? Should we get the children to wash their hands before this? Do you think so and so will retire soon? Do you think so and so will go to a special school?)
She likes to tell/suggest me things all the time eg. " I really think we should do this'" "I really think you should move that" "I really think so and so should have more interventions".
She disappears sometimes during lessons - then I'll find out she had to go and do "an important job" for someone else...
She goes to the headteacher all the time, often during lessons, about stuff she wants to check (usually things I've said or done, eg. Putting a plaster on someone's knee, she say she must go and check with the headteacher that we don't need to do anything else - rubbish example but basically acts like she has no confidence in anything I do and wants to check everything! I worry the headteacher thinks I'm sending her myself and that I don't know how to do anything!)
She has gone to my line manager about stuff I do that she personally disagrees with (eg having a certain child in a different group, or a certain task I want a group to do) that I have already told her how I want doing.
A few times when I have instructed her to do something in front of the class, she goes "oh but..." and says she wants to do something different or in a different way. Then I repeat the instruction because I actually really need her to do it, and she repeats "oh but..."

I could go on and on. She is honestly a lovely lady and has never said anything mean or bad, but it's like having two teachers in the classroom and I am so done. I come home every day frustrated. I have worked with many TAs and none of them have been like this! They have never questioned me or go against what I say. They don't need constant reassurance or be in dialogue with me throughout lessons.

I feel I can't say anything to her because she's struggling at home at the moment and I think it would tip her over the edge.

Please tell me all this would annoy you too and I'm not being unfair...?

OP posts:
Flightsoffancy · 24/04/2025 22:13

I had a TA like this, it was awful. Mind you, she was not lovely as mitigation! I definitely don't think you're being unfair; I know what it feels like. Actually, I don't think she is lovely. I think she's undermining you and hindering you from doing your job properly. Can you speak privately to the head and ask that you don't work together next year? You don't have to complain, just say something fuzzy about working styles and how you think she'd be happier with someone else.
I really do sympathise. It sounds so familiar, and in my case turned into quite bad bullying. Thankfully she's left now!

EVHead · 24/04/2025 22:10

Speak to her line manager. She is totally undermining you.

wizzywig · 24/04/2025 22:10

Is this a mum and this is her first job after having kids? Is she over excited about being around some adults?

Eyesopenwideawake · 24/04/2025 22:10

You need to perfect a death stare.

ichifanny · 24/04/2025 22:09

I’d speak to your head about her undermining you and how frustrating you find it , perhaps say you have a personality clash and aren’t working well together .

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