To ask my maid of honour not to announce her engagement at my wedding

Imagine this the other way around. For example, that just before her eventual wedding, you found out you were expecting a baby. You naturally wouldn't "announce" it at her wedding and wouldn't make her day all about you, but you would be excited to see some friends for the first time since you shared the news and have a big hug and a smile about it discreetly in the sidelines. That would be natural, normal and perfectly okay. People know that it's your day and all the focus will be on you - that's what the white dress and the big party are all about. But weddings are also social occasions, and your guests have lives that go on outside of your nuptials and are important to them. If you ask them to censor themselves it will only put a downer on the day for everyone. Trust your MoH to behave reasonably and try to shake off this feeling. Lead with the positive energy that you want for your day - be as happy for and celebratory of them as you want them to be of you

I was 14 weeks pregnant at one of my best friends weddings, it never once occurred to me I’d be stealing her limelight by telling friends who were there that I was pregnant. Luckily it didn’t occur to her either, and I can say with 100% certainty it didn’t take any of the “shine” off her and her husband - people will be chatting about all sorts of life events, they’ll say congratulations and the conversation will move on. Totally unreasonable to police what she talks to her friends about.

I would just speak to her and say I assume you will have told everyone by my wedding. I don’t want an announcement made

I told my grandparents I was pregnant at my cousins wedding as they live far away and I rarely saw them. It didn't even occur to me that anyone would care. I think it would be completely bridezilla to tell your MofH what she can and can't say.

Is your name Jackie and are you marrying a man called Clint?

Get a grip. If you were a good friend you'd have it announced as a bit of nice news in the speech. Nobody really gives a fuck when people have got engaged so people might congratulate them and then all of the attention can be turned back on you.

Honestly what is all this nonsense about stealing the limelight?!! No one else can have an ounce of attention because it’s your wedding day? Why do you even want that? It’s so self absorbed. So what if someone announces their engagement - just be happy? You don’t trump anyone, and nor does your wedding. What’s the worst that can happen, a few people congratulate her and are excited? Picturing you in the corner desperately waving your arms around saying “me me look at me, I’m over here” 🤣🤣 get over yourself …

One of my friends got engaged a month or so before my wedding (I was delighted for her!) and at my hen night (just dinner and drinks, I wasn’t a mad bridezilla type) a couple of weeks later she did not stop talking about her own wedding. Friends were asking about details of my wedding (as it was my hen night!) and every time she’d interrupt and talk about her plans. I put it down to her being excited but it drove me bonkers.

My cousin was my bridesmaid, her partner was our usher.
They told us not long before our wedding that they were engaged, and we actually announced it at our evening do. She wouldn't have done it, thinking she'd take away from 'our' day, but she was okay with us saying it.
And it gave family a bit of notice about their wedding.
So long as it isn't done to overshadow your day, I'd be fine with that. And happy for them.

As I said upthread, I suspect this OP would very very much give a shit!

Your wedding day will be about you in the ways that matter. There isn't much that's urgent to say to your MOH except 'congratulations, what are your plans?' and her friends will already have asked her that when they first heard. There will probably be some chat about her upcoming wedding during the socialising bits of the day; people will talk about all kinds of things then, which is as it should be.

A friend of mine quietly told me she was engaged at my wedding - we said congratulations during the speeches. Honestly, you will be so happy you won’t give a shit.

Now that is the height of bad manners!!

I'd only forgive this if they were exceptionally hard for money & the postage was really gonna cripple them. But even then, not inviting you was piss poor of them! How bloody rude!!

This kind of attitude makes me cringe so very much. I would be delighted to share a good friend’s news at my wedding. Why are people so precious nowadays?

Do you not think the day is going to be enough about you and your husband? Do you think her announcement will make people forget you are the bride? Don’t you think you’re going to be happy enough on the day that this news being spread might blight your wedding?

Goodness. Stop being so petty. Take a step back and see the bigger picture. Life must be a struggle with these kind of miserable attitudes.

Bloody hell, if it was my maid of honour, I'd be wanting to know if it was okay to do a toast to them at the wedding or if they were trying to keep it hush-hush for a little while, toasting and celebrating someone else's happy news doesn't take away from your own!!

Do you mean if she’s doing a speech? Surely you’re not wanting to police her conversations with people throughout the day…

People will be talking about other things than the wedding all day

Why ON EARTH would this bother you?

Tell her for a grand she can share the party...

Depends what you mean by "announce"
If standing up in front of everyone making a toast about it - yes that would be inappropriate
But expecting her to, what, not mention her biggest news when she catches up with people and they ask her what she's been up to, and, what, take her engagement ring off....yeah that's too much.
Tbh I would have thought she'd just tell people before then anyway?

Someone handed out save the dates at my wedding. The clincher being I didn’t get one!
(We did go to their wedding in the evening but they are divorced now anyway!)

I wouldn't care if someone got engaged at my wedding I'd be so full of love, so an announcement (or just talking about it) would be fine.

YABU and frankly up your own arse.

She should ‘announce’ it now. Or at least tell everyone she knows.

This is something I can't understand or relate to. If it was my friend, I'd want her to announce it at my wedding! It would be lovely for her to share happy news on a happy day.

It's a very special day for you, but it's not a special day for anyone else really. You can't expect all your guests to kowtow to your specialness really, they've got their own priorities and lives and probably think it's nice that you are getting married, but not something they need to adjust their lives for particularly. So I get that it would be very bad manners to cause a stir or make a grand announcement, but if it just comes up in conversation, what's the problem? Surely everyone will know by then anyway?

These wedding posts do amuse me, anything else that would be off topic for guests to have conversations about, perhaps you shouls throw in holidays too in case some guests might out trump your honeymoon?😂