To ask my maid of honour not to announce her engagement at my wedding

You definitely cannot ask her not to talk about getting engaged.

It’s v unlikely she will announce it to everyone. She’s probably told them all via message already.

Even if she does tell a load of people on the night, there’s nothing you can do about it. She’s allowed to discuss whatever she likes with people.

I mean this in the kindest way, but you can’t control what someone else says just because it’s your wedding day. It’s a bit ‘Bridezilla’.

Do you have any reason to think she plans to announce it at your wedding?

You could do some gentle probing and ask her if she's told many people yet.

YABU to stop her mentioning to friends that she’s just recently got engaged, show off her ring for 30 seconds and get on with the day. She’s not going to “steal your thunder”. I’m sure if any of these friends were close to her and cared a big amount they’d know about it before the wedding

YANBU if you mean she wants to make a big announcement at your wedding. Obviously that’s not cool

What do you mean by "announcing" it?

I wouldn't expect her to get up and make a big announcement in front of everyone, but I don't think I would ever pick someone as my MoH who would even think of doing something like that.

If you mean that you don't want her to tell people at all, then yabvu.

If you genuinely think she will keep it a secret until your wedding day then no, that's not okay. But generally it's announced on SM pretty swiftly. And honestly, no one will give a fig.

They may notice her ring. I always notice rings

you are slightly bridzilla

She can tell people when we she damn well feels like it on the ONE proviso it’s not an “announcement” at the OP’s wedding

Why can she not announce it now and get it out of the way?

This. Once the ceremony is over it’s just a get together and people talk about anything they like. 🤷‍♀️

Surely she will have announced it to everyone before your wedding?

I'd expect people to say congratulations to her when they see her like they would if there was a newborn baby there/someone pregnant or if someone had graduated from uni etc.

I can't see how that would take anything away from you.

I mean, I doubt very much that she is intending on standing up and making a speech at your wedding about her engagement a month after the actual engagement but even if she suddenly, randomly did, it would be interesting conversation for about 5 minutes maximum.

I don't even think that at weddings the bride and groom are the focus of all the guests for the entire day. For the ceremony, yes. After that people are just generally enjoying catching up with their friends and chatting to other guests.

With kindness, people aren't usually all that fussed about other people's engagements or weddings, so I think making a big deal out of this just feels a bit OTT. If she is just chatting to people and telling them then what is the issue? It's not like people would otherwise be spending the whole time talking about you and your dh, it'll just be part of the chit-chat.

Have you been to a wedding? It’s very rare for a guest to stand up and make a personal announcement.

Do you think guests spend the whole day only talking about the bride and groom?! Sorry to burst your bubble, but I can’t recall ever speaking about the bride and groom at a wedding. It’s a general catch up with friends, meeting new people etc. At most it will be:

‘oh did you hear Anna and Ben got engaged?’
‘yes I did, how lovely’
’do You want a top up?’
’yes please, did I tell you about the hilarious parking situation with my neighbour last week?’

I have to agree with other posters here, as long as she doesn’t make a big speech etc then I can’t see the problem. Surely most people will know by then anyway. If she’s your MOH and obviously a good friend then asking her to keep it to herself is a bit mean spirited.

I would prefer that she announced now so that things will be a little calmer in 4 weeks because everyone will know.

As long as it’s not a big over the top announcement, I can’t see why she can’t just talk to her friends and tell them she’s engaged whilst at your wedding if that’s the first time she’s seen them since it happened.

Announce as in make a big group announcement, or just tell people on the day when she’s speaking to them?

I read the title of this and thought you meant a proper announcement, which would be weird and I wouldn't like. But you can't stop people chatting about what's going on in their lives!

It won't make the slightest difference to the focus/attention on you!

I never get this 'no-one is allowed to steal my thunder' mentality surrounding a wedding. But that's just me.

If all your mutual friends are going to be there it would be a good way for her to tell everyone. Could she do it much later on in the day after the ceremony/photos/meal/speeches have all been done?

I don't get why it should matter that much if she tells people she got engaged? Yes they will be happy for her but its in no way going to spoil your wedding day at this stage of the day is it? Or is it?

I guess if it really bothers you that much then you could ask her if she wouldn't mind but to me it feels a little mean if she is a good friend.

Would she “announce it” in some sort of stand up fashion? doubtful if you’ve chosen her as your maid of honour and are good enough friends to do so? If you’re trying to ban her from having casual conversations of ooh I got engaged, with people yabu. Conversations will be happening about all sorts of things, that aren’t all about you, it’s standard stuff when people haven’t seen each other in a while, every conversation won’t be all about you.

I’ll be honest: if a friend tells me they are engaged, I’m delighted for them but within about 5 minutes it will be out of my mind. It’s a life changing event for them, but not for me!

As long as she doesn’t announce it in a speech or ask the DJ to dedicate a song to her engagement or something, I’d let it pass. No one will care. The wedding day is still about you.

How soon is your wedding? Is it in early May, or late May?
She will probably have told everyone before that anyway.

Congratulations!

If you mean you don't want her to actually announce it, as in on the mic or something, YANBU.

If you mean you don't want her to tell people at all, even in individual conversations, YABU.

As long as she doesn’t make an announcement, then butt out

Clearly inappropriate of her to 'announce' it but surely you don't have a problem with her telling people?