Child's friend parent on sexual offender register

I’m so sorry that happened to you, it’s awful and so so unfair.

Current thinking is that it’s a risk to position a known sex offender as a safe adult by accepting them in social situations, because the child cannot know they are unsafe adults outside of those social situations.

If the child meets them outside of a fully supervised situation, or when they are with someone who isn’t aware of the sex offenders identity (another mum for example) then they will respond to the sex offender as a safe adult.

That is a real risk in this situation that can be minimised by not positioning him as a safe adult who attends kids parties.

I AM A FUCKING VICTIM!! I have been sexually abused as a child. I know fucking well what I’m talking about and I CERTAINLY NOT NAIVE

What are you even saying?!

If he brings the child to the party, of course there is a chance he can access a child.

Would you have really risked your own child like this?

Except that paedophiles have admitted that watching children in social situations is how they know how to groom. And as another poster pointed out, by him being there tells children he is a person of trust. He becomes just ‘X’s daddy’ and that is how paedophiles gain children’s trust. So yes, his attendance at a children’s party IS dangerous.

Have you ever been sexually abused as a child? Because I have. So calling me naive is ridiculous. I know first hand how grooming works and it’s not at children’s parties when their parents are watching him like a hawk

“Poor woman” ?

not in my eyes

ignorant, oblivious, self-absorbed, selfish, thoughtless

Surprised you don't think there's any value in social shunning of someone known to be convicted of this crime.

It’s a situation of her own doing by standing by her husband.

as someone who’s partner turned out to be a paedo I cannot fathom anyone staying with someone like that and I have almost as much disdain for them as I do the paedo because, IMO, it condones it. Personally when I found out I kicked him out immediately and within 6 hours had removed all traces of him from my house. Within 12 hours I’d helped ensure he was arrested. They do no deserve to breathe the same air as us. And before some idiot pipes up and says it was only looking at pictures…. NO. Each one of those pictures is a victim. It’s a stepping stone and I would not have that man near the party (or the mum tbh). If arrange to pick the child up and take them back and take personal responsibility for them instead. Because it isn’t the kids fault and I’d want the kid to know there are adults they can trust when/if something happens at home.

just have to remember Vanessa George

She isn’t saying the child can’t come, just that the dad can’t bring him because he is a sex offender

What worries me is the support he appears to be getting from his partner to “reintegrate”, but perhaps this will only be an issue for your family as the children get older and grow closer, or not, as the case maybe. His crime is one thing but him having an adult who has a young child of their own supporting him and potentially making light of the situation (appreciate you’re uncertain about this) is alarming. I guess what I’m trying to say is you can’t trust the mother either. Sorry, I’m being no help at all.

I would question the mothers sanity and judgement if she is trying to continue as if nothing happened.
It's not normal offence, and they can't assume that community want to go alonb and rehabilitate him. Certainly nit at children's birthdays.

Also for people saying that he can’t “do” anything at the party as he’s supervised - it’s besides the point . He can think disgusting things for a start.

But the most concerning thing is that this man groomed a young girl and by having him present at parties you are making him look like a “safe” person to those children.

^ agree. Bluntly tell the mum you don’t want him around your DC

Frankly if he is on the sex offenders register I’d expect he has restrictions on being around kids anyway

Make your limits clear to the mum
if he turns up anyway, tell him to stay away

YANBU

I would be exactly the same .

I wouldn’t allow him anywhere near my children and also would certainly not allow him the opportunity to be in a room full of children.

It is a crying shame for the child , I will not argue that.

But maybe if the Mum didn’t keep the man around and allow him to be present at parties that include rooms full of children then he wouldn’t be excluded .

You are unspeakably naive. The last thread I read on this topic on here had some truly eye-opening accounts from victims - including one who had been touched in front of her parents, who had no idea what had happened.

You’d take her word for it? Why give a first chance when it comes to the safety of your own child? I’m baffled. How on earth is it worth the risk of doing so?

Completely agree with this. It's very sad for the child if they become isolated, but that is not the fault of the parents trying to keep their own children safe, it's the fault of their disgusting father and stupid mother.

I’d be horrified if I found out you’d invited a convicted sex offender to a party my child was at.

@Gymmum82

Can you see that even if always supervised, someone being positioned as a trusted adult is a risk when you know them to be a paedophile? If your child has met someone’s dad at parties etc then if they then come across them in other situations, they are likely to think of them as a ‘safe’ adult which means they are then vulnerable to being approached / groomed. A way to minimise that risk is to not allow known sex offenders to be in situations where they are being positioned as safe adults to the children present.

Well, I wouldn't be happy putting a child in the presence of a known paedophile, knowing that they could be wanking off to the memory of that child later that day. It seems that a surprising number of people on this thread would be ok with this.

This is SUCH an important point I hadn’t even considered. The message it sends to your child.

I wouldn’t want my child to have any contact with him. If he is in your environment he becomes a person of trust. And I wouldn’t want that.

I agree with you.
If I knew someone who was on the SA reg I wouldn’t invite their child and wouldn’t take my child to their party.
Sorry if said child misses out but that’s for the parents to deal with. The dad did it so he has to deal with the consequences.