Child's friend parent on sexual offender register

He is allowed near his own child because firstly he will have been assessed as safe to be around them. We are seeing in society an absolutely enormous number of men arrested gor online child abuse offences sadly.

I really dislike judgemental vigilante style approaches. This man is being monitored by SS and police and those close to him know his risks.

He is zero risk on the doorstep of your house and you are just punishing his child

I would let your child go to his child's party but I would stay and if at any point in the future it is a drop-off party I'd make my excuses. At your own party I think you are well within your rights to tell the mum that the child is welcome but that he is not. If it's a drop-off/pick-up, he should wait outside. Ultimately, she will come to save the embarrassment. And no playdates at theirs ever.

I’m not sure how you would find out, I only know the details of this man’s because I am friends with his ex wife. Surely he can’t just have free rein around children though? That would be crazy.

I definitely agree with you though in that I wouldn’t have him at my house or anywhere near my kids, I’m not sure what it’s like where you live but the Dad I know isn’t welcome anywhere around here and other parents would make that very clear but he also hasn’t tried to integrate himself and keeps a very low profile.

If the OP is hosting a party, she’s going to be too busy to watch her child every minute. And certainly won’t be able to police this man’s interactions with her child - or any of the others. And this is if it’s in her own home. Completely impossible if it was somewhere like soft play for example.

There must be some way of finding out if he is even allowed at this kind of event.

You can feel natural horror snd revulsion ...and remain vigilant. without descending into a mob type mentality of constant punishment of someone already being closely watched by authorities.

YANBU . Why is a man like that even allowed near his own children?

This man probably is less of a risk now than random others as he is being monitored.

Online grooming doesn't mean he is going to target a child at a birthday party.

I would not punish his poor child for his crimes which he is clearly being punished for himself anyway.

Of course it does, but even if she is doing that, why integrate him back into the community? She doesn’t have to subject other children to her husband’s depravity.

There are ways of doing what you suggest and this isn’t it.

I wouldn’t have anything to do with him at all

I had a slightly similar situation op with an extended family member and stopped by daughter aged 5 going to the home of this person & went nc. They didn't have young kids so there wasn't an issue with parties etc. Yes I feel sorry for your friends child suffering due to the vile pervert but gosh, I absolutely see your point. Can someone please update me on the law, are paedophiles even actually allowed around near children?

Does the mum know that you know her ex is on the sex offenders register?

You could just say it bluntly.

"Please can you accompany Amy to Lizzie's party? I'm aware that Amy's dad is on the sex offenders register and I don't feel comfortable with him in my house."

You do realise if she left him then he’d still be eligible to have at least 50/50 custody of his child? So perhaps she’s staying to protect her child against that. The justice system needs to change around this. Desperately

Honestly OP, I would feel exactly the same as you and I would just lay it out for the mother.

‘As you’ve seen from the invite, we are having a bday party for my DD at home Saturday week. We would love to see X on the day. However, due to X’s father’s previous behaviour and convictions I would request that he not drop X off, atrend the party or come near the house. Thanks for your understanding and can’t wait to see X on the day’

I wouldn’t want him next or near my DD for all the reasons youve highlighted. I also wouldn’t want to be around him myself.

And to the poster who mentioned people should support his reintegration to society… seriously, cop the fuck on, he’s a paedophile and no child, including his own, should have to be around him.

You must have misread the OP.

She’s not talking about not inviting the child to her child party, she’s saying she doesn’t want the dad attending her child’s party and staying.

No, I would not be willing to accept him using his daughter as a proverbial human shield to gain access to children. It’s extremely unfortunate for his daughter, but being ‘kind’ to her is not worth the very real risk to your own children.

What if, in wanting to include his daughter, your children did come to harm? Would that be acceptable? Would you still think you did the right thing?

I'm sorry, but this is nonsense. You don't disregard a known risk because there could be an unknown one that's just as bad.

It's like saying there's no point looking before you cross the road because you might not see a car anyway, so you may as well just do it with your eyes shut and hope for the best.

I’d be doing everything in my power to avoid any possible contact between my child and this man, and I’d have serious concerns about the mother’s judgement. Why on earth should OP, her child and others feel like they need to play any part in his reintegration? Children are not support animals for perverted men FFS. I know women are conditioned to smooth things over, but suggesting OP should allow her child to be around a literal sex offender for the sake of a bit of social cohesion is insane.

Also how do you know other men are fine?

I'd put mummy and Adam on the invitation and if the pedo shows up then I'd send him away. No way would I allow him to attend my child's party. It's your job to protect your kids , clearly this mother is failing to protect hers but that's not your problem

Yes I agree with having the difficult conversation with the mum. Then no one is excluded. Perhaps she might distance herself from him with a better support network anyway.

At least you know about this one!

I don’t understand why people think it’s so unbelievably awful to say that this man can’t come to a party?it’s not saying the child can’t.