Page 2 | Male School staff inappropriate behaviour towards DD

heatherwithapee · 2025-04-24T07:58:38+00:00

DD is 14 (year 10). It has come to light that over the last few weeks a support worker at school (who she has been having one-to-one sessions with) has started behaving ‘weirdly’ towards her (her words). She’s disclosed that he’s asked for her phone number, suggested they meet outside of school, asked to see photos of her doing her hobby, told her she’s ’his favourite pupil’ etc. It’s been reported to school but realistically what can I expect to happen next? I understand that it’s her word against his (of course I believe her but appreciate that the school need to look after their staff especially when evidence may be difficult to obtain) but what’s the deal with safeguarding? She’s very worried about seeing him around school now that she’s reported him. AIBU to think that he should be suspended pending investigation?

GrammarTeacher · 29/04/2025 12:25

heatherwithapee · 29/04/2025 11:57

Just to clarify. No, my DD’s story has not changed. She is still saying that when they were working one to one, he (on separate occasions) asked first for her phone number and then also asked her if she’d like to meet outside of school.

When he was questioned by the school about this, he admitted to asking for her number and suggesting meeting up but said it was in the context of approaching her and her friends when they were talking about a hobby they’d done at the weekend where he ‘jokingly’ asked for her number so he could come with them next time as it sounded fun. DD is adamant that this did not happen.

I’m not going to comment on whether I believe your daughter or not as it’s unnecessary.
He has admitted to something hideously inappropriate whucg he shouldn’t have done. At the very least he shouldnt be working with your daughter and needs retraining.
And that is the least that should happen.
Well done for reporting and supporting.

bigboykitty · 29/04/2025 12:24

Octavia64 · 24/04/2025 09:03

They will investigate.

they’ll probably move her to a new support worker immediately.

no they won’t suspend for this.

i understand that your daughter is upset and this behaviour is inappropriate but you might be surprised how many teenagers complain about the behaviour of adults in school - teachers would be being suspended left right and centre if this were the case.

Very gung-ho attitude. If it's as OP's DD describes, he's breached all reasonable Safeguarding boundaries and should be suspended pending investigation. It's potential a disciplinary matter and could be gross misconduct.

LyndzB · 29/04/2025 12:21

Huge well done to your daughter for reporting, not easy to do.

Original poster

heatherwithapee · 29/04/2025 11:57

Just to clarify. No, my DD’s story has not changed. She is still saying that when they were working one to one, he (on separate occasions) asked first for her phone number and then also asked her if she’d like to meet outside of school.

When he was questioned by the school about this, he admitted to asking for her number and suggesting meeting up but said it was in the context of approaching her and her friends when they were talking about a hobby they’d done at the weekend where he ‘jokingly’ asked for her number so he could come with them next time as it sounded fun. DD is adamant that this did not happen.

OP posts:

1SillySossij · 29/04/2025 11:37

The support workers comment wain ill-advised, although I am imagining it more in the 'will you take me in your suitcase?' comment people say when someone tells them they are going on a nice holiday. It is a foolish thing to say, but a million miles away from the scenario in the op.
I am guessing the dd's story changed which identified her version as lacking credibility?
Also, what is the nature of this man's role? I work in a primary school and the therapist for example insists on confidentiality firthe student and would not work where the conversation can be overheard.

1SillySossij · 29/04/2025 11:37

The support workers comment wain ill-advised, although I am imagining it more in the 'will you take me in your suitcase?' comment people say when someone tells them they are going on a nice holiday. It is a foolish thing to say, but a million miles away from the scenario in the op.
I am guessing the dd's story changed which identified her version as lacking credibility?
Also, what is the nature of this man's role? I work in a primary school and the therapist for example insists on confidentiality firthe student and would not work where the conversation can be overheard.

BillyBoe46 · 29/04/2025 10:24

heatherwithapee · 29/04/2025 08:51

Thanks all for your advice. I’ve had a meeting at school last week. Unsurprisingly, the school are believing the member of staff. He has said that my daughter took what he said out of context and that apparently when she was with friends talking about what they’d done at the weekend, he joined in with “oh that sounds great fun - perhaps you should give me your number and I’ll come along next time”. DD is adamant that it’s a different story - that separately he asked her for her phone number and on another occasion asked her if she’d like to meet outside of school. On both occasions, she was alone having a one to one session with him, and was not with friends.
I’m not happy. Whilst I believe what DD has told me, I do understand that any pupil making an accusation could be lying and it would be awful for any staff to be wrongly blamed. But still, I don’t understand how the school so quickly and firmly decided that staff member’s story was right and DD was wrong. If DD is right, he’s free to do it again and I’m not convinced he’s safe to be working with children.

There is no context where that is appropriate.

The school will have a formal complaints procedure. Have you made a formal complaint? If you're not happy,which I absolutely wouldn't be, follow the formal complaint procedure. After that you can escalate to ofsted. I'd take it all the way in the interest of safeguarding and child protection.

