Child's friend parent on sexual offender register

Would you really be happy walking your child into the house of a paedophile, and the woman who is supporting him, just so she can have some cake and a bit of a play?

If you know that this one is on the register though, why would you willingly take your child into a situation that they might be there?
You can't stay away from everyone "just in case" as that would be overly anxious and not healthy, but in this case when you know he is, why would you not eliminate the risk?

With all due respect, which is more than you are showing the OP by labelling her "hysterical" you cannot possibly state with truth this man could not have any contact with OP's or any other child in a busy social setting like a party for a whole bunch of 4 yr olds - he could well be sexually stimulated simply being there! Of course adults don't engage 4 year olds in deep conversation but initiating contact with the OP's child by waving, smiling, winking, combining her child with something his own child is doing, are all ploys to start connecting with a child, build a level of trust and familiarity that will be worked on - paedophiles are adept at playing the long game.

OP I'm with you, and I would go so far as to say he is not welcome to my house in any way, shape or form and you expect a guarantee that he will not be present when there is a gathering of children at his own house. Indeed, as another poster has said this may well be a term of probation/license etc. although how you check that I'm afraid I don't know.

Realistically, if he was convicted and on the offenders register then he will have stipulations that he has to agree with including no unsupervised contact with children and excluding himself from any situations like children’s parties etc. In all honestly he would be putting himself in a stupid situation if he was to attend and get himself into further trouble.

I can totally see why you wouldn’t want a sex offender near your child. Under no circumstances would I want someone like that to be a familiar face.

if your child is playing in the park, he is no longer a stranger, If he said “Oh you know me I’m X’s dad I’ve dropped her at your house, you’ve seen me speaking to your mummy, would you like an ice cream”

No no no. I also wouldn’t trust the mum round my child, wanting to reintegrate someone who gets off looking sexual pictures of young kids and grooming them.

it’s up to the child’s mother to make sure she doesn’t suffer because of her Dad - not your problem. She clearly doesn’t give a shit! Have nothing to do with the family

I mean good point

At that age you stay at a party with your child, just take them, keep a close eye on your child, it’s not an ideal situation but that poor child is going to be really messed up if everyone treats them like a lepar because they’re dads a nonce, like someone else said at least this one is a wolf in wolf’s clothing, there will be so many more disgusting as good people, that’s the real worry

Your child needs to be the priority here and I wouldn't want them anywhere near the family, especially as it seems the mother has stayed close to him despite the fact that he's a child sex offender.

I wouldn't invite the child to my child's parties and I would decline any invites to the child's parties.

I would be as blunt. Poor woman, well only if she kicked him out. If they're still a couple that's not great.

That’s appalling and I’d venture outwith their powers. Since when do the police make sure everyone is being given a fair chance to rehabilitate?! Armed they driving people to speed awareness courses and diffusing arguments with people on anger management?

Did they imply you might be charged with something if you continued? If so, what crime would you be committing by making public knowledge public?

This is what I would do. I'd be completely clear to the mother that you don't want to exclude her child but you will not tolerate the child's father coming to your house or interacting with your child. Yes, it's difficult for her but she has a choice to make here too - standing by him will have repercussions for the whole family.

This is my exact feeling. My stbxh did similar and he was gone from my life immediately. However, it's not always so simple to remove them from their kids lives. So the child's mother might be trying her best to navigate a horrific situation where she can't refuse to coparent and is trying to make the best of it.

My main concern when things happened was the impact on my child and I had the means to move him far away from his dad - she may not have had the same means and living in a small community I can see why she'd want him reintegrated for her own child's sake because of the stigma. I would also say that a huge amount of the online supports available to partners who's spouse has done this is heavily weighted towards them staying in the relationship. And from personal experience I lost just as much by leaving as I would have by staying. Its a horrific situation for the family who have done nothing wrong.

So I wouldn't want him around my kid, but I also wouldn't want to exclude a 4yo. I would invite her but I'd actually try to be direct and say that her and her child - just the two of them- are very welcome.

