Charity starts at home

The thing is OP this woman is using her time and effort in a way to help others that she sees as good. It's fine for you to disagree and feel she could be using her time and effort in a different/better way - but that is just your opinion. As she is the one putting in the time and effort it's up to her what she does with it and not your place to tell her she's doing it wrong.

For example if you started up a collection or a charity for your local area to help with the deprivation and someone came along and said 'Why are you raising money for the local area? People are living much harder lives being bombed everyday in other places in the world, why on earth are you raising money for the people round here when others are dying, what you're doing is selfish and wrong' - you might well be a little upset by that.

People may feel more strongly for one cause that the other and that's fine - but they shouldn't be telling the people on the other side they're wrong - both people can be right, both causes can be important. She is not wrong to want to help Ukraine and you are not wrong to want to help your local area.

Sometimes you have to be the change you want to see though OP - so maybe you could get more involved with your local community in some way?

I’m not ashamed of myself or anything. I am autistic and it comes with not always knowing what’s appropriate to say

I think that's fine. You've started a discussion thread, and now quite a few people are keen to discuss with you. It would be helpful at this point to hear from you what you think about what people have said.

For example, do any of the reasons I listed earlier persude you?

Or if not persuasive to you personally, do you agree it's reasonable for others to be persuaded by them? (As your position is not just about how you give, but about how others should give).

Well, you have now been told what is not appropriate to say. Do you think you will learn something from this?

Take it as a bit of a learning experience, a total stranger is extremely unlikely to appreciate your criticism even when well intentioned.

I volunteer to help with food parcels and a book donation to children in my area Op, I also help to keep a memorial garden tidy. These are practical things that help my community.
I give a little money to a fund that was set up to help people in disaster and war, it’s not much but I’m sure every little helps .
Maybe you could look into things you could do in your local community that would benefit it and that you’d enjoy doing.

What charity work are you involved in for your local Community OP?

But you’re the one who told the woman on Fb that she was misdirecting her efforts, and should be fundraising for local charities…

Exactly that, you can believe what you want, but like it or not, it is rude to push your opinion on someone else, which is what you did to someone who was trying to do a good thing.

The overwhelming majority of the responses have been reasonable. You just don’t like having your (odd) assumptions challenged.

The vast majority of people I know who are active in fundraising etc for overseas war zones etc are also active in more local ways. I had a nice Palestinian cab driver last night who both fundraises for Gaza and volunteers at a local soup kitchen for homeless people. It’s not an either/or issue.

Well that's the risk of posting on AIBU asking for feedback. You've now been told almost unanimously that you're being very unreasonable. Perhaps it would be a better use of your energy to raise awareness or fundraise for one of your preferred causes rather than attacking other people's charity posts.

OP you describe your town as somewhere with nice areas and other areas which are more run down. Most towns and cities in the UK can be described like this. Do you think that only people who live in very affluent areas can fundraise for issues that effect people outside of their own town/city?

OK, here are a few reasons why we should consider giving beyond our town:

1. Greater need: extreme poverty, war and natural disaster exist in the world. With limited time and resources, it's defensible to help those who need it most.

2. Greater cost effectiveness: e.g. cataract surgery cost-to-deliver is about £900 per person in the UK or about £30 in sub-saharan Africa. The NHS rightly prioritises UK people. But it's reasonable for someone giving their own money to choose to save 30 people's sight rather than one person's.

3. Interconnectedness: problems overseas often become problems here. Should we spend money to help refugees resettle in their neighbouring countries? If we don't, we get more refugees here. Ditto poverty relief, climate change, etc. If Putin wins in Ukraine he's unlikely to stop there. That costs us much more in defence spending.

4. Moral arbitrariness of distance? We all feel bound to different communities, identities and people, who we prioritise in our choices. We understand this differs between people (I can respect my neighbour's dedication to his religion, though I don't share it, and understand why my friend prioritises his children over my own). You feel that same-town-ness should be the overriding concern. That's fine for it to be yours, but that doesn't make it wrong for others to differ.

