AIBU to be thinking about a 3rd baby at 40?

Yup- in your case I’d go for it. You have to be ok with having another of the same gender, and going all out to toddler groups to make younger mum friends.. if you’re ok with that I’d say yes.

If you have two girls definitely do it, my friend has her third child, a boy, age 37 after two girls in her 20s. Her girls are like amazing live in Nannie’s they love playing with their little brother. I’m 39 and I will have another in my 40s if I meet the right man.

The gap is a non issue, we have a large gap with our two. I’m leaning more to mid 40’s. I’m not even wanting a dog, too much work. I love babies, my favourite stage with both.
But the toddler stage, especially with my 2nd has put me off for life and in general he was a hard child, much better now. And now that our youngest is coming up for double figures. I’m loving having more freedom and will absolutely not give it up.

But everyone is different and do what feels right for you.

I didn’t look at the date, have already said my piece!!

I did that. I had my first at 22 and my second at 33.

Then decided on another at 40.

Look, I love her and I don’t wish she wasn’t here, obviously, but I am 45 now and fucking over it to be honest.

I don’t know if I am just burned out and resentful as I’ve been a SAHM all these years since I was 22 and there’s been fuck all in it for me, but if I could turn back the clock, I wouldn’t have had a 3rd and especially not at 40. Dd also happens to be a really difficult child, she was a difficult baby as well, my older two were easy.

I can’t say that out loud though as people take it as “I hate my child”, which isn’t the case, but I do hate my life.

Old post

Know this is an old thread but @myotheraccountsa did you go for it? I’ve just had my second at a few weeks off 40 (eldest just turned 7) and at 3 months in I can honestly say it’s the best thing that ever happened to all of us 🥰

A friend of a friend had a similar experience- tried for number three (at age 35) and got numbers 3, 4, and 5 😱

Chance of multiple birth also increases with age, of course.

You're wanting the other gender.
I wouldn't.
Bet you would have the same gender again.

Surely the only reason you need is that you want another one?

Of course do what is right for you but make absolutely sure your husband is on board because you will really need him (one of you takes the others to after school stuff, the other looks after the baby etc). BUT - and this is a true story - a friend had three lovely boys but decided they could afford a 4th - really wanted a girl but would be happy with another boy - then - you couldn't make this up - they got THREE more boys. Triplets. Be careful what you wish for!!

I also think you might regret having another one at this stage and I had mine at 38 and 42 so it's not that I think you are too old. Now is a great time to be an empty nester when you are young enough to build your own fulfilling life that's not all about your kids, and be able to focus on work, hobbies, and maybe being an involved grandparent. If you leave it another 20 years then I think it would look more daunting. Also it's easy to forget just how much work and how little freedom babies and small children come with.

I prefer 3 to 2 but that’s 3 close in age. No way would I have considered a third with a 10 year age gap. And having another child because you’re ‘terrified’ of your older ones growing up and leaving the nest is a terrible reason quite frankly.

so for me, it’s not your age, or three children in itself which is the issue, it’s that it would be starting again with the whole newborn thing with the other kids heading into secondary school.

I read that a lot of that on here but have never seen it in real life. I was desperate for a boy and on balance would say that most of my friends were also more keen to have boys than girls.

do it! so much prefer 3 than 2 (sorry for WC parent, but this is just my genuine feeling/experience)...

"I am terrified of my 2 growing up and leaving, just don't feel ready for an empty nest and no child to base my life around"
Please don't do it for this reason only, as obviously you are going to have to deal with these feelings eventually, you would just be kicking the can down the road. You've made a really good argument for not having another baby , there's nothing to be added to it. I think it will depend on how strongly you and your other half feel about it really.

I’d do it 😂. I kind of wish I’d had another… too late now.

The twins!!! <faints>. Reason enough to stop at 2 right there!

Please just follow your heart. Do what is right for you. My older children adore my younger. There is a 12 year age gap between the oldest and the twins.

The idea that your parenting experience e is somehow incomplete if you don’t get both sexes is nuts to me.

You'll basically have two siblings and an only child. I can't imagine wanting to go back and start again when my kids were in secondary school.

I am terrified of my 2 growing up and leaving, just don't feel ready for an empty nest and no child to base my life around Kindly, @myotheraccountsa that's a reason to get some counselling and hobbies, not to make a new person.

Because it’s always a girl that posters want. I see very few gender disappointment threads by mums of girls who want a boy.

Honestly, all of your ‘for’ reasons aren’t actually coming across as valid reasons, and all of your ‘against’ reasons are very sound logic. I wouldn’t do it personally.