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Conflicted as to whether good friends new boyfriend can stay over - I have 18 month old

29 replies

Clarenewme · 24/04/2025 18:54

My good friend has been seeing someone for a few months. He lives abroad, so they have been in each other presence a total of a month when she has been visiting him abroad, and the rest of the time it's been long distance. He is coming to visit her soon, and we were discussing meeting up (so me and my husband can meet him). She doesn't live near me at all so I said they could stay over.

She mentioned planning in a date we could meet him (and they stay over) then we have lunch together the next day. Then it dawned on me, this feeling of anxiety about having someone I don't know, that's a man, spending the night next door to my 18 month old baby and I started worrying about it.

I had a call with her today to apologise for not thinking it through when I offered originally and said it's just that I feel uncomfortable having someone I don't know stay with the baby in the house. She said she didnt wnt to make me feel anxious, but she didnt say she understood. She doesn't have a child.

I felt bad after the call, as it could seem like I am assuming her new partner is not a decent person. I asked my OH opinion on it and he said he would understand her being offended and that he would trust her judgement and not have a problem with a new partner staying round.

Please can I get opinions?

OP posts:
NestOfWipers · 24/04/2025 19:13

Well, I think the damage is done now anyway.

have you not had a single male guest overnight since she went into her own room?? For how long do you intend not to have overnight male guests?

An abuser is far more likely statistically to be a known friend or family member.

It would've been far simpler to have just had her in your room overnight if you were really that worried.

I'm not sure how you're gonna mend this with your friend.

whatdoidonowffs · 24/04/2025 19:11

Definitely overthinking
move the baby in with you for a night if you’re that uncomfortable

CarlyCoffee · 24/04/2025 19:08

Move the baby in with you, if it’ll make you feel better. But I think you’re overthinking it, to be honest.

CreationNat1on · 24/04/2025 19:06

Could you move the baby into your room for the night, or leave a baby monitor on.

I doubt v much he is a kidnapper or child abuser. You will be in the house too, along with 2 other trusted adults.

TBH, it's unlikely they ll stay over now. Maybe suggest a cheap, local hotel or B and B.

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