My lovely colleague is making me so frustrated

God! And I also remember the same TA finding some sharp knives for the children to cut carrots. I told her the knives were too sharp, she ignored me stating ‘the children have to learn and should experience danger’. Two got quite badly cut and she then rounded up all the knives and threw them away.

She just wouldn’t listen!!

This. The hand signals and the death stare to backup an instructive and honest conversation.

@thenarnianna

This is part of the reason I left teaching. Working with TA’s is incredibly hard and I used to often find it easier not to have a TA.
One in particular was constantly undermining. I remember once she brought in lots of beer cans and dirty pizza boxes (from her bin) and put them on a child’s table in the outdoor area - saying she was doing an activity on beach rubbish. We had a health and safety inspection on the same day - the inspector eyed up tuff tray and had no idea what was going on.

No way had I agreed to this activity and she’d just taken over and spread used beer cans and dirty pizza boxes over a tuff tray for children to ‘play’ with. I’d taken the beer cans off the table earlier in the day, but she’d found them and put them back. They had sharp edges and still had the remains of the alcohol inside.

The only thing I can suggest is - even if she is grating on your nerves, try and work with her. She’ll pick up on any vibes - so just compliment her all the time, tell her how amazing she is - even if she is not. I tried complaining about my TA and I ended up being the ‘bad’ person - so I had to work with her rather than against her.

And then I went on maternity leave and left teaching.

This. I’m a retired teacher and had a few TA’s over the years who tried this. Give her the death stare or the hand stop sign and later tell her matter-of-factly that her interruptions are bothering you and she needs to stop. Then if she continues take a longer pause and stare harder 👀. It’s time to be assertive.

Also watch out for the "shall we do XYZ?" stuff. That's not necessarily innocent mindless chatter either.

I've known a few shit-stirrers do this, then go around saying to others
"OP says we should do XYZ", about her own suggestions, even if you didn't actually say that at all.
Or "OP thinks XYZ", after you've made some vague maybe-you're-right type of response to her asking you something.

Sometimes adding "what do you think of that?" to get some more ammunition from this other person, to shit-stir some more elsewhere with.

The only safe response is an extremely non-commital one that gives nothing away. "Hmm". "We'll have to wait and see". Etc

She could be going around telling people (potentially including child's parents) you've said a particular child is going to a special school, like it's a done deal.

Or telling the parents of some child with gorgeous long hair who is always sent to school with it down "teacher thinks she should wear her hair up", after oh-so-innocently asking you one day if she should tie it back for eg a painting activity.

She's probably telling the head how you love all her suggestions and how you agree they're so much better than the way you'd planned to do things, just because you reluctantly agreed to go along with something to shut her up, etc.

Basically turning everyone against you and making you look totally incompetent.

When you've pulled her up on it, it'll be sniffles to the other staff "she's such a lovely teacher, but I do feel so stressed out. I try my best but she just doesn't seem to value my contribution at all 😢".

You are right to ask not to be allocated this TA again; you are not compatible.

Talk to the headteacher. Ask whether this woman could be sponsered to work part time and train for a qualification by distance education at the same time. She could easily upgrade her role and work on her own with small groups for literacy for example.. She might be perfect in a library assisting children who are all working on their own research and projects.

Talk to the TA about how YOU FEEL when she does certain specific things and ask that she stays silent and watches and trys your ideas for a few days before offering any opinions - which are always welcome at the end of the day. Set up a comments box for her to write down any issues and post into a box. Look through them together at the end of the day. Just having her writing constructive comments rather than interupting you would be an improvement.

She doesn't sound lovely - she sounds like an absolute pain in the ass ....

Have you tried telling her this, OP?

I'd be first having a meeting with her to discuss exactly what I do or don't want her to do in the classroom and about the way she speaks to me. Tell her she's on amber and any more of this shit will get her on red 🙂

And stop sayjng she's lovely. She sounds like a fucking nightmare.

She's a wolf in sheep's clothing. Absolutely nothing lovely about her.

She's one of those nasty self-important types who thinks that so long as they ask for something politely, whoever they ask is duty-bound to go along with it. The type who thinks that if she has an issue, "raising it" over and over and over again endlessly, always using polite tone/words, until the other person caves in and agrees and changes things, is acceptable behaviour. Effectively bullying the other person into doing what she wants.

Sly narcissistic people who subtly rule your life in a way you can't quite put your finger on, whilst ensuring everyone loves them because they're oh-so-lovely-at-all-times. Watch out for the rumours she'll start to spread when you complain about her and attempt to hold her to account for her behaviour, OP. This type loves to play the victim.

I'd start looking for a new job TBH, unless there's some way you can move her on from your classroom. You'll not be able to work with her, nobody will, unless they're happy to be a subservient puppet for her.