5. Desert. A bit more controversially, when I think to my former classmates, many (not all!) of those who are now struggling are those who spent their school days disrupting others, passing up opportunities, and wasting the resources spent on them. Ukraine did not ask to be invaded and has done more than anyone thought possible to defend itself. It feels like a very worthy cause. Desert is morally relevant, though it's often treated as a taboo.

6. Reciprocity: if your town were flooded or burned to the ground, would you want or expect help from outside the area? And these crumbling public services you want funded, do you want them funded only from taxes raised in the town?

There is no getting away from the fact that some people find global suffering a lot easier to donate to and empathise with than local suffering.

Have you organised something for the local community? Or do you just think that she should organise her charity stuff around what you think is best?
Whatever charity/cause someone chooses, someone else will always think something else is more worthy.

How many times are you going to ignore the question, "so what are you fundraising for your local community"

People can help whomever they want.
We all tend to have favourite causes and these can change over time. You can support local, global or none.

Your school is no different from many others in the UK. Maybe you could approach the school and suggest getting a working party to tidy it up, deep clean, paint it. Help collect look after books or fund raise for new books.

Become involved in the community. Encourage other in your community to do litter picking, arrange book swaps, plant or seed swaps, toy swaps.

Help at the food bank. Some food banks already have expanded to provide clothing and toy areas. Or help set it up.

Just because an area is deprived it doesn't have to be anti social.

No matter where you live there will be people doing good in their community. It doesn't mean that they can't help others in war torn countries or in famine hit countries.

Not really, people have asked the question "what are you doing to support your local community which you are concerned about", and you have declined to answer that.
For me, I was concerned about the mental health and isolation of local mums/Dads and young children post covid - our location is quite rural and isolating for those who don't drive. So I contacted our church to ask to use their hall and set up a simple free playgroup/meet up group once a week. Actions to improve your community don't need to be big or expensive, they just need to tap into a local need.
Our village was concerned about young people getting into low level trouble due to not much to do, so a youth group was set up. Council services have been cut so local litter picks now happen, with the pub giving a free drink to anyone who returns with a bag of rubbish. The church set up a small food bank for those in need. The best changes are those which are locally driven rather than pushed by governments.

You’re wrong, charity begins where there is need. Personally, I would choose causes other than Ukraine if I felt inclined to do some charity work, but I wouldn’t automatically choose something local. Even when services are shit in parts of the UK, we still have a lot more than the majority of people in the world. So it is understandable that when people want to give, they want to give to the cause that they feel is most in need and that they personally care about.

You can have your opinion, but it is rude to share it as if it’s the only correct opinion, especially when someone is trying to do a good thing.

How do you support your local community?
I understand what you’re saying but we need people to care about Ukraine just as we need people to care about local children.

For what it's worth OP I'm cynical of this trend of well intentioned people shipping things (often poor quality tat) long distance. It often creates more work for the experienced aiders on site, not to mention the extra cost and energy getting it there. For most amateurs that want to help they are more likely to do a better job of helping people nearer to them.

That being said, it's no good telling a stranger something that they won't be open to hearing from you. Whether you're right or wrong it's a pointless thing to do.

If we applied that logic a lot of places would be a lot poorer as money made in wealtheir places like London would remain in London, so you’re actually asking for your area to receive less money from the government as you wouldn’t to take money made elsewhere, so only money directly made in your community would be used to fund services.

OP, unfortunately what you said is often said by racists and xenophobes. So she might be making assumptions about you.

Somebody who is doing nothing for charity, criticising somebody else who is collecting for charity does not have a leg to stand on. What a petty and unnecessary comment from you. She dealt with you pretty well I think.

I think you should apologise.

I don’t think you’re wrong thinking it but saying it was wrong as it’s her choice