Seventree · 29/04/2025 10:01

heatherwithapee · 29/04/2025 08:51

Thanks all for your advice. I’ve had a meeting at school last week. Unsurprisingly, the school are believing the member of staff. He has said that my daughter took what he said out of context and that apparently when she was with friends talking about what they’d done at the weekend, he joined in with “oh that sounds great fun - perhaps you should give me your number and I’ll come along next time”. DD is adamant that it’s a different story - that separately he asked her for her phone number and on another occasion asked her if she’d like to meet outside of school. On both occasions, she was alone having a one to one session with him, and was not with friends.
I’m not happy. Whilst I believe what DD has told me, I do understand that any pupil making an accusation could be lying and it would be awful for any staff to be wrongly blamed. But still, I don’t understand how the school so quickly and firmly decided that staff member’s story was right and DD was wrong. If DD is right, he’s free to do it again and I’m not convinced he’s safe to be working with children.

So he's admitted to trying to exchange numbers to meet outside school? Even if his version of events is correct, he's behaved inappropriately and has now admitted to doing so. School should be taking this more seriously.

oatmilk4breakfast · 29/04/2025 09:42

claudiawinklemansfringetrimmer · 29/04/2025 09:02

apparently when she was with friends talking about what they’d done at the weekend, he joined in with “oh that sounds great fun - perhaps you should give me your number and I’ll come along next time

Even if that’s true surely that’s STILL inappropriate? I used to work in schools and would never say something like that to a child.

Has he at least been removed from working with your DD?

Absolutely this. If it was me, at the very least I would be asking them to switch support worker. If that is not possible in interim he should not be alone with her in his office. Surely that is stupid bad practice on his part too?

OhHellolittleone · 29/04/2025 09:39

heatherwithapee · 29/04/2025 08:51

Thanks all for your advice. I’ve had a meeting at school last week. Unsurprisingly, the school are believing the member of staff. He has said that my daughter took what he said out of context and that apparently when she was with friends talking about what they’d done at the weekend, he joined in with “oh that sounds great fun - perhaps you should give me your number and I’ll come along next time”. DD is adamant that it’s a different story - that separately he asked her for her phone number and on another occasion asked her if she’d like to meet outside of school. On both occasions, she was alone having a one to one session with him, and was not with friends.
I’m not happy. Whilst I believe what DD has told me, I do understand that any pupil making an accusation could be lying and it would be awful for any staff to be wrongly blamed. But still, I don’t understand how the school so quickly and firmly decided that staff member’s story was right and DD was wrong. If DD is right, he’s free to do it again and I’m not convinced he’s safe to be working with children.

No no no. Don’t even joke about swapping numbers or seeing her out of school. Totally inappropriate. This will probably be in a policy somewhere. No numbers exchanged. So then you can say - so even if it’s a joke is it ok to joke about something that is a safeguarding by risk? No of course not. Because 14 year olds can’t be expected to know the difference between a trusted adult joking or asking for their number! It’s not exactly a ‘funny’ or ‘obvious’ joke. For instance if a kid said I’m going to the Maldives and a teacher said ‘Oo can I come?’ It’s an obvious/classic joke. But not this.

longapple · 29/04/2025 09:32

@heatherwithapee does the school have a policy on recording devices for recording lessons for later revision?

If she had such a thing I don't know what the rules are if it accidentally triggered in her pocket during their one to one session? I know recording without people knowing is generally a no but surely if she had a legitimate reason for carrying it they'd have to believe her if you literally had a recording of it?

No3392 · 29/04/2025 09:18

Take this further OP.

The LADO as people have suggested.

What he's admitted to saying is still inappropriate. And we all know loads will admit to as much as they think they can get away with!

Viviennemary · 29/04/2025 09:13

But the story your daughter told was not accurate. You gave the impression he had asked to see her out of school and had asked for her phone number during one of their one to one sessions. What is the truth.

Viviennemary · 29/04/2025 09:11

heatherwithapee · 29/04/2025 08:51

Thanks all for your advice. I’ve had a meeting at school last week. Unsurprisingly, the school are believing the member of staff. He has said that my daughter took what he said out of context and that apparently when she was with friends talking about what they’d done at the weekend, he joined in with “oh that sounds great fun - perhaps you should give me your number and I’ll come along next time”. DD is adamant that it’s a different story - that separately he asked her for her phone number and on another occasion asked her if she’d like to meet outside of school. On both occasions, she was alone having a one to one session with him, and was not with friends.
I’m not happy. Whilst I believe what DD has told me, I do understand that any pupil making an accusation could be lying and it would be awful for any staff to be wrongly blamed. But still, I don’t understand how the school so quickly and firmly decided that staff member’s story was right and DD was wrong. If DD is right, he’s free to do it again and I’m not convinced he’s safe to be working with children.

Even if it was a joke it was still inappropriate.

