DP hates spending money - red flag?

Ah! So your money is your money to save.... but his money isn't his money to save, and you should be able to say what he can and should do with it? But if he saves his money... its a red flag? But not you saving your money as you put it in fixed accounts?🤨

Team DP. He sounds sensible, and takes budgeting seriously (if you over spend one month, under spend the next to balance it) and looks to the long term. Sure, that might mean you don't get as much fun in the short term, but it's not a bad characteristic. Sounds like he's trying to ensure he can contribute equally in future, which is a massive green flag. If you want more luxury, maybe agree the budgets a bit higher before hand, or treat him every so often if it's genuinely what you'd prefer. Bit unreasonable to complain he doesn't want to break over an agreed budget for a holiday.

It's not a red flag,
My eldest loves to,save. Spends very little, only what is necessary. He is a student and has managed to have savings enough to travel a little when he graduates this summer. It is a huge green flag imho.

Red flag for what?

Some people, me included, just really enjoy saving. It can become addictive. Sometimes I feel like I should loosen up a bit (tomorrow isn't guaranteed after all) but it's hard to break the habit of a lifetime.

I can tell it irritates my DP sometimes. But I also feel like he'll thank me in 10 years time when we're in a really strong financial position!

This is called budgeting.

Is this a reverse?!

Thinking 1k a month won't make a difference when you want to borrow more money sounds like a very childish and frivolous attitude towards money. I suppose in this dynamic one of you (him) has to be responsible and stop overspending and lifestyle creep. Particularly if you want to move house and 12k a year is a drop in ocean to you.

He sounds boring

I think it’s more of a red flag that you don’t seem to want to put your hand in your pocket and pay your share.

He is a careful spender without being controlling. Much better this way than the other. More of a beige flag tbh.

But you said, “I have more saved than him”
So you’re not skint either.
You want it, surely you should pay for it?

Say he wanted you two to do a wine tasting and theatre night, how would you feel if he expected you to pay for what he wanted?

You want to treat yourself to a nicer hotel, then you should pay for it and not expect him to pay for it.

So you want the nicer place, but you want him to pay for it despite you having more money?

It seems a bit odd to be only thinking of this when you have a child and mortgage with him. The power balance in the relationship here is important. Your attitude to money should be as important as his. If he tightly controls the purse strings I would hate that. If you have a mortgage saving is stupid unless for something particular. You should pay off your mortgage earlier

What is this bloody red flag ??

There is a difference between being sensible and miserable.
He sounds a bit miserable.
I am sensible and so is my husband.
Couldn't tolerate miserable, life is too short.
I admire sensible.

It's not a red flag because it doesn't indicate controlling or abusive behaviour. But it does indicate that he has a different attitude to money from you, which can cause problems in a relationship.

I’m not sure if you realise it op, but the whole post is so vague.

you didn’t answer the work question so it’s possible this is much bigger than anything you’ve actually said so far.

are you working and earning the same as him? Who is doing the childcare?

And it's ridiculous to call this a red flag really. Green if anything. Personally I like knowing that my partner won't piss away vast sums on silly shit.

People who try to pressure others into spending money as if it's something to aspire towards are weird to me. I've spent most of my life aspiring to be more frugal and to spend less. I loathe the thought of wasting money on stuff that isn't worth it. I'm pretty glad DP has the same mindset because if I was the OP's partner, batting away her insistence on being frivolous would be quite stressful.

To be clear I'm not a total miser. But as you get older you work out which luxuries are worth it to you and which are not. My favourite thing to splurge on is a proper fancy tasting menu, sometimes costing hundreds, because I fucking love food. On the other hand you won't catch me shelling out any money on beauty products or interior design trends because I really don't care.

I'm like this because I've been very broke in my life and picked up a lot of frugal habits that I've never seen fit to get rid of. And also, oddly, because I'm not good at budgeting or keeping track of money. The best way to bypass that is to just not spend it in the first place.

If your partner doesn't think gadgets or new clothes are worth it then leave him be - he's being sensible.

The old adage was spend a third of your income on your housing, spend a third on living and save a third. But that was when house prices were lower. Re-writing that for the modern age I think I’d include pension contributions (employee, not employer) as part of the saving third. The more important rule, IMO, is spend what you don’t save, don’t save what you haven’t spent. That one is Warren Buffet.

Example being we are looking at going away in late May, by spending a couple of hundred more than we’d (modestly) budgeted we would stay somewhere much nicer without breaking the bank and he’d still save a lot of money after.

You said you have more saved than him, why can’t you spend the extra £200 then?

Er, yes it will make a difference!

He's a catch.