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Original poster

Receiving child maintenance once child has gone to university ?

265 replies

Bernie54 · 24/04/2025 16:38

Hi, can I ask if anyone still receives child maintenance from their ex once the child has gone to university ?

My Daughter (18) goes to university in September, she lives full time with me atm, and will stay with me when she returns for the holidays. Our original maintenance agreement states to pay until 2028, with regular reviews etc.

AIBU to expect this to continue? At least in the holidays anyway? Anyone else in this situation. For context I’m a low earner. He is not.

OP posts:
SchoolDilemma17 · 25/04/2025 06:52

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Cl0udbuster · 25/04/2025 06:51

So looking back it appears she’s on full maintenance loans and PIP. She absolutely is supposed to be supporting herself.

My dc have to support themselves on the lowest maintenance loans and no PIP.

Why would you be getting any maintenance she is maintaining herself.

ThreeLocusts · 25/04/2025 06:49

Bernie54 · 24/04/2025 17:03

Actually it is his problem. Our DD is adopted and also neurodivergent….i had a good career (a nurse) prior to the adoption but we decided her needs were so great that I would leave my career and focus on our daughter, she flourished from this and I had the time to fight for her EHCP, therapy etc. He then had an affair and left me, I had been out of work 10 years + he was earning £100K+ me £0. My registration was gone, I managed to get a job as a TA in a school. Him and his new wife earn a lot between them. Daughter prefers to live with me and I will be paying for her for the weeks she is at home. Why shouldn’t he still contribute when she is at home and then at uni send it to her??

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Amen OP. Some ignorant early responses on this thread.

Curioushoney · 25/04/2025 06:46

Bernie54 · 25/04/2025 06:43

another assumption.

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Well surely a fairly reasonable one?

Cl0udbuster · 25/04/2025 06:45

Bernie54 · 25/04/2025 06:43

another assumption.

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So is she attending uni at home or away?

What loans is she returning?

Curioushoney · 25/04/2025 06:45

Bernie54 · 25/04/2025 06:43

why do you want to know ??

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Very odd

you mention it
you say he has always paid without any issue but then throw in he’s become “less accommodating” since he remarried.

i just asked how given no issue with money at all.

Original poster
Bernie54 · 25/04/2025 06:43

Curioushoney · 25/04/2025 06:43

You said HE has become “less accommodating” since he remarried

my question is…. How so when you say you’ve never had any issue with him paying?

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why do you want to know ??

OP posts:
Original poster
Bernie54 · 25/04/2025 06:43

Cl0udbuster · 25/04/2025 06:39

Isn’t she supposed to support herself with her student loans .

Why would you get maintenance for somebody who no longer lives with you?

another assumption.

OP posts:
Curioushoney · 25/04/2025 06:43

Bernie54 · 25/04/2025 06:39

I haven’t had any issue. Correct.

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You said HE has become “less accommodating” since he remarried

my question is…. How so when you say you’ve never had any issue with him paying?

Original poster
Bernie54 · 25/04/2025 06:42

Singleaftermarriage · 25/04/2025 06:39

I don't think people here understand that adopting a child and then dealing with their SEN is a full time job. You definitely couldn't be a nurse and support her. I'm a professional in the area and the meetings alone often stop a parent from working. And it's usually the mother. If he is decent he should continue to pay, but if I was you I would now use my time to look into training to return to work, even if it takes time. I'm hoping you are getting a large chunk of his pension once he retires

Edited

Thank you so much I could literally cry. I gave it my all when we adopted her. We agreed that I would be the parent that did the meetings, school, therapy and everything in between. I was called by school most days to collect her, no employer would support that.

OP posts:
Original poster
Bernie54 · 25/04/2025 06:39

Curioushoney · 25/04/2025 06:38

But you say he’s become less accommodating since he married

how so? You say you’re never had any issues with him paying maintenance

Edited
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I haven’t had any issue. Correct.

OP posts:
Singleaftermarriage · 25/04/2025 06:39

I don't think people here understand that adopting a child and then dealing with their SEN is a full time job. You definitely couldn't be a nurse and support her. I'm a professional in the area and the meetings alone often stop a parent from working. And it's usually the mother. If he is decent he should continue to pay, but if I was you I would now use my time to look into training to return to work, even if it takes time. I'm hoping you are getting a large chunk of his pension once he retires

Cl0udbuster · 25/04/2025 06:39

Isn’t she supposed to support herself with her student loans .

