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Original poster

To ask my maid of honour not to announce her engagement at my wedding

207 replies

Skyhu · 24/04/2025 16:23

I'm getting married next month, my MoH has just told me that she's engaged. Obviously, I'm super happy for her, but we have a lot of mutual friends, and the next time we will see most of them is at our wedding. I don't want to have to ask her, but I just want our day to be about me and my FH.

All advice appreciated!

OP posts:
PinkyFlamingo · 24/04/2025 21:51

You must either be very insecure or narcissistic if you think someone telling friends they were engaged at your wedding would make "the day not about you", you are the bride FFS!

Tbrh · 24/04/2025 21:47

If you mean announce in a speech then YANBU, although does it really matter? If you mean you don't want her to tell other people then you're being a bit ridiculous. Surely all her friends will know by now anyway?

TheHerboriste · 24/04/2025 21:37

Calmdownpeople · 24/04/2025 21:32

Can you imagine?

A: How are you?
B: Fine
A: what’s new?
B: Nothing nothing at all. We can only talk about the bride and wedding so nothing about me or my life. How are you?
A: Fine, nothing I can say from my side.

Good solid social chat of close people at a wedding.

Show quote history

Exactly. Well stated.

Livelovebehappy · 24/04/2025 21:37

If she’s wearing an engagement ring people are going to notice and comment anyway. You can’t tell her to hide the ring or remove it.

Calmdownpeople · 24/04/2025 21:32

Herewegoagain84 · 24/04/2025 20:07

Yet part of life? Other people exist? How is it unnecessary? If the news hasn’t reached certain people then of course it will be shared. Or should the bride and groom list safe topics for guests to discuss that ensure not an ounce of attention is placed elsewhere?! Would love to know what’s off limits - a new job? Relocating? Having a baby? Weddings are a celebration of people and family and future. Get a grip.

Show quote history

Can you imagine?

A: How are you?
B: Fine
A: what’s new?
B: Nothing nothing at all. We can only talk about the bride and wedding so nothing about me or my life. How are you?
A: Fine, nothing I can say from my side.

Good solid social chat of close people at a wedding.

Calmdownpeople · 24/04/2025 21:29

nessiesnotreal · 24/04/2025 16:30

I never get this 'no-one is allowed to steal my thunder' mentality surrounding a wedding. But that's just me.

If all your mutual friends are going to be there it would be a good way for her to tell everyone. Could she do it much later on in the day after the ceremony/photos/meal/speeches have all been done?

I don't get why it should matter that much if she tells people she got engaged? Yes they will be happy for her but its in no way going to spoil your wedding day at this stage of the day is it? Or is it?

I guess if it really bothers you that much then you could ask her if she wouldn't mind but to me it feels a little mean if she is a good friend.

Completely agree. Surely your MoH is close to you and you want her to be happy or is it onky on your terms?

Of course she shouldn’t announce it but completely fine to tell people. The fact that you are even worrying about this as a possibility speaks volumes about you OP.

Curioushoney · 24/04/2025 21:19

DappledThings · 24/04/2025 21:17

Assuming BFD means big fucking deal, not something I've ever seen used as an acronym but it fits, then it isn't one. I find it very odd.

It's many a decade since even a pregnant bride would raise much of an eyebrow at a CofE wedding, let alone a bridesmaid whose virtue is irrelevant. So your reasoning was pretty inevitable in your first post.

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I know very weird

Violettaaa · 24/04/2025 21:17

Agree with PP saying that weddings are social events for most people. There is no such thing as guests « focusing » on the bride all day and night long, appart perhaps some very close family members like parents, and even then, they’re usually happy to socialise with their friends. This is something which never came to my mind when I got married. All I wanted was to be surrounded by people I care about and them to have a great, memorable time. I didn’t make this day just about me/us.

DappledThings · 24/04/2025 21:17

DreamTheMoors · 24/04/2025 21:13

Back in those days at our church it was considered inappropriate for such a pregnant woman to be in a wedding - I was told. I didn’t argue. I simply adjusted and accommodated.
And it was lovely and everybody was happy.
Why is it such a BFD to you?

Show quote history

Assuming BFD means big fucking deal, not something I've ever seen used as an acronym but it fits, then it isn't one. I find it very odd.

It's many a decade since even a pregnant bride would raise much of an eyebrow at a CofE wedding, let alone a bridesmaid whose virtue is irrelevant. So your reasoning was pretty inevitable in your first post.

CalypsoCuthbertson · 24/04/2025 21:16

Your guest are going to need something to talk about - weddings are very long and boring!

MadamCholetsbonnet · 24/04/2025 21:15

Blondeshavemorefun · 24/04/2025 16:49

They may notice her ring. I always notice rings

you are slightly bridzilla

Exactly.

