Child's friend parent on sexual offender register

"Hysterical". DFOD.

It's been explained in words of one syllable by other posters the risk involved even in a supervised situation.

I hope you're taking note.

Thank you 👏👏👏

reading some of these responses I thought I was losing my mind - I would never in a million years let a man who had been caught for being a pedo anywhere near my child!

This is the normal reaction.

MN seems to attract the apologists when it comes to this subject. Wonder what it is about this site that attracts them?

Nobody is suggesting that the OP should ignore her perfectly sensible warning feelings about a potentially dangerous and predatory man.

Famlies of CSAM offenders are incredibly isolated and shamed in their communities and put in a very difficult position by these men and their offending. The mum may feel trapped, unable to leave, he may be abusive. you have no idea.

I would not want to further isolate this mum - particularly if her child is part of a small community. So I would tread warily and be vigilant but I would not personally be outwardly rude to this man or to anyone in the family.

Tens of thousands of convictions a year - they do get reported in the local press, if anyone bothers to read it. A proportion of those will have kids of the right age unfortunately. Did you think this was rare?

If this is common knowledge amongst this small community’s

I can’t believe any parent would be happy with this man remotely within the vicinity of their child

Yanbu op. If it's a drop and run party no issue but if parents still stay it's perfectly reasonable not to want him in your home or around your child. Unless someone is supervising him no one can guarantee he won't be alone with a child at any point.

There are some very odd responses here. Of course you’re not being unreasonable not to want a convicted child sex offender hanging out in your house for the afternoon. And I can’t imagine the other parents would be ok with it either. We’re not talking about vigilante justice here, just the logical consequences of having proven yourself to be a danger to children.

I’d still invite the child, OP, but ask mum to attend with them - “Hope you’re able to join us with Daisy, as in the circumstances we wouldn’t we able to welcome her father to the house”.

I’m amazed at his many people are so casually expecting you to in any way socialise with this man or allow him to come to your house. I would not have anything to do with him. Any fallout on his poor child is down to his actions and those of the mother. She needs a wake up call that the ‘community’ is not going up risk their children for the sake of reducing awkwardness around a few children’s parties.

Presumably your DH is on the same page as you Re this party?

@springisspringing1 you are not over reacting . I can’t believe the crazy comments telling you that you are. .
Honest truth what I would do … Tell the mum parent that you would like their child to come to
your child’s party but if she could be the one accompanying her child . I would say to her that I hope she understands . If pushed I’d say he ( the father ) is not welcome.
There is no way I’d be tip toeing around what the father has done .

you are saying it’s not uncommon for a community to be aware a parent is on the sexual offenders registry for grooming and there’s a 4th party coming up etc etc

I meant that doesn’t seem like it would be commonplace

This. I would be keeping a distance from the whole family. I feel sorry for her child but child on child abuse would also be a concern.

If only it was outing, there are tens of thousands of convictions a year for these crimes. It’s incredibly common.

Quiet words, polite notes, careful whispers…maybe I’m some sort of psycho mother but neither of them would be getting that from me.

Wouldn't it be lovely if this sort of situation were so uncommon that there would be the smallest risk of its being outing?

I totally get your concern here.

The risk isn’t solely at your house, at the party. The risk is in your child spending time with this man and believing him to be safe because he has spent time around him with his family. So that if in 2 years he is at a party unsupervised, in 4 years in the park by himself, in 5 years walking home from school at home. The risk is that he assesses this man as a safe adult and get into his car.

I would message the mum and just be really honest, I think that she’ll appreciate you being open much more than you trying to work round it.

Its Fred’s party in a few weeks and he really wants to invite George so he’s bringing an invitation into school for him on Tuesday. They’re at that difficult age now where it’s hard to know whether we should do parents stay or drop and run so I wanted to let you know that I’m happy either way. I know this is super awkward but please could you ask Dad not to attend? Thanks

That's what happened in the case that I mentioned above. The victim who was brave enough to come forward when the perpetrator was in his 60s was an adolescent neighbour when she was attacked. She'd been sent to pick up something that he was loaning her parent.

He raped her.

After he was imprisoned, other victims came forward. No names were mentioned in the newspapers, of course, but those who came forward last were clearly people who had lived in his household. A baby was listed as a victim.

Keep your boundaries, OP.

Just say that the father is not allowed to bring the child and nor be present at birthday parties or other gatherings with your child present, if the other mother and the father agrees to this and also allows you to stay and observe, there us no reason to punish the child.

You don't have to cause emotional harm to a child who is innocent in this to protect your daughter.

I’d invite the child but make it strictly known that it has to be the mum that brings the child if not the child won’t be allowed in. I’m surprised socials aren’t involved with that family . Knocks me sick

Out of interest, how were you made aware?

Nah I'd be quite open about it. Treat the kid as normal but say "due to your DCs dad being a convicted paedophile he isn't welcome at my DCs party even simply to drop off. Please do drop off yourself or arrange a suitable alternative. Thanks, looking forward to seeing DC."

"Hi Mother, thanks for the invite to your DCs party. Could I just ask if dad will be present at the party?"
"Yes."
"Ok unfortunately we won't be able to attend due to not feeling comfortable having my children around him as he's a convicted paedophile. Hope DC has a great time though."

I wouldn’t want to be near the mother either tbh

someone like this displays a truly appalling judgement of character

As a children’s nurse I’ve frequently been gobsmacked by the amount of parents on the sex offender’s register. At one point there were 3 fathers on the 50 bedded ward I was working on. I kept reminding other parents to to supervise their children at all times and I think they thought I was just being bossy as obviously they had no idea. It made me think that’s 3 that we know about. You know about this man so you will be extra careful but you just have to be careful of everyone as normal. Better the devil you know. Sorry if that’s negative but that really made me think how prolific it is

You know what, it actually helps me understand how so many people are actually incredibly soft on sex offenders. It’s terrifying.

The amount of posters early on essentially saying that it’s unfair on his kid not
to allow Paedodad at a party - wow.