Child's friend parent on sexual offender register

I'll just add that when you have someone in your home, you're sending the message to all there that this is a socially acceptable person. There are so many repercussions.

Oh get real, he will be at a party ( if he is even there) and there will be other adults around as well, some of whom will be aware of his past

I don’t know the law/system around this at all but isn’t there restricted from being around children, including attending children's parties if you are on the sex offenders register? Is there someone at the school who could advise on this? Surely it’s not the first time the school will have come across this and should be able to provide some tips?

In that case I genuinely don't understand your problem?

It's not 'tricky' at all to say that his son is invited to a party but his dad is not welcome for obvious reasons 🤷‍♂️

Either his mum accompanies him or he doesn't go but at least you would've invited him.

I am amazed at the number of posters who allegedly would be comfortable hosting a predatory paedophile at their preschooler's party.

OP, of course invite the child. But when you get the confirmation just say "just want to let you know that <pedoDad> will not be able to come in so suggest <apologistmum> or someone else brings child. Thanks!"

I’m sorry for what you have been through. Unfortunately it is something a lot of us have been through and the best way to stop it is to understand how to prevent it.

If you research how paedophiles operate then children’s parties are the perfect place to start grooming. He shouldn’t be allowed to have interactions with children at all, that is how it starts.

I hope you have support for what you’ve been through.

I am sorry for what happened to you. Sadly, considerable experience (personal and professional) tells me that the ways in which paedophiles groom children are many and varied and that children can and have been, abused and groomed for future abuse at birthday parties. No parent, however vigilant, can watch their child every second especially in a somewhat unpredictable situation like a party where there is a lot going on. I've been to some pretty chaotic whole class parties and depending on the nature of the venue and activity, it can he challenging to keep a close eye on your own child at all times. The risk may be small due to the level of adult supervision, but the risk is never zero. Parents need to decide for themselves the level of risk they personally consider acceptable.

I'm very sorry for your experiences.

Something useful to consider is that if this particular abuser is allowed to the party and later uses that to nefariously gain the trust of a child or their parent, then that risks a horrific situation that may affect that chlld forever. If he isn't allowed to go to the party, then he and/or mum might be mildly irritated for an afternoon. If we compare the two possible worst case outcomes, then it may be clearer why people take the position that him not attending is best.

I am very sorry this happened to you. It is absolutely terrible and precisely what most parents seek to protect their children from.

However, the way you were abused is not the only way children are abused and it has been explained to you repeatedly why having him at a party is an immediate danger (i.e. victims have explained that they were touched essentially in front of their parents without anyone realising) and with a longer term view (psychologically positioning him as just another familiar adult).

I'm afraid that your position on this is very naive and, particularly if all you say is true, I implore you to listen to other posters and protect your or other people's children better and to stop shaming parents who are taking steps to do just that.

Calling them "hysterical" for taking sensible, robust steps to keep their children wholly separated from a known paedophile is absolutely beyond the pale.

@Gymmum82

so in the OP’s position, can you clarify what you would do?

and whether your partner would be fully on board with it?

It's not just him "trying anything" that's the problem though, is it?!
As people have already brought up on the thread they wouldn't want their child to think little Johnny's Dad is a safe adult like they grow up thinking and being around other adults.
It's a good point. When they're older and accepting lifts of their mates parents for example, you can't police as strictly then.
Best off not having him around at all.
That's how grooming becomes a thing.

Stupid comparison to suggest that a stranger in the street is on par with this creature.

Yes there is a possibility that anyone could be one, but in this case the OP knows that this guy is. So why take the risk?

It’s not about policing people’s thoughts, it’s about not opening a window of opportunity to some local creep.

I would never EVER raise the risk of my child being groomed or abused. That affects you for the rest of your life.

This man is a known danger. Something could happen at the party, or afterwards, but this is how it works with these dynamics - the boundaries get pushed and pushed. So it's 'just a birthday party, nothing can happen,' then it's more and more and you feel too confused/uncomfortable to say no, or something happens under your nose and it's too late.

This man is not a friend or a safe person. That means no having him in the house or interacting with him. Grooming is all about gaining trust - don't give an inch.

Oh god I wouldn’t want that man anywhere near me. I would prioritise your gut feeling and preferences over the other child’s wellbeing - not your problem. I would want to distance myself from the whole family as much as possible. No it’s not the mum or child’s fault but I would just feel sick 🤮 even him just dropping the child off and me potentially seeing him would make me so sick and angry it would ruin the day for me

This! To all those saying the father poses no threat as he is being monitored - you clearly have never been through anything like this. There is no monitoring in my experience. A bit of box ticking - that's it.

To think a sex offender ‘wouldn’t try anything’ as they’ve already been prosecuted is staggeringly naive. Worryingly so, if you’re in a position of parental responsibility and therefore safeguarding a young person.

Then I think you're going to have to tell the mum that he's never welcome at your house under any circumstances. It will be a difficult conversation but given you've got years of this ahead in a small community I think just shrugging it off and hoping for the best is not a good idea. Good luck.

It's a situation of her own making. As you mentioned earlier, I find it hard to believe she is still with him.

YANBU OP. I couldn’t support a sex offender, especially a child one.
does he not have conditions on this kind of thing, like not allowed within certain distance of children’s play areas etc??

I don’t think it’s fair to punish the child but don’t be in a situation where your child is ever unsupervised around this man and I wouldn’t want him in my house either.

YANBU - I wouldn’t want a convicted pedophile anywhere near my children or others that I’m caring for.

This 100%
Given you know this man is a paedophile; you have a moral duty to ensure he doesn’t interact with other people’s children or be seen as a safe adult by them.

Yes, I would take her word for it if she said he wasn’t going to be there and even if he was there I doubt very much he would be trying anything given his partner / ex partner is aware of his history together with fact that he has already been prosecuted for previous behaviour

To what age would you suggest parents supervise their kids "properly", by which I can only assume you mean they are not allowed to have any unsupervised conversations or interactions with any adult? I don't see how this is practical while allowing for social development.

Edited because I see a pp has already called you naive and I don't want to participate in a pile on

And yet it does happen at parties. [Edited sentence for sense.]

Someone at a family party is seen as a safe person.

I was also groomed as a child. In my case, it was a neighbour's teenage son. I was 7.