Or do you want her to not wear her engagement ring, just in case it takes some of the shine off you? 🙄

Curioushoney · 24/04/2025 21:14

DreamTheMoors · 24/04/2025 21:13

Back in those days at our church it was considered inappropriate for such a pregnant woman to be in a wedding - I was told. I didn’t argue. I simply adjusted and accommodated.
And it was lovely and everybody was happy.
Why is it such a BFD to you?

Show quote history

How long ago was your wedding?

Kateb12 · 24/04/2025 21:13

Lmaoo are you a child? No one even cares that you or her are getting married... most people attend about 1 or 2 weddings a year anyway... they are boring.

DreamTheMoors · 24/04/2025 21:13

DappledThings · 24/04/2025 20:07

This is indeed really bizarre. One of my two adult bridesmaids was also pregnant. 16 days away from her delivery as it turned out but she was happy to carry on. Why would I have changed from a church wedding?

Show quote history

Back in those days at our church it was considered inappropriate for such a pregnant woman to be in a wedding - I was told. I didn’t argue. I simply adjusted and accommodated.
And it was lovely and everybody was happy.
Why is it such a BFD to you?

lifeonmars100 · 24/04/2025 21:11

It really wouldn't bother me, and surely she will be telling people before your wedding, given that she has already got engaged. I also can't recall a single wedding that I have been to where the bride and groom were the constant centre of attention for the whole event. One of my friends got married on New Year's Eve and the evening do not only celebrated their marriage but also welcomed in the new year.

londongirl12 · 24/04/2025 20:55

It’s not like she’ll announce it, and then everyone magically forgets where they are and why, and only then focus on her. Hopefully she won’t do it, but if she does, it’s not exactly the end of the world. Don’t be that bride.

heroinechic · 24/04/2025 20:51

Why don’t you ask her when she plans to announce it to family and friends and take it from there? Presumably she’ll post something on social media soon.

If she tells you she plans to announce it at your wedding I don’t think YABU to ask her not to, but I don’t think you can police her conversations on the day. People are likely to congratulate her if it’s the first time they’ve seen her, and it’s an easy thing to bring up in “small talk”.

Herewegoagain84 · 24/04/2025 20:43

Bananafofana · 24/04/2025 20:40

She’ll hopefully be polite enough not to mention it - I got engaged just before a friend’s wedding and I switched my engagement ring to the other hand when we attended so eagle-eyed friends didn’t notice. We announced it a week later. If the bride had actually asked me not to talk about it however…I would have been mortified and thought she was up her own arse.

YABU.

Mentioning it would not be “impolite” - don’t be so ridiculous.

Eenameenadeeka · 24/04/2025 20:43

Making an announcement in front of everyone would be unreasonable. Telling her own friends in small conversations would be completely fine

DappledThings · 24/04/2025 20:42

Bananafofana · 24/04/2025 20:40

She’ll hopefully be polite enough not to mention it - I got engaged just before a friend’s wedding and I switched my engagement ring to the other hand when we attended so eagle-eyed friends didn’t notice. We announced it a week later. If the bride had actually asked me not to talk about it however…I would have been mortified and thought she was up her own arse.

YABU.

That was all very unnecessary and playing into the silly idea of thunder stealing.

Bananafofana · 24/04/2025 20:40

She’ll hopefully be polite enough not to mention it - I got engaged just before a friend’s wedding and I switched my engagement ring to the other hand when we attended so eagle-eyed friends didn’t notice. We announced it a week later. If the bride had actually asked me not to talk about it however…I would have been mortified and thought she was up her own arse.

YABU.

MyZippyLemonBiscuit · 24/04/2025 20:40

I still can’t believe people like you exist

ZoeCM · 24/04/2025 20:25

Atarin · 24/04/2025 16:37

Have you been to a wedding? It’s very rare for a guest to stand up and make a personal announcement.

Do you think guests spend the whole day only talking about the bride and groom?! Sorry to burst your bubble, but I can’t recall ever speaking about the bride and groom at a wedding. It’s a general catch up with friends, meeting new people etc. At most it will be:

‘oh did you hear Anna and Ben got engaged?’
‘yes I did, how lovely’
’do You want a top up?’
’yes please, did I tell you about the hilarious parking situation with my neighbour last week?’

Same here! I've never been to a wedding where people discuss the bride and groom, really. Everyone just catches up with each other.

Jaggy1 · 24/04/2025 20:23

WeirdyBeardyMarrowBabyLady · 24/04/2025 20:22

Who’s FH? First husband?

YABU

Future, I’m assuming 😀

WeirdyBeardyMarrowBabyLady · 24/04/2025 20:22

Who’s FH? First husband?

YABU