It would drive me mad and make me hate my job. Ive had a TA similar to this and it made me miserable. Speak to your head of year/head teacher about it. Also have you put up with this since September????!!!!

Teacher of 40 years and even one if those things would drive me mad. She has some cheek going to the head about your decisions. That alone would make me want to leave in case l ever had to work with her again. I couldn't even be around her not to talk of being in a classroom with her. Is the Head listening and encouraging her..l hope now.
Definitely ask her not to interrupt your lesson as its not fair to the children..surely she can see that or else she is clueless . We expect the children not to interrupt so expecting her not to interrupt is fairly basic stuff. I have a friend who was accused of bullying when she tried to put some pretty normal procedures in place so l recognise its not easy but this has to stop. She needs training or this will continue.
The constant speaking out randomly in the middle of a class makes me wonder about ADHD as even a teenager coming into your class for one day would have more cop than that.

You are right to ask not to be allocated this TA again; you are not compatible.

Talk to the headteacher. Ask whether this woman could be sponsered to work part time and train for a qualification by distance education at the same time. She could easily able upgrade her role and work on her own with small groups for literacy for example.. She might be perfect in a library assisting children who are all working on their own research and projects.

Talk to the TA about how YOU FEEL when she does certain specific things and ask that she stays silent and watches and trys your ideas for a few days before offering any opinions - which are always welcome at the end of the day. Set up a comments box for her to write down any issues and post into a box. Look through them together at the end of the day. Just having her writing constructive comments rather than interupting you would be an improvement.

I think YABU, not for being annoyed but for not addressing it. I can understand you don't want to undermine her in turn in the moment, but speak to her at the end of the day and set out clear expectations.

She would drive me nuts too.
Can you send her to another class.
You'll have to talk to her as awkward as it is, she needs to understand her role.
I doubt it'll be the first time she heard it.

Why don’t you just talk to her? “You’re input is great and I really value your work but I’d rather if you didn’t ….” That’ll either knock it on the head, or it won’t in which case you go to the head and make it clear that you cannot work together again in future. Her job is to support your lessons, not to be a pain in the ass.

It is not lovely to so persistently and incessantly undermine you.

Absolutely! She doesn't sound lovely at all! I'm a teacher too and this sounds hellish!

She doesn’t sound lovely. She sounds like a massive pain in the arse. She also went behind your back and complained to your line manager - ugh!!!

You’re far too nice! Even reading what she does irritated me so I can’t imagine what it must be like to have to face this every working day. You deserve a medal! I would literally dread going to work if I had to put up with that kind of behaviour- you need to address it now as others have said what if things change and you end up having to work with her next term?

She goes to your headteacher and line manager about you all the time. Do the same, just once, in a professional manner and outline these problems. It doesn’t matter what she’s got going on at home, work is work.

I would be absolutely livid about her running off to the headteacher, both If I were you and the headteacher. She's absolutely wasting everyone's time and showing she doesn't trust you at all. I think that is up to the headteacher to pull her up on this.

I am really shocked that she's talking about children going to special school when she is in the class with those children. That's a huge infringement on that child's privacy.

I am a TA and work with a TA who is exactly like this! She drives me cracked, I take my breaks in my car to avoid her.
I have tried strategies to communicate she is too ‘main character’ in the classroom but it’s not working .

You have my sympathies.

This woman wouldn’t hesitate to cut your legs out from under you. She’s not lovely. She’s passive aggressive af!

She sounds like an utter pain in the arse and I would have said something long before now. Find your voice OP so she doesn't do it to the person after you

If there's only 10 weeks left of her then you have nothing to lose.
When she suggests you do something differently say "I'm very confident in my decision" "This is my final decision" "I'm happy with X as it is, I don't think we need to adjust anything"

When she interrupts you waiting for silence, or teaching, an exasperated "Yes, thank you Mrs XYZ. Anyway back to what I was saying" every time might just force her to get the hint.

Or just bring it back to the children- remind her you're trained to deal with children with additional needs, different behavioural problems and general student management and it's in the childrens best interests that you enforce behaviour expectations, not her.

When she says she's off to check something with the head, tell her there's no need, you know what you're doing.

It sounds like she's doing too much and trying to become you. Maybe if she's worked in a nursery setting she's used to multiple equal staff dealing with the children, and hasn't quite worked out how different school is.

Cut your losses and save your sanity, be firm and remind her she's there to do her role, not yours.

And definitely mention to her line manager that she's not working as effectively as you need her to- they might observe you both and have some helpful advice for her. And speak to the head about the constant visits from her, make it clear you're not needing that assistance and that she's leaving the room constantly when you need her to do her job.