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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To think many stay-at-home mums would leave their husbands tomorrow if they had their own money?

66 replies

PlumShark · 24/04/2025 17:39

“I love him” or “I’m trapped?”

OP posts:
Original poster
PlumShark · 24/04/2025 17:51

ScottBakula · 24/04/2025 17:44

How many married women have you asked this question.

Have you asked a equal number of men the same question ?

It’s not based on a survey, just on a pattern I’ve noticed in conversations, posts, and real-life dynamics. And no, I haven’t asked men the same question… partly because the stakes and power dynamics often aren’t the same. That’s not to say men can’t feel trapped to but I think financial dependence plays out differently for many women, especially those out of the workforce.

OP posts:
Original poster
PlumShark · 24/04/2025 17:49

mumofoneAlonebutokay · 24/04/2025 17:43

Bad work day?

Nope, just thinking out loud like everyone else here.

OP posts:
Original poster
PlumShark · 24/04/2025 17:49

Dollshousedolly · 24/04/2025 17:42

Do you think many mums who work outside of the home would leave their partners if they had a higher salary ??

Possibly, yes - financial independence can be a huge factor in whether someone feels able to leave an unhappy relationship, regardless of whether they’re a SAHM or working outside the home. But I think for stay at home mums, the financial dependence can be even more acute. If you’ve been out of the workforce for years, you might not just lack income - you might also feel like you’ve lost bargaining power or confidence. That kind of structural reliance can make it much harder to walk away, even if you want to.

OP posts:
Original poster
PlumShark · 24/04/2025 17:47

MooseAndSquirrelLoveFlannel · 24/04/2025 17:42

What the fuck are you going on about??

If you’re confused, feel free to scroll on.

OP posts:
WhatNoRaisins · 24/04/2025 17:46

The person I know that is in this situation works. Unless you're earning enough to maintain an equivalent lifestyle off your own back there's always going to be financial considerations.

Original poster
PlumShark · 24/04/2025 17:45

EffortlesslyInelegant · 24/04/2025 17:40

Profound. Very profound.

Did it take you long to formulate this thought?

You’re welcome to disagree but sarcasm isn’t much of a counterpoint.

OP posts:
JHound · 24/04/2025 17:45

No but it would be stupid to pretend that nobody is trapped in relationships due to finances

JoyousEagle · 24/04/2025 17:44

Why stay at home mums? I think that there are definitely women (working or not) who wish they could leave a relationship but are not financially able to do so.

c3pu · 24/04/2025 17:44

Mutually assured destruction, each partner will lose the lifestyle to which they are accustomed.

ScottBakula · 24/04/2025 17:44

How many married women have you asked this question.

Have you asked a equal number of men the same question ?

mumofoneAlonebutokay · 24/04/2025 17:43

Bad work day?

Dollshousedolly · 24/04/2025 17:42

Do you think many mums who work outside of the home would leave their partners if they had a higher salary ??

Kuretake · 24/04/2025 17:42

I don't think it's a SAHM thing more than anyone else. I'd imagine that lots of people stay longer (or forever) in relationships because they can't afford to run two households - especially if there are children. I doubt it's more likely with SAHM particularly.

MooseAndSquirrelLoveFlannel · 24/04/2025 17:42

What the fuck are you going on about??

ReplacementBusService · 24/04/2025 17:41

This seems a teeny bit of a sweeping statement....

EffortlesslyInelegant · 24/04/2025 17:40

Profound. Very profound.

Did it take you long to formulate this thought?