The child’s mother needs to put the child’s needs first. By inviting the sex offender to a party, she is putting his needs first. Is there anyway you can find out whether he is allowed to be in a room full of children? I wouldn’t take my child unless he wasn’t there.

From a professional background as someone who works closely with registered sex offenders, he should be going through a safeguarding process/assessment to have contact with his own child. If you believe he is coming into contact with other children then this also needs to be risk assessed by social care. If you are concerned I would encourage you to contact your safeguarding lead at the school.

YNBU I think it is best to limit all contact, even with the child. Speaking from personal experience it is horrible to think of but entirely possible the dads own child has been sexually abused or introduced to sexual themes by the dad, given what has happened. That child could therefore, through no fault of their own, repeat those actions on your child through play. I just wouldn't risk any contact or even play dates or sleepovers between kids even with the child at yours. You can't ever protect your children against all risks of course but in this scenario you can because you're aware of the risk of the dad. Don't listen to other people who seem to think the other parent and child's feelings are more important than the safety of your child and own peace of mind.

Me too.

Not my problem.

YANBU, I'm absolutely appalled and disgusted. The mother is letting down this child not you. I would be making it clear that he wasn't to be near my house under any circumstances and if that is a problem then child cannot attend party.

I would unlikely attend the child's party if the father is there. Like the others have said it's making him an accepted and safe figure. He's a dangerous predator and that shouldn't be forgotten. Being on a list is meaningless it's up to us to protect our children and unfortunately the only way is by being vocal and not passive on this!

There are some wild responses on here.

He wouldn't be coming anywhere near my child. I wouldn't be inviting the mother either, who is actively supporting a child molester.

It's not the same as children interacting with other men. You're obviously cautious there, but this man is a known offender. Once you have offended once, you're more likely to do it again.

It takes SECONDS for a back to be turned and someone to put their hand underneath a child's clothes. All it takes is someone being slightly distracted at a party. I don't know why anyone would invite a known paedo. I couldn't even bring myself to talk to him.

I feel sorry for the child, but your priority is to safeguard your own child.

Sounds like you are worrying about a party which hasn't happened. Just speak to the mum in advance

I’m late to this and haven’t read the whole thread but wanted to say (because it blows my mind that so many PPs have said the opposite).

Of course it’s ok not to invite a paedophile to your child’s 5th birthday party, I can’t believe anyone would say otherwise.

I think it’s a big red flag that he and the wife do not have the insight to realise that he should be well away from any interactions with children. To be honest I wouldn’t want either of them near my kid.

OP YANBU at all!! Some of the replies on here are insane. There is no world in which I would have a convicted child abuser at a children's party or anywhere near my children or others in my care.

I am not a vigilante and know that people need to be reintegrated into society at some point but I am firm in my belief that I don't think child or sexual offenders can be rehabilitated, they are a danger for life and should be treated as such.

I've been quite horrified by some of the responses on here and on other threads where the question of letting convicted paedophiles have contact with children is concerned.

If someone is a paedophile they are sexually attracted to children and in this case he has actually been convicted. There is no way I would have someone like this anywhere near my child.

Paedophilia is not like burglary. Someone who has been convicted is not suddenly going to stop being attracted to children and the fact that he has been caught is likely to make him more devious in the ways he interacts with them going forward.

There is no need to punish the child. All that needs to happen is that if there are any parties then this man is not allowed anywhere near them.

Those who have faith in the monitoring of this man and that he is being closely supervised are sadly very deluded.

I agree OP, that's exactly what a child abusers does. They groom not only the cild(ren) and often from a young age before they abuse - AND the parents and adults too, charming them as well.

It's not an overreaction and I would just not go to their party or invite the child to mine. I'm sorry for that man's child but their father fucked their life up, not me/OP.

This is sensible.

Then his/ her mum could try to explain that he did a bad thing but she has chose to maintain a close relationship with him/ stay with him, and that is why. It might be less of a contentious issue if she had left him.