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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Child's friend parent on sexual offender register

783 replies

springisspringing1 · 24/04/2025 13:57

I live in a smallish town - only one primary school and only one class per year. My DC is in reception. One of the children's fathers was found guilty of looking at child sex photographs and online grooming of a young teen girl. He is on the sexual offender register. The mother has retained a close relationship with the father (they may still be together - I don't know her well enough). We have kids' birthday parties all the time and eg when she hosts one, the father is likely to be there. I don't want my children near this man. I just don't. I think she's keen for him to be reintegrated into the (quite small) community. AIBU is, I suppose, to make it clear I don't want him to bring their child to my child's party? (I will just make an excuse for their party). Also - is this unfair on my child's friend (who is obviously only 4 too). This is not something that is going to go away -- and want to work out how to manage it now. Please be kind - I absolutely know it is not the mother or the child's fault.

OP posts:
Praying4Peace · 24/04/2025 14:03

Yabu
Not sure why you don't want child's dad bringing them to your child's party?
He won't ever be alone with your child.
Your child isn't at risk so for the sake of everyone's wellbeing, you need to support opportunities to allow man to be reintegrated, without putting anymore at risk

Gymmum82 · 24/04/2025 14:03

Obviously your child will never go to play dates at their house. But you can’t dictate who can bring the child to your child’s parties. All you can do is exclude the child. Which would be unfair

Original poster
springisspringing1 · 24/04/2025 14:03

I suppose I just see it as different - other men being physically present and interacting with my kids at a children's party - fine. I wouldn't expect to police every word. In his case, I don't want him chatting to my kids in any way. We don't do drop and run parties - the kids are only four. He would stay.

OP posts:
saraclara · 24/04/2025 14:02

Poor kid. Four years old. "Mummy, why is everyone else in my class invited to Spring minor's party, but not me?"
"Mummy, we invited everyone to my party, so why is no-one coming?"

friendsonly · 24/04/2025 14:01

I wouldn’t view him differently to any other man I didn’t know and wouldn’t leave my child alone with any of them.
but I can’t see why he can’t drop his child at your party, that wouldn’t be putting your child at risk.

Original poster
springisspringing1 · 24/04/2025 14:01

Thanks, @saraclara I don't really want my children near him full stop. It's the grooming element of the case - the fact that he was building a relationship with a child - it just seems like such a terrible breach of trust. I don't want him even talking to my children. And I don't know how to set out my worries to my kids either (obvs not saying anything to them now, because there just isn't an age appropriate way of explaining it).

OP posts:
VickyEadieofThigh · 24/04/2025 14:00

saraclara · 24/04/2025 13:58

Your child will never be near that man, unsupervised. Don't punish his child for their father's actions.

How do you know?

saraclara · 24/04/2025 13:58

Your child will never be near that man, unsupervised. Don't punish his child for their father's actions.