JojoM1981 · 29/04/2025 09:10

Even if the teacher was mucking about asking for the phone number in a joky way,that's still an inappropriate thing to say 😞

somewherebeyond · 29/04/2025 09:04

If it were my child I would also be reporting this to the Police and to the LADO. They will do a thorough investigation. If you only tell the school they could just brush it under the carpet.

claudiawinklemansfringetrimmer · 29/04/2025 09:02

apparently when she was with friends talking about what they’d done at the weekend, he joined in with “oh that sounds great fun - perhaps you should give me your number and I’ll come along next time

Even if that’s true surely that’s STILL inappropriate? I used to work in schools and would never say something like that to a child.

Has he at least been removed from working with your DD?

Original poster

heatherwithapee · 29/04/2025 08:51

Thanks all for your advice. I’ve had a meeting at school last week. Unsurprisingly, the school are believing the member of staff. He has said that my daughter took what he said out of context and that apparently when she was with friends talking about what they’d done at the weekend, he joined in with “oh that sounds great fun - perhaps you should give me your number and I’ll come along next time”. DD is adamant that it’s a different story - that separately he asked her for her phone number and on another occasion asked her if she’d like to meet outside of school. On both occasions, she was alone having a one to one session with him, and was not with friends.
I’m not happy. Whilst I believe what DD has told me, I do understand that any pupil making an accusation could be lying and it would be awful for any staff to be wrongly blamed. But still, I don’t understand how the school so quickly and firmly decided that staff member’s story was right and DD was wrong. If DD is right, he’s free to do it again and I’m not convinced he’s safe to be working with children.

OP posts:

jenrobin · 25/04/2025 13:16

Rinoachicken · 24/04/2025 20:51

I know I shouldn’t read these threads. But fuck it’s depressing.

If a child discloses abuse or worrying behaviour in any other context - safeguarding 101 says it’s taken seriously and investigated.

Unless it’s in a school - where instead it’s the opposite and all kids are not to be believed, any disclosure is to be ‘taken with a pinch of salt’ because everyone knows kids are lying little shits who are constantly making up false lies against their poor teachers. It’s like an ‘anti safeguarding’ attitude on here in threads like this - every time.

I reckon a school is the ideal place for a predator to hide in plain site - after all, all their colleagues will instinctively rally around and protect them from the malicious lying kids. And if you challenge it well they’ll just all threaten to quit in solidarity.

It’s where my rapist was able to hide, and get away with it.

But I was just a malicious lying 12 year old in the eyes of most on this thread - so what do I know.

Edited

It's not that student allegations are unimportant, it's that they are SO important that they should have been prevented by proper supervision from above. If all staff have safeguarded the child, the evidence of what happened will be clear, and both students and staff would have found the location easily viewable. You simply cannot depend on a child being brave enough to speak up; they need to be actively supervised with the attitude that "It could happen here". Even if nothing has happened, and someone made an honest mistake about being too hidden from sight; that is still a very dangerous mistake. Any child who accuses a teacher should be separated from the accused and it investigated rigorously. My point in saying that policy following is more important than actions is because the policies prevent bad actions. Also school have a responsibility to be watching their staff. If this man was taking Ops DD into a hidden place, without it being observed, he is not the only one at fault.

FridayFeelingmidweek · 24/04/2025 23:26

Contact Ofsted immediately, as well as your local/county council education welfare office and if you feel it's needed, the police too to raise safeguarding concerns if you don't think the school is dealing with it.

blueredpurple · 24/04/2025 23:08

If this is true, and the child hasn’t made it up, this is not a training issue, there is no excuse with the amount of training given in schools. He is a predator and will be sacked if this is found to be true.
It will be investigated as a matter of urgency and either suspended pending further investigations or sacked. It won’t be dragged out.

CherryBlossom321 · 24/04/2025 23:01

Leafy74 · 24/04/2025 22:51

If the accusations are true, then yes he's guilty.

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It’s been established by the OP that he’s been conducting the sessions alone (1:1) in his office.

Leafy74 · 24/04/2025 22:51

CherryBlossom321 · 24/04/2025 22:47

Yes, guilty of not observing basic safeguarding protocols in the workplace. Easy to understand, and absolutely correct.

Show quote history

If the accusations are true, then yes he's guilty.

CherryBlossom321 · 24/04/2025 22:47

Leafy74 · 24/04/2025 21:43

Your first sentence was at the very very least, he has behaved extremely stupidly and needs a bucketload of retraining

That is an assumption of guilt on some level.

Unforgivable from somebody who has worked in schools.

Edited

Yes, guilty of not observing basic safeguarding protocols in the workplace. Easy to understand, and absolutely correct.

blueleavesgreensky · 24/04/2025 22:31

MoominMai · 24/04/2025 17:35

I clearly said further interactions with kids should cease. Generally where it’s a case of word against word, the process which I agree with is not a default suspension. The school immediately does an investigation whilst placing the staff member on restricted duties so it’s all quite sensible and fair to all parties whilst still safeguarding children. Imagine if you were an innocent teacher and this happened to you and instead of treating you as innocent until proven guilty and putting you on restricted duties you were just immediately suspended. It’s important to see both sides.

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What duties could this person do realistically that doesn’t involve contact with students.
I think it’s got to be an accepted aspect of working in schools. Any investigation should involve temporary suspension on full pay. The risks are too great. The person is still being paid.