Child's friend parent on sexual offender register

Its not tricky at all - I would clearly tell the mum that her partner is a convicted sex offender and should not attend any event where children were. If she chooses to stay with him thats on her, but I wouldnt have my DC anywhere near him even if there is no chance they would ever be alone with him. If she doesnt like that, then thats on her.

I would specifically tell her that her child is invited to my DCs party but on no account is her partner allowed to attend and if he turns up I would be turning him away.

Is he even allowed any contact with children anyway? Have you checked with the police if he has any criteria attached to his registration that bans him from contact with under 16s? I would be checking that.

I also would be checking with the school about whether he is allowed in the classroom when they do 'work alongside your child days' etc as I wouldnt be happy about that either. Is he allowed to be a parent helper on a school trip etc? You may assume they already know but they might not - make sure you tell them

@AthWat

Yes! The mother is being completely cruel to her daughter by allowing him in their lives.

I couldn't stomach being in the same room as this man OP. Let alone my kids being near him.
How are you aware of his past?
I would have to say to the mother that I am fine with the friendships between the children and with her, but I can not be around him.
If he were my ex partner I would also be not going anywhere near him but i guess you cant do anything about the mothers choices

Wtf is wrong with the mum sticking to a man like that? Talk about pathetic or extremely low self esteem! Shocking.

I feel for you OP. I don't think you're overreacting at all, but I can see how hard it is for that poor child, not his fault daddy is a nonce. Have u spoken to any other parents about the situation of him still.being about? It's so weird.

I agree this one is tricky. I think the blunt message someone put earlier is a good one to acknowledge why you don't want him coming to your party.
I don't know whether your local police station is open and you are able to ask them for clarification about what sex offenders can be present for. You might be able to ask generally about this before naming names and being specific.

I also wanted to add, please be kind to the child. They may not know what exactly has happened at the moment as they are only young (though I am sure when they are older they will find out) and this could cause them a real conflict - to them this is their Dad regardless of the crime so please don't try to punish them because of his actions by avoiding them/encouraging your child to play with others.

I'd ostracise the family if the family kept including the dad. They would leave me no choice.

Why on earth would he bring his kid to other parties? By doing that, he's creating the problem for his child. Let the mother take her everywhere.

You, and so many others on this thread, are completely batshit.

He’s being monitored by SS and the police? Great, because they always get it right don’t they? 🤨

The fact is, a paedophile is untreatable. In the same way being gay, straight or bisexual is ‘untreatable’. It is a sexual orientation and preference for abusing children and they are ALWAYS a risk to children and society.

I wouldn’t want him on the doorstep of my house either and everyone in the locality should know to give this pervert a wide berth. If you want to call that judgemental vigilante style approach then fine. I wouldn’t want him call it keeping children and society safe.

And there is no such thing as ‘serving your time’ or having been punished enough for these types of people. Crimes against children are the most heinous crimes you can commit and you should pay dearly for the rest of your life for them by being ostracised from society as much as possible.

Bloody hell! reintegrated??? NO!

I think it's completely ok for you to invite the child but make it clear to the mum the dad is not allowed in your property.
That way it's on the mum of the child misses the party.

I wouldn’t want him to even walk up my garden path to drop off. No way. My child would never be around him not even at a party where I am supervising. It would make me feel sick for him to be able to even look my child up and down.

Nobody goes to that kid's parties while her father is in the house, surely. I can't see how that's at all controversial. The kid's mother should have the sense to either organise something where supervision is possible or make an excuse to her kid as to why she's not having a party.

She’s ostracizing the father not the family

You need to talk to your child about him. And the danger adults can pose to children in general.

4 years old is not too young for this conversation. It's needed and necessary now.

I would start talking about 'tricky adults'.
"Most grown ups are lovely people, kind and helpful. They are safe to be around. Some grown ups are tricky. They are not safe grown ups and we don't want to be near them. Tricky grown ups want to hurt children, even though they pretend to be nice to them at first."

You can give examples of tricky adult behaviour eg

" A tricky grown up might bring you lots of sweets or presents when it's not your birthday. They might do things or say things that make you feel scared or uncomfortable. Always trust how you feel. Or a tricky adult might ask you, a little kid, to help them. Safe grown ups don't ask children for help. Tricky grown ups might ask you to keep secrets from mummy and daddy. "

Then you directly tell your child

" Sally-Ann's dad is a tricky adult and we don't want you to talk to him. We need to keep you safe from him. We will never let you be alone with him. If you ever feel uncomfortable or not safe around him or anyone else, come tell mummy and daddy straight away. We will never be cross at you for telling us anything"

My view is that the child should be invited to all parties. The mother can attend.

the father cannot coming anywhere near your house

i would not talk or acknowledge him at any school or other events.

and as said I would contact the school to ask them their approach - acknowledging that they won’t be able to give you specific info about individuals

You need to go back and read the OP. At no point has she said the child wouldn't be invited to her child's party. She just doesn't want his sex offending paedophile father to be the one to bring him to the party.

@springisspringing1, you are obviously not unreasonable for not wanting a paedophile at a 5th birthday party.

Short of explaining to her child why he can never be in close contact with his friend's father the only safe thing is for him to never know him as a safe person.

The problem is then shit will really get awkward for this child when the whole school is talking about it.

Nothing is zero risk but for the sake of supporting a local child who is clearly in a hard position if this is how people feel about the dad..I would not ostracise the family.

No she doesn't.

It is not on the parents of his child's classmates to support anything for a man who has been convicted for indecent images of children and grooming a child.

OP, I'm not even a parent and this man would never be part of my social circle - not even on the periphery.

In what way is not having a sex offender in your house mob punishment.

i wouldn’t have a convicted adult rapist at a party either.

Because she's making it up as she goes along.

It’s mad, I wouldn’t trust anyone who has shown any sort of paedophilia around my child at any point. It’s not worth it. And the police are not good at dealing with people they know are paedophiles and rapists so I wouldn’t trust their monitoring to be enough. Lots of paedophiles abuse again even after jail time etc. You can never be relaxed enough to say ‘they’re being monitored so it’s okay’.

Bollocks - she’s stayed with him.

That is inaccurate.Shes increasing the risk dramatically by making him a known acquaintance of her child. Not inviting a pedophile to your doorstep is nothing like vigilante justice. Are people really this silly with their children?

Previous behavior is a perfectly good enough reason to disinvite an adult to any occasion. In fact, I suspect if you said you had a neighbour who got drunk and abusive had a previous party you'd be told to never let him and his family darken your doorway again.

But being an actual pedophiles seems to get him a pass on previous behavior.