Child's friend parent on sexual offender register

OMG THIS ⬆️ X 10000000000! Thank you for summing up the issue beautifully

I'm not suggesting that they are all of this ilk. Some are probably convinced of their own position, albeit I couldn't disagree more strongly and believe those people to be profoundly wrong.

Others are - what's the most diplomatic way of putting this? - 'mischievous' posters. I recognise certain names that have made a beeline for this kind of controversial thread before, and responded in a precisely similar vein. I don't know what they are hoping to gain from this, but I shan't be providing it by interacting with them in any way.

Watch the site for long enough, and you see it.

The amount of people supporting the Paedo, is quite shocking to me!

If your child sees him integrating with everyone else they'll think he's OK and a safe person. What happens later on if they come across him and still think he's safe. These ' people' never change and his wife is an enabler getting him near to potential future victims. Keep him and the wife well away from your child. She's questionable to allow him near any child.

OP- I think you are absolutely right about being worried. Don’t go to these peoples homes and don’t invite them to your house- not worth the risk. Check with the police whether he is even allowed to be around children. Unfortunately, some women love protecting their pedo partners/husbands so she might be withholding information about this.

How have you established that he’s zero risk? If he’s zero risk then why is he on the register?

AIBU is, I suppose, to make it clear I don't want him to bring their child to my child's party? (I will just make an excuse for their party). Also - is this unfair on my child's friend (who is obviously only 4 too)

Your top priority is your child and their safety, not someone else's. You cannot take their childhood upon your own shoulders, at the possible cost or risk of your own child.

I'm afraid this involves the risk of being seen as disagreeable by some people, but you cannot let your life be dictated by that.

Exactly

neither myself and certainly not my child would have anything to do with the father, the mother AND the child outside of school.

I wouldn't want the man anywhere near my child either but I also wouldn't exclude the child. I would make it clear that the child can only come if the dad doesn't. The mum needs a wake-up call.

To be honest anyone who welcomed a sex offender back into their life, and their children’s lives, isn’t welcome in my “circle” anyway.

He will know your child from a very young age in ten years time he will be a familiar face "need a lift" "need a hand" "fancy a drink/smoke" "don't worry I won't tell your mom" "our little secret" she will be right in his target range

I personally know of a man who used his daughter as bait for her friends he was given guidelines for being in the community one was he needed to tell the police if he got a car he didn't and got caught with a 15 year old in there got another suspended sentence then his "friend" turned 16 and the police washed their hands of it

Quite. I can protect my own child. I can't protect other people's, nor override the decision of this poor boy's own mother to expose him - and by proxy the children around him - to a convicted sex offender. No matter that he is the child's father.

The accusations that such a stance is mean to the child, or taking our 'responsibilities' to other people's children less seriously, are asinine and some are very probably not made in good faith.

As for the other suggestions of 'vigilantism', these people need to tone down the histrionics. What posters are advocating here is vigilence and a caution to OP to keep her child protected and away from a known sex offender. They're not suggesting that all the local parents rock up on his doorstep with pitch forks.

I know right???
I have doubts of the mother being wholly innocent if she is trying to carry on as if nothing has happened

Fuck that’s terrifying. This is the problem, they’re so good at grooming everyone, not just children, that this can be the result. You just can’t ever be too careful. How horrific.

But the dad does not need to attend does he.
I would personally distance myself from the mother too as much as possible

I haven’t read through the whole thread but I’m surprised by all of the “YABU, his Dad won’t even talk to your child” comments

Would I fuck be letting a convicted paedophile come to my child’s birthday party.
I would be happy to invite the child as they’re only little and it isn’t their fault but their invitation would be hand delivered to the mother with specific instructions of “father of X is not to attend the party”. I’d be absolutely confident in standing my ground on that if questioned by the mother or anybody else in the community.

I doubt very much that the nonce dad would be allowed, as part of his sex offender register conditions to drop his son off at the party.
The mum probably has an agreement with S.S that dad must be constantly supervised around his son.

I don't understand how the mum has stuck by nonce dad.

There are some crimes where you can presume the possibility of rehabilitation and no further offending. The ones that this man was convicted of are not those, you have to presume he will reoffend given the opportunity and keep your child safe.

I agree with the person who said the police should be contacted, given the possibility he may come to children's parties. If another parent saw him there, that parent might take the law into their own hands, and no child should have to witness violence.

I know someone who got to know a schoolfriend’s father like this, minimally, through parties and school events. When she was 13 she bumped into him and he offered her a lift home, which she accepted because he was Louise from primary school’s dad and therefore safe. Instead he drove her to an empty house and held her there for hours.

I feel like I’ve stepped into a parallel universe here.

Why is anyone even entertaining their kid being around a sex offender, for any length of time.

I think there is only one way to handle it and that is to be direct with the mother. The sooner she realises that multiple people feel this way and ends the attempt to reintegrate this man, the better. Her child can be included as they deserve if she handles this right, but if she insists on sending a registered sex offender to kids parties then it will be on her.

Be cautious about labelling other people safe in comparison, you never know,

so you would go to the party
stay at the party if he’s there
and then when you leave contact the police?

You’re joking??! As if these people can be rehabilitated!
Sorry OP I wouldn’t even allow the mother at my door. I can’t get my head around women who entertain these perverts they sicken me.
Pp saying she might be staying with him to keep her kid safe seriously! Staying with a pervert does not keep a kid safe ffs far from it, and it’s obviously not the reason this woman is still with him.

I think you have to make it clear to the mum that the dad can’t come to your house except to drop off at a party (but not stay). No playdates at their house (always host), and if party invite your child can go if he’s not present and mum confirms in advance. Grooming, predatory behaviour…all real risks I’m afraid.

It's horrifying and is making me question how I think about play dates etc.

I wouldn't be letting a paedophile near anyone's child, not just my own. The whole "well keep an eye on your child" attitude stinks. What are you going to do when he uses the toilet? Round up all the kids and make sure none are in their with him? Or is it fine as long as it isn't your own DC?