To ask my maid of honour not to announce her engagement at my wedding

I think you’re being unreasonable.

As MoH she is presumably your closest friend/family member?
I don’t think you can ask someone that close to conceal something purely because it would make you jealous. Obviously no grand announcement or anything but to tell people and flash a ring in conversation? Absolutely fine.

No one will miss your first kiss as a married couple or first dance because they’re trying to get a look at the ring or rushing to congratulate them.
Engagements (and weddings to be honest), are massive deals to the people involved, but just a nice piece of passing news for most others.
I just think you’re overestimating the response she’ll get, an excited squeal and hug from a few aren’t going to overshadow your day, and if you’re that close you shouldn’t feel like it should!

Surely she’ll announce it before then on socials or something? I’m assuming she’ll be wearing a ring…you absolutely can’t ask her to hide her engagement from her friends. Are people only allowed to talk about you on your wedding day? Trust me you’ll be getting plenty of attention so I wouldn’t worry too much. Maybe be happy for her? She’s your ‘maid of honour’ so I’m assuming you care about her somewhat?

Unless you are drip feeding and your MoH of being inappropriate and loud I can't see what is your concern?

People will be chatting about everything 🙄

I can't understand these feelings of jealously and biterness towards people who are supposed to be your closest most special friends/family

I just have never understood women being so precious about their wedding day. Do you really think that your MOH telling some people that she is pregnant is all of a sudden going to turn their attention from you?

This is indeed really bizarre. One of my two adult bridesmaids was also pregnant. 16 days away from her delivery as it turned out but she was happy to carry on. Why would I have changed from a church wedding?

Yet part of life? Other people exist? How is it unnecessary? If the news hasn’t reached certain people then of course it will be shared. Or should the bride and groom list safe topics for guests to discuss that ensure not an ounce of attention is placed elsewhere?! Would love to know what’s off limits - a new job? Relocating? Having a baby? Weddings are a celebration of people and family and future. Get a grip.

You realise that people don’t really talk about the bride and groom particularly when in conversation, right, other than a quick courteous ‘wasn’t that lovely, doesn’t she look gorgeous, wasn’t the flower girl cute!’ Or whatever for 30 seconds? I’m just not sure what you’re picturing. Your MoH spots your mutual friend, Anna, goes over for a chat, and after a bit of a catch up says ‘well yes everything’s great - actually Chris and I got engaged last month!’ and shows the ring. Should Anna be shocked and say ‘What?! Why are you telling me this?! We must go back to talking about the bride immediately?!’ I honestly don’t get it. Surely Anna will say ‘aww that’s lovely, congrats, have you set a date?’ And then there will be some general wedding chat. And then it will move on to ‘So how’s the new job, Anna?’ Or whatever. Weddings are social occasions where people catch up on their news, you can’t censor that, and I don’t really get why you’d want to!

Your sister was 7 months pregnant…. I mean she wasn’t ill

why couldn’t she attend a church? Why the need to switch to just family? What were all these accommodations you made for her?

i got married when i was 6 months pregnant…. Can’t really think that anything was different because i was pregnant

Seriously…? You would censor what someone says and does at a wedding?! Jesus.

When I got married, I wanted nothing more than to have my sister as my MofH.
But she was 7 months pregnant.
So we switched from a church wedding to my parent’s home and had just family at the ceremony.
We found outfits that suited my sister first - and then the other girl.
I did everything I could to accommodate my MofH because I love her.
Yes - our wedding day was a celebration of us, but it wouldn’t have meant anything if we hadn’t had the people we loved around us.
We had a reception afterwards.
So what if she says something about her engagement? It’s a happy day. It isn’t going to steal any light or energy away from you.
Because it’s your day.
Be confident in that fact and be generous with your love. She’s your maid of honour - you chose her because you love her. Remember?
You’re gonna shine. ❤️

Surely people will be told before then? Telling friends is fine but an actual engagement at a wedding or big announcement seems unnecessary!

Your use of the sceptical quote marks indicates you take my own view: that the word 'annouce' seems in some people's reckoning to be a synonym for 'tell'.

No one can control what someone tells others, and when. I was so happy on my own wedding day that my chief witness could have shouted with a megaphone that she was pregnant with the second messiah, and I'd still have been euphoric for us both.

No don't ask her that, that would be offensive. I very much doubt she intends to grab the mic and announce it. But she may possibly meet up with people at the event who haven't heard or have, and want to find out more, and so will talk about it. Mostly at weddings the bride and groom don't have time to gossip at length with their closest friends, but everyone else does. You can't legislate for what they will talk about.

Where I am, 'announcing' every single life milestone is anathema to me. I merely tell the people closest to me who would actually care and really want to know. Most people don't. They simply say 'that's nice, congratulations', and move on. There is no need to shout annoucements everywhere. Good news tends to travel fast enough.

Barring having a mic drop moment at somebody else's special event she can tell who, and when, she wants.

I’d be surprised if she does any ‘announcing’ at your wedding. I guess she might tell the odd person if she’s not spoken to them recently. You can’t possibly ask her not to mention it, that would be super weird. Also, she’ll be wearing a ring, right?

@Skyhu YANBU OP, but I hope you wouldn't have to ask your friend as she should have the sensitivity to know that to announce her engagement at your wedding would be very bad form.

This. Does she plan to let people know or make a speech?

Where I am, making big announcements like engagement or pregnancy at someone else's wedding is seen as rude and hijacking the party and stealing the wedding couple's thunder.

They can have their own party if they want.

So basically they’re all just extras / background characters for the photos & to provide an obedient audience for the bride. Not real people who have real lives they might want to mention while chatting with other guests.

Got it.

Lol this is so unreasonable, I call reverse

I should think a decent person would welcome another happy moment at their wedding.

Instead it’s Main Character Syndrome, as usual.

Yabu. Ridiculous. What is the world coming to?

Is she likely to "announce" it or just tell people and talk about it as people do generally chat about what's happening in their lives. Unless you think she's got plans to stand up in the middle of your ceremony or speeches and announce her engagement I'd keep quiet.

Sorry she can't mention being engaged at your wedding? Or do you think she's going to gather everyone up and make a speech about her own upcoming wedding?

Yanbu OP. Anyone with an ounce of self respect, social awareness and basic manners, would NOT announce their engagement or pregnancy or whatever at someone else's wedding. No, it is not precious to hope the limelight is on the marrying couple for that particular day.

Such a lot of contrary replies on this thread. From the up for a fight types.