Why would you get maintenance for somebody who no longer lives with you?

Original poster
Bernie54 · 25/04/2025 06:39

CanYouTurnItDown · 25/04/2025 06:16

For those acting like DSA is paid directly to her daughter, it’s not. It’s funding to pay for equipment and support at Uni to support with her studies and is paid directly to the company providing that support.

If you’re going to use any stick you can find to bear the woman, at least check it’s an actual stick first 🙄

Thank you. It’s starting to feel like a witch hunt 😊

OP posts:
Curioushoney · 25/04/2025 06:38

Bernie54 · 25/04/2025 06:31

I guess because it’s still 4 months away, so it’s something I’ve started to think about and he probably hasn’t yet. Plus we don’t communicate that much anyway

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But you say he’s become less accommodating since he married

how so? You say you’re never had any issues with him paying maintenance

Original poster
Bernie54 · 25/04/2025 06:37

Tangerinenets · 25/04/2025 06:34

Eh? Not clever at all. She was 18, fully able to make her own decisions where she stayed. She stayed at her Aunts because she helped care for her disabled cousin in the holidays!

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And that is my point I now get your post because you added more context to it, there is a lot of assumptions from mine because I’ve tried to keep it generic as much as possible.

OP posts:
Curioushoney · 25/04/2025 06:36

Bernie54 · 25/04/2025 06:32

Yes probably. Like I said I was just asking if others had experienced this.

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Well not probably

you’ll definitely save when she’s not there
and then when she’s back for the holidays, it’ll be one extra person’s food and some laundry which you can use the money you saved for (although she may well have savings herself)

Original poster
Bernie54 · 25/04/2025 06:35

Wishiwasatailor · 25/04/2025 06:23

You can get paid on a return to nursing course. The course itself is free. If you work full time it takes 3 months. Either you are sponsored by a organisation (hospital etc) and paid band 3/4 or you "volunteer" and are paid a stipend by nhs England although it's only £1k your future earning will probably be higher than a TA.

Thanks I will look into it, last time I checked a couple of years back, there was no options in my area. I even spoke to my old nursing manager. I have also lost my confidence a bit too and I do actually love my current role.

OP posts:
Tangerinenets · 25/04/2025 06:34

Bernie54 · 24/04/2025 17:24

Clever….

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Eh? Not clever at all. She was 18, fully able to make her own decisions where she stayed. She stayed at her Aunts because she helped care for her disabled cousin in the holidays!

Original poster
Bernie54 · 25/04/2025 06:32

Curioushoney · 25/04/2025 06:29

But you’ll save when she’s not there

and when she’s back for the holidays…. Surely we’re just talking one extra person’s food, bit more laundry etc?

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Yes probably. Like I said I was just asking if others had experienced this.

OP posts:
Original poster
Bernie54 · 25/04/2025 06:31

Curioushoney · 25/04/2025 06:30

How so? You say he’s never had any issue with paying you maintenance before now

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I guess because it’s still 4 months away, so it’s something I’ve started to think about and he probably hasn’t yet. Plus we don’t communicate that much anyway

OP posts:
Curioushoney · 25/04/2025 06:30

Bernie54 · 25/04/2025 06:01

We haven’t had the conversation. Things have changed somewhat since he remarried….his new wife the one he had an affair with is less accommodating

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How so? You say he’s never had any issue with paying you maintenance before now

Curioushoney · 25/04/2025 06:29

Bernie54 · 25/04/2025 05:57

Its for me to support her when she is home living with me in the very long holidays

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But you’ll save when she’s not there

and when she’s back for the holidays…. Surely we’re just talking one extra person’s food, bit more laundry etc?

Wishiwasatailor · 25/04/2025 06:23

You can get paid on a return to nursing course. The course itself is free. If you work full time it takes 3 months. Either you are sponsored by a organisation (hospital etc) and paid band 3/4 or you "volunteer" and are paid a stipend by nhs England although it's only £1k your future earning will probably be higher than a TA.

CanYouTurnItDown · 25/04/2025 06:16

For those acting like DSA is paid directly to her daughter, it’s not. It’s funding to pay for equipment and support at Uni to support with her studies and is paid directly to the company providing that support.

If you’re going to use any stick you can find to bear the woman, at least check it’s an actual stick first 🙄

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