To stop paying extras for SC because their mum is being horrid?

Because it's not pleasant to have these things said from a child when it's come from their bitter resentful mum.
Not everyone is a 'fuck it couldn't care less' type of person

Hi OP, might it be a good idea to give the older SC a phone? So if SC Mum tries to stop contact you can call them directly?

Why the hatred for a step mum paying for things for her step children? I don’t get it.

Assuming you have a good relationship with their dad keep doing what you’re doing. Forget about receipts! Believe me the SC will realise when they are older.

Try and switch off the noise from the ex wife. She will never change so all you can do is change how you react.

Dont even enter into these conversations with the children, protect them at all costs. They will remember when they are older and wiser that you were kind and did not slag off their mother even when you had every right to!

Good luck x

I can't blame you OP for wanting to stop paying for the extras.
Someone mentioned that they got a solicitor to send a letter to their ex to stop the lies/alienating the children perhaps it's something that you should consider if the vitriol continues.

You sound patronising

I agree, @DearDenimEagle, I’d be immensely grateful if someone other than myself and my children’s father paid for their activities.

Most parents pay for their children’s activities themselves (unless the children happen to have generous grandparents, for example). The OP is being very kind and generous.

So nasty and jealous she is spending thousands of pounds of her hard earned wages for her step children's activities and intends to continue. What the fuck does that make the mum who spends her money on herself and her childfree holidays rather than on the children she birthed? The mum who, when she does get around to buying something for her children, sends the OP a fucking invoice.

The parents certainly should be grateful. There’s no way the mother should be biting the hand that looks after her kids. Someone should be having a word

It isn’t your job to pay for anything at all.

stop doing it, let the child’s father pay for his child.

Are you actually serious??

you’re the ex wife right?!

😂😂😂

No honestly. You need to find a proper balance but it is hard coz literally they aren’t your children…

you should if not already, « separate » what is given to the step children so you aren’t’ participating in it at all…maybe your hubby will want to pay less activities then?

also…you don’t want to be the reason why the children has less but if yours suffers from the difference then all hell out and get back what is yours ;) sm can work ;)

Point 1: She’s abusing the children by slagging their father and you off in front of them, and not sticking to agreed times for contact. That is looked on very negatively by the courts and is grounds for her losing her time with them. Keep a contemporaneous diary of all such activity, together with any independent evidence (e.g, screenshots etc).

Point 2: the CMS amount is intended to include all activities and uniform it is not in addition to. I would assume she profits out of them, and spends the money on herself. In any case with the new child the amount will go down. Use that as an opportunity to reset to the new minimum. And if she complains tell her to cutm8ne fo her holidays out.

the SC are unfortunate to have such an immature mother - no need to make it worse by dragging yourself to her level.
If changes come around the same time as the new sibling, she's likely to associate it with new sibling?

You shouldn’t be taking care of dsc, you sound nasty and jealous…

Sounds awful OP. I'm sure once she realises she's been blocked you'll get issues, but you sound like you've had enough of her piss taking attitude and I don't blame you.

The ex emails the Op directly asking for the money and then she sends it ….. on top of all the clubs etc that the mum takes credit for? Come on.

She’s not paying for EVERYTHING at all.

Sounds like there's trouble in her Paradise and she's taking it out on you. I wouldn't be paying anything. You are very altruistic to do so and a better person than me.x

Have you even read the thread???? You’re just being ridiculous. The OP is literally paying for EVERYTHING for kids that are not HERS. There is nothing ‘poor souls’ about this that is remotely the OPs problem. Their mum however, she’s the one with the problem.

As OP pays for their expensive hobbies out of her own money and will continue to do this, your mean judgement couldn't be more misplaced.

Only advice I can give is be the bigger person. You can't control what their mother says but you can stop yourself reacting to it. Be lighthearted when they parrot something she has said - divert the conversation or gently give your point of view if relevant. She's abusing her own children by her behaviours in maligning you and your husband. One day they'll hopefully see that if you continue to behave well and don't stoop to her level.

General rule of thumb: don't pay for anything for SKs that you wouldn't be happy to continue paying for, or their parents wouldn't be able to afford to continue, if your relationship with their parent ended. Start gradually withdrawing your regular financial support until it reaches the acceptable level, & that level is £0. No reason why you can't treat them (e.g. give them a year's music lessons for their birthday, because that IS a gift from you & they should know that) or help out occasionally, but your money shouldn't be relied upon or taken for granted by cuckoos.

Try reading the OP and updates properly. If OP only wanted to support her own baby she wouldn’t be paying out thousands for music lessons and sports coaching for the DC if she didn’t have to. You’ve completely twisted OP’s situation to paint her as the wicked stepmother, when the exact opposite is true.

You only have them 2 days a week, so your husband should be paying for those things. It's neither here nor there how much money they have, the sc are your husband's kids so he should pay for them

In any case why is this not your husband problem to solve?

I feel sorry for these children, stuck in the middle olf these petty squabbling adults. I guess their just an inconvenience to both you and your husbands ex who only want to support your new babies.

OP l think at some point l would have to tell the kids that the extras they enjoy are paid for by you, and that if the insulting comments don’t stop, these activities will. Anything else is rewarding the behaviour. You need to demonstrate that where these privileges are concerned, it’s you who is in complete control of whether or not they continue, not their mother.