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Original poster

Receiving child maintenance once child has gone to university ?

265 replies

Bernie54 · 24/04/2025 16:38

Hi, can I ask if anyone still receives child maintenance from their ex once the child has gone to university ?

My Daughter (18) goes to university in September, she lives full time with me atm, and will stay with me when she returns for the holidays. Our original maintenance agreement states to pay until 2028, with regular reviews etc.

AIBU to expect this to continue? At least in the holidays anyway? Anyone else in this situation. For context I’m a low earner. He is not.

OP posts:
bigboykitty · 25/04/2025 06:08

Sorry OP, AIBU is a cesspit. You could try posting on Legal.

Original poster
Bernie54 · 25/04/2025 06:06

Coconutter24 · 24/04/2025 21:41

You’ve wrote that twice now but it still doesn’t make it his problem, your low income is your problem. He doesn’t have to worry about how much you bring in.

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👏🏻 well done for noticing I wrote it twice

OP posts:
bigboykitty · 25/04/2025 06:04

He cannot just ignore the order. He would have to apply to vary it, I think.

Original poster
Bernie54 · 25/04/2025 06:01

bigboykitty · 25/04/2025 05:58

Ah okay. I'm guessing that's very specific to your situation and family history. If you have it ordered, then it's legal advice you would need. Has he said he's not going to continue to pay it, or are you just fearful that might happen? You don't have to answer that here, of course.

We haven’t had the conversation. Things have changed somewhat since he remarried….his new wife the one he had an affair with is less accommodating

OP posts:
bigboykitty · 25/04/2025 05:58

Ah okay. I'm guessing that's very specific to your situation and family history. If you have it ordered, then it's legal advice you would need. Has he said he's not going to continue to pay it, or are you just fearful that might happen? You don't have to answer that here, of course.

Original poster
Bernie54 · 25/04/2025 05:57

slamdunk66 · 24/04/2025 22:31

If she’s getting PIP, full maintainance and you say DSA, how much extra she will need?

Its for me to support her when she is home living with me in the very long holidays

OP posts:
Original poster
Bernie54 · 25/04/2025 05:55

bigboykitty · 25/04/2025 05:54

So do you have a Financial Order from your divorce that stipulates ongoing Child Maintenance until 2028, @Bernie54 ?

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It’s not worded as child maintenance it’s worded as maintenance to me

OP posts:
Original poster
Bernie54 · 25/04/2025 05:54

KilkennyCats · 24/04/2025 22:31

A bursary at Uni? On top of the usual loans?!

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The poster meant a bursary for me for a back to nursing course not my daughter!

OP posts:
bigboykitty · 25/04/2025 05:54

Bernie54 · 25/04/2025 05:52

Thank you I agree, and lots on here are on the moral high ground, and very Judgy of me and my life decisions and of my daughter to be fair.

Edited
Show quote history

So do you have a Financial Order from your divorce that stipulates ongoing Child Maintenance until 2028, @Bernie54 ?

Original poster
Bernie54 · 25/04/2025 05:52

bigboykitty · 24/04/2025 20:00

Just keep in mind, @Bernie54 , that the majority of posts on your thread are from people with no idea what they are talking about, just offering you their moral opinion. A PP suggested you seek legal advice and that's definitely the way to go, if you have maintenance for 3 more years as part of your financial order.

Thank you I agree, and lots on here are on the moral high ground, and very Judgy of me and my life decisions and of my daughter to be fair.

OP posts:
Original poster
Bernie54 · 25/04/2025 05:48

plantsnpants · 24/04/2025 22:33

Agree with others - you chose to adopt a child and you chose to stop work to support her. This has resulted in your close relationship and her doing so well in life.

he is affluent as is his partner- not really anything to do with the previously agreed settlement and support.

with dss my dh paid until he was 20 (as per his divorce settlement) and although he gave his ex plenty of warning and it was the original agreement she still was unhappy but there was no legal battle etc.

she like yourself was a sahm and when their marriage broke down was supported by my sh a high earner - in an amicable settlement etc.

i made the opposite choice and invested in my career, working for literally nothing when my kids were small due to child care costs, but it has resulted in a good career. it is all about choice and sacrifice, there’s no right or wrong way and both options have good and bad points.

Your story is nothing like mine. Unless of course yours was an affair too and hidden ?

OP posts:
plantsnpants · 24/04/2025 22:33

Agree with others - you chose to adopt a child and you chose to stop work to support her. This has resulted in your close relationship and her doing so well in life.

he is affluent as is his partner- not really anything to do with the previously agreed settlement and support.

with dss my dh paid until he was 20 (as per his divorce settlement) and although he gave his ex plenty of warning and it was the original agreement she still was unhappy but there was no legal battle etc.

she like yourself was a sahm and when their marriage broke down was supported by my sh a high earner - in an amicable settlement etc.

i made the opposite choice and invested in my career, working for literally nothing when my kids were small due to child care costs, but it has resulted in a good career. it is all about choice and sacrifice, there’s no right or wrong way and both options have good and bad points.

