To not want to spend my free time being a carer and taxi?

This 👍
Fuck that for a game of soldiers. Reward that bollocks with complete NO for the next 4 weeks. Also give them a heads up that you are not doing it during the school summer holiday, your poor daughter. They don't give a shit how their selfish, entitled behaviour affects you or your daughter.

I agree that comment should be the last straw. You need to say no. Guilt trip and emotional blackmail? Hang up.
If they can’t do things themselves then they need a care assessment to decide what help they need.

With the hospital trips, call the ambulance transport people (most hosptals have this) and get her booked in

With the rest, step right back, ignore the emotional blackmail and insist she'll have to have outside carers, or if she refuses wait for the inevitable crisis and then talk about residential care

As PPs have said she'll refuse "outsiders" just so long as you're prepared to do it, so the only answer is to stop, knowing that you're certainly not dumping her because perfectly good alternatives are available

I’ve had this comment this morning said to my 3 year old “mummy isn’t really being unkind. She’s just pretending”

Edited to add that I posted before seeing this, and it would be the final straw for me
Basically the situation will continue as long as you allow it to, so it needs to end

You have to drop the rope. My DGM tried it on with me and I did help a lot but she would expect me to go to multiple grocery stores to save her money when I too was a single parent, working full time. My cousin's however, with wives at home and more money we're not expected to because they had to go home ...

Your relative needs outside help. Before you know it your life and your DCs lives will not be yours and their own.

With that comment they would be finding their own way home

How dare she bring a 3yr old into it
Trying to start manipulating young

You have to say no, for you and your 3yr old

Just stop. Tell them you can’t do it anymore and they need to get outside help.

Take it from someone who had to care for their dying MIL as her children couldn’t be arsed to step up till she was on her death bed. I spent years looking after her. I’d never do it again for anyone but my own children, and my own children know if I ever get like that to stick me in a home.

This!

So what if it takes an hour. If someone can do something for themselves they need to get on and do it. Does it matter that it takes an hour? What else were they going to do with that time... Nothing I'm sure.

You only have one life, don't let this be yours

Well you could fetch them both from the hospital.

But I’ve had this comment this morning said to my 3 year old “mummy isn’t really being unkind. She’s just pretending” fuck that shit. Tell them you’re busy. If you’re feeling guilty for not giving them a lift, Google a taxi number for them. If not, don’t.

You need to stop ‘explaining’ to them. It implies that if they could just understand what you are going through and your pov, they would eventually respond with ‘of course, you’re right, I’m being completely unreasonable, I’m so sorry for putting so many expectations in you!’ This is never going to happen.

so instead of explaining, you state clearly what you are willing to do. That’s boundaries, you decide them, you enforce them.

I would be asking them to take a taxi back. You cannot carry on like this. why are you putting such little value on your own time?

Also leave longer to respond to messages.

You're getting boiled frogged inti being a full time carer.

Contact your local council, arrange a carer's assessment for yourself & a needs assessment for your relative.

Let them help.

We're only just getting support now, as relatives "managed" but it's been so helpful.

Good luck, boundary setting is hard, rinse & repeat until it sinks in.

The original post states in the process of applying for AA...and a blue badge.

You are a single parent with a job and, as you have said, you hardly have any time to yourself. You will burn out soon if you don't pull back.

You haven't said what relation they are to you, but even if they are one of your parents, you aren't in a position to provide that level of care. No-one is obliged to care for their aging parents. You are correct when you say that some people on here will says things like “it would be an honor to care for my mum/dad/aunt etc in their later years.” They may have a very different relationship with their relatives or maybe they aren't single parents with a job.

If you look on the Elderly Parents board, you will see many people (pretty much always women), running themselves ragged to help ungrateful parents who don't appreciate it and who often didn't give their children a great childhood.

Your child comes first and exhausting yourself running round after this relative who could employ carers will have a detrimental impact on your child.

apologies for the duplicate posts, not sure what happened.

Duplicate post

Duplicate post

My mum would take an hour to get dressed and go to the bathroom and took great pride in the fact she could do it herself. She didn't find it easy and would need a good rest afterwards.This person can do it but chooses not to do it unless you are helping them. That's actually making them more dependent. I'm assuming this is your mum?

Just looked it up. You are right. It depends on how much you earn

Are you sure about that OP? I know people who work full time but still get carers allowance

I work for a charity supporting unpaid carers. I agree with (almost) everything other posters have said. Sounds to me like you are being bullied into being thi persons carer. The cared for can become incredibly selfish and single visioned, it becomes me me me and only me, until you realise that your child has stopped being your priority. You must stop doing for them what they can do for themselves.

Please contact a carers support group where you live, they can give practical and emotional support with no judgment.

I feel like this for my own husband, who can no longer drive due to illnesses and it is making me resent him so much. in fact resent is not a strong enough word for how much this has pushed me away from him! caring for him and my son is making me miserable so I totally understand how you feel....

You have to be very clear with them that you will not be their carer. Of course they don't want outsiders in their home and dealing with personal care.
So sorry that you are going through this. There will probably be tears and emotional blackmail but please get carers in.

Why are they using a commode?