Receiving child maintenance once child has gone to university ?

im actually astounded that post was deleted. Literally all it said was that there has been lots of posts lately about ex wives wanting maintenance to continue. Lots of posts where mums haven’t worked etc and then can’t cope without the money. I’d actually love to hear from MN HQ as to their deletion justification!!

and lots of people give up careers to have kids , it doesn’t mean that the ex has to fund her forever though ( of course he should be supporting the child and I’ve already said that ) and unfortunately for the Op, the guidelines are very clear on the expectation on the timelines for this.

But OP and her ex-husband adopted a child with disabilities. People have to jump through loads of hoops to be able to adopt and I assume that OP gave up her nursing career in order to facilitate the adoption as her providing full-time care would have been the preferred option. She is working full time now but on a low wage. Her ex-husband's career proceeded unimpeded.

You've had a post deleted so I assume that post was even more insulting and vitriolic than the undeleted ones.

I think because that’s the only part of my comment you’ve picked up on it’s quite obvious that you actually think your low income his is problem when it’s not

Nope, I'm good

Yes, this. I would very much hope your inability to earn due to your DD’s disabilities would have been taken into account in the original order. That would be a factor that I would expect to have been strongly argued on your behalf. It just can’t be child maintenance in that order for maintenance until 2028! It must be global or not child related … child maintenance does not cover uni years. OP, I suggest you (a) discuss in real detail with your ex how your daughter will be supported by you both as parents, (b) go to a lawyer if the order is unclear to you, and (c) start the journey of getting back into a better paid career, which is what lots of parents do once children leave home / the full on parenting period ends. You have time and you can see this as your time!

You are not and should not be entitled to child maintenance once your dd goes to university. She should be paying all of her own costs from her student loan and PIP, including during the holidays when she is living with you. The student loan payment is more in the Spring term to account for the fact that she has to live over the summer holidays.

However

The fact that you had to give up work to care for a disabled child should have been taken into account when the financial order was made. This could have been in the form of you receiving more than a 50% share of the assets or it could have been in the form of spousal maintenance. If spousal maintenance was included or it was as other have said a global order then that should continue until 2028.

Given that OP gets maintenance anyway until 2028, it would likely be better to do this only from 2027, she should get a solicitor's advice. It will also be possible then to say how well the DD fared away from home, and how much support has actually been needed.

If she is able to work after university, then minor support like doing her washing and helping her with shopping do not require financial maintenance. Even if dad doesn't put on the washing machine for her, it will only cost about £25/year to do all her laundry at home. If she isn't able to work, then sensible conversations about her living costs will be easier when that is clear.

DD will have higher uni debt because the loan is based on your low income as opposed to DF’s or your joint income had you not been separated. For me that would be the bigger issue.

You mentioned that you would both be sending DD money whilst at uni - in your shoes I would request ex to fund the difference between min and max maintenance loan directly to DD and instead of you sending any money to her at uni your contribution is supporting her during the weeks she’s at home.

At some point you need to be able to fund your living expenses without any maintenance assistance or relying on DD living at home and paying rent. One possible option is downsizing or a lodger.

Surely the point is that they're not a child any more, and besides don't parents realise this is coming once the period during which the absent parent has to pay ends?

Personally I liked the idea - if dad continues to pay money directly to the DD - of her chipping in while staying with mum during holidays, but the money's obviously going to end sometime so preparations will be needed

Would you like me to explain the difference between 'until 2028 as per the financial order' and 'for a lifetime'?

Yes. I can afford my life regardless of maintenance because it’s really stupid to rely on it .. it’s always going to stop. There has been so many of these types of threads recently with stay at home mums or part time working mums who can’t afford to have their income from their ex stop. It’s not your ex’s problem/ it’s yours. ( and I have a SEN kid to before that becomes an excuse - the mere fact that your daughter will go to uni is far far beyond what my daughter will achieve and I’ve always worked full time)

That's incorrect. The court can order further support/lump sums if disabilities are involved.

That doesn't take account of additional needs though. Some children are never wholly independent.

Op you can make a schedule 1 application under the Children Act. The court will look at your daughter's needs and make a ruling accordingly.

Why have you not acknowledged my link? Many university students claim from absent parents through this.

The law may disagree with me but yes, I don't personally believe anyone should have to. That is an opinion I'm entitled to, as anyone else is entitled to theirs. You'd need to be a very high earner for a life long maintenance order for an ex spouse to go through. A minority tbh and op hasn't said she has one.

No one? Because the law disagrees with you there. It is possible to make long term or even life long maintenance orders for a spouse and in some cases it is absolutely justified for someone to continue to support their ex spouse where that persons ability to earn money has been directly impacted as a result of the marriage. The OP falls into such a category. An adopted child with additional needs requires a huge amount of care that is incompatible with a career. The OP’s ex got to opt out of the impact of this due to the OP’s sacrifice. She has raised a child with a difficult start in life who is now going on to uni - a huge achievement in itself. However, her career is lost whereas her ex has been able to keep his intact.

@Newbutoldfather are your children disabled? Under LA policies re housing/benefits they aren't full adults. Various bodies have a duty of care towards them. For non disabled young people it's 21, for formally looked after children, disabled etc, it's 25. Someone has to house an 18 year old, if you are prepared to do it, great. If not, as long as you are helping them enough that they could pay their mother keep, that's also reasonable parenting.

But no one should be expected to sustain an ex spouse financially for a lifetime. People who divorce want ( and should) get a clean break. Providing for children is one thing. Providing for an ex spouse is another- which is what ops ex would be doing if maintenance continued for an adult dd who has gone to university and has their own finances.

Now come on OP, wouldn't any of us, who like weekends away refer to it as living in our houses part time? I go to Wales nearly every weekend, so obviously I'm a part time Welsh resident. Ffs.

This was not the place to post. There no understanding of adult disabled children on here. People are in court because the LAs can decide to house their adult, vulnerable children anywhere they like. Anyone who isn't bitter and/or a twat would get your point. She might not cope with UNI and will need a place to come home, or may not be able to live independently, so you need two bedroomed accommodation. She needs security, also because of her start in life. The court recognised your sacrifice and it was a needed one for an adopted, disabled child. The way your order is worded sounds as though it would continue, legally, as said, get advice. If your maintenance is a drop in the ocean to your ex, he'd be the lowest of the low to stop paying. My DD, is only now, at 28, starting to be truly independent and not in need of a lot of help, emotionally as well as practically. Working full time doesn't mean that they can function, as others do. Me still doing her washing and cleaning means that she can be financially independent, because otherwise she'd be too overwhelmed. Get legal advice, as suggested.