To think many stay-at-home mums would leave their husbands tomorrow if they had their own money?

Not nearly as many as workings mums who stick it out in shit relationships because they couldn't afford to go it alone. That's a bigger issue.

Yeah whenever I hear people say you have to be rich to be a one income family it reminds me of people who say you have to be rich to get married.

I mean it all depends on what you had in mind!

I think a lot of people of both sexes would leave it if wasn’t for kids rather than financial reasons. Kids keep a lot of people together. I think after many years, most relationships are a bit dull.

I just think SAHMs are in such diverse circumstances, it's impossible to generalise.

I’m a SAHM on dh wage of 50k. Until last year, he was on 37k. We just live in a very cheap part of the country so our mortgage is a lot smaller than a lot of people.

I wad raised in a poor neighbourhood with a fair amount of SAHM (especially a lot of the girls at my school of Pakistani heritage). A friend of mine was a SAHM on 32k a year (her husband).

You can have a SAHM on a lower income if you adjust lifestyle accordingly. It’s basically a sole income and loads of single parents have to do that.

I just meant your specific circle of over 100 SAHM who would be multi-millionnaires if they divorced is pretty outside of the norm.

Even £6m houses, in London are not the norm. i don’t agree with OP to be clear. I think a lot of people do find themselves unable to leave relationships due to financial considerations but I don’t think it’s specific to SAHPs.

If I don’t have my own money then neither does he. All money is our money.

I would venture to disagree and I put it to you that in the face of such abstract and poorly thought out nonsense that sarcasm is the ONLY appropriate response.

@JHound - well yes, because it's wealthier families that can afford to have a SAHP. Most families can't afford it, can they? Most families in 'middle England' need 2 incomes in 2025.

As long as everything is shared, asset-wise, it's not about income. Eg. If your house is worth £6m or more (as many are in London) and half is yours, you are not going to be exactly destitute, in the overall scheme of things. And that's just the house. There will be other assets. Women are not stupid. If being a SAHM was a risk, they wouldn't do it.

Super, but not super super I'd say.
My point was more that it has not helped me one bit working all this time.
In fact I'm tired, and now facing a loooong time working. And he'll go after my pension.

Ok so the uber wealthy then!

I think many women (not abused ones obv) feel they would go if they could.the reality is that they put up with a lot,for their DC and security. Often women who have affairs are less likely to leave than men

Her ex must be a super super high earner for her live off solely child maintenance and whatever income earning assets they had?

It would change quite dramatically post divorce.

I agree with this. Don’t feel sorry for the SAHMs. My husband’s been in the office all day and I’ve been sat in the garden working on the tan. He’d be devastated if I left. I’d be loaded. We’re honestly fine!

@PlumShark

How much would you have if you walked away tomorrow?

Every SAHM I know (about 100) would be a multi-millionaire in the event of a divorce.

So don't worry about SAHMs. Worry about women whose husbands demand separate finances in a marriage. Worry about low-income families.

I'm with you OP. Sahm who left my country for one where my degree was not recognised (country specific degree). Was trying to do some courses and then DS1 needed one person at home (autistic). DH away half of the week for jobs. If I had money I would definitely leave with the kids because my marriage is dead and we have nothing in common except for the children. As for now I stay because of my children because DH is not abusive or a bad person.

I’d like to think that:

A) Most women are smart enough to not put themselves in a position where they’re financially reliant on someone else, without a get out clause or back up plan.

or B) If things were truly terrible, they’d leave and make it work somehow.

I am however saying that from the perspective of always being the higher earner, and never being financially trapped or beholden to anyone. I did leave my ex husband, and it was financially more difficult initially, but I’ve always felt fortunate that I wasn’t backed into that particular corner.

What sort of numbers equal “many?” 15%? 40%? Over 50%?

Put me down as another SAHM who loves her husband.

SAHM for 8 years of my 25 year marriage (which is still going strong). My DH is a good man which is why I'm not financially fucked as a result of my years being economically inactive. There are tens of thousands of women in shit financially unequal marriages. Being an SAHM is not the issue - being married to a prick is. You see loads of posts on MN from women who work but pay for absolutely everything child related so have no money despite working, or they are paying his debts etc.

Aw no I love my husband, he’s great.
but if I wanted to leave him, we have a joint account bursting at the seams full of monnnney, so I could def leave him and fleece him if I wanted. Don’t worry about us! Xx

Some women love their partners or are trauma bonded to them. But if they already wanted to leave then the money would make it easier

I don't think it's just sahm. Hoe many people would not be in relationships if they didn't have kids. We probably wouldn't be, but we make it work as we made a commitment to the kids, theres nothing profoundly wrong with our relationship, we just probably would have grown apart if we didn't have the kids and wasn't prioritising them above ourselves. Obviously, if something is so bad you have to leave then its better to not be together. But I would hazard a guess that a lot of people are together for their kids sakes, may still love each other but would not be together if they didnt have kids.

In my experience, the SAHMs I know seem to be in far happier marriages actually. There isn’t that constant juggle / tug of war that two working parents seem to have. I have no knowledge of their finances and whether the women secretly want to leave, but they certainly don’t seem to have the stresses that some of the other parents have.