KilkennyCats · 24/04/2025 22:31

Orangemintcream · 24/04/2025 22:14

There was at least one in there that has a bursary - is that something you could look into ?

A bursary at Uni? On top of the usual loans?!

slamdunk66 · 24/04/2025 22:31

If she’s getting PIP, full maintainance and you say DSA, how much extra she will need?

Fraggeek · 24/04/2025 22:16

DP paid until SD left uni. He paid it directly to her during that time as she studied away from home.

Orangemintcream · 24/04/2025 22:14

There was at least one in there that has a bursary - is that something you could look into ?

Neodymium · 24/04/2025 22:06

this whole thread really just emphasises how precarious it is to leave your job and not have a career.

I left my job when youngest dd was 2 for a few reasons. Was going to just be a sahm but I decided to retrain as a teacher. Originally just going to do supply but that turned into contracts which lead into a permanent job. I’m really grateful now even though I didn’t envisage working full time as a teacher, as I’m now slowly increasing my earnings and can easily support myself if I had to.

KilkennyCats · 24/04/2025 21:49

Bernie54 · 24/04/2025 17:03

Actually it is his problem. Our DD is adopted and also neurodivergent….i had a good career (a nurse) prior to the adoption but we decided her needs were so great that I would leave my career and focus on our daughter, she flourished from this and I had the time to fight for her EHCP, therapy etc. He then had an affair and left me, I had been out of work 10 years + he was earning £100K+ me £0. My registration was gone, I managed to get a job as a TA in a school. Him and his new wife earn a lot between them. Daughter prefers to live with me and I will be paying for her for the weeks she is at home. Why shouldn’t he still contribute when she is at home and then at uni send it to her??

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It’s an unfortunate set of circumstances, but it still isn’t technically his problem.

Coconutter24 · 24/04/2025 21:41

Bernie54 · 24/04/2025 17:05

Actually it is his problem. Our DD is adopted and also neurodivergent….i had a good career (a nurse) prior to the adoption but we decided her needs were so great that I would leave my career and focus on our daughter, she flourished from this and I had the time to fight for her EHCP, therapy etc. He then had an affair and left me, I had been out of work 10 years + he was earning £100K+ me £0. My registration was gone, I managed to get a job as a TA in a school. Him and his new wife earn a lot between them. Daughter prefers to live with me and I will be paying for her for the weeks she is at home. Why shouldn’t he still contribute when she is at home and then at uni send it to her??

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You’ve wrote that twice now but it still doesn’t make it his problem, your low income is your problem. He doesn’t have to worry about how much you bring in.

Daisy12Maisie · 24/04/2025 21:27

thestepmumspacepodcast · 24/04/2025 18:56

@Daisy12Maisie Are you saying your child is saying he'll cut off contact with his Dad if Dad won't give him money to go to Uni and you're ok with this?

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Sorry I wasn’t very clear. His dad has treated him and his brother really badly over the years so for him this would be the final straw. If he had an involved dad then no I absolutely wouldn’t be ok with this but because I think he has been put through so much by his dad if/ when he decides to cut contact that would be completely understandable. His thoughts are if his dad could be relied upon to visit him if he was ill or help him with homework or do any normal parent things it would mean the world to him but he won’t so he thinks the least he can do is help him with some money at uni.

Curioushoney · 24/04/2025 21:13

Bernie54 · 24/04/2025 17:07

No there is no 25% contribution as they based it on my salary! She is getting the highest maintenance plus her PIP to live on! Plus money we will both send!

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Plus DSA (how much?)

Original poster
Bernie54 · 24/04/2025 20:52

Orangemintcream · 24/04/2025 20:12

What did you mean by saying you don’t get paid when someone suggested you could go back to nursing or healthcare ?

If you had a job ofcourse you would be paid.

The back to nursing course that I would have to do to re register as a nurse I wouldn’t get paid

OP posts:
Original poster
Bernie54 · 24/04/2025 20:51

CanYouTurnItDown · 24/04/2025 20:23

Nothing to do with your OP but her EHCP won’t give any support when she’s at University, she needs to apply for disability support and possibly DSA

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Yes she’s got DSA

OP posts:
CanYouTurnItDown · 24/04/2025 20:23

Bernie54 · 24/04/2025 18:08

Support is in place via her EHCP and she also has a therapist. I don’t know if she will cope yet…she doesn’t just get PIP for autism.

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Nothing to do with your OP but her EHCP won’t give any support when she’s at University, she needs to apply for disability support and possibly DSA

Orangemintcream · 24/04/2025 20:12

What did you mean by saying you don’t get paid when someone suggested you could go back to nursing or healthcare ?

If you had a job ofcourse you would be paid.

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