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Original poster

I’m always biting my lip re: sister

33 replies

SortYourselfOut · 24/04/2025 03:30

Please help me to get some perspective or tell me if you can understand why I’m so fed up here !
I have a small family, just my DD who is almost 24 and physically disabled with learning difficulties - we live together, I’m single.
I have one sister, she has two adult children and five lovely grandkids. She is at her daughter’s house Every. Single. Day to ‘help’ her with the kids and housework (her daughter is married, by the way, but husband does absolutely nothing to help, stating that he’s been to work all day , he does nothing extra). My sister complains constantly about her grandkids - honestly, they are lovely, bright and clever but, yeah, they are a bit boisterous and cheeky
just normal, really !
My sister is a bit of a martyr, I reckon.
Anyway, we’re all off to Greece soon for her son’s wedding. It would’ve cost me a fortune for me and my DD to stay in the same all inclusive hotel as everyone else so we’re a 10 minute taxi ride away at a (nice) self catering hotel. All good so far.
It’s going to be my birthday the first night we’re there and so today I asked could we all meet for a drink on my birthday night … my sister properly pulled a face saying she’d paid for all inclusive so she wasn’t going to be leaving the hotel in the evening. If I wanted to join them at their hotel it would cost me €80 for a day pass !
She is always pleading poverty yet she’s paying almost £400 to join the hen weekend (she’s also complaining about that).
All I’m asking is if my (tiny) family could have a few drinks with me on my birthday. No one ever does anything for me on my birthday so it couldn’t hurt, could it ? Or am
I being a bit pathetic ?
Would you bring up this issue with her if you were me ?

OP posts:
Vaxtable · 24/04/2025 18:50

I would speak to your niece and say you would like to take her up on your offer of meeting at the bar. Then tell your sister she can either come or not it’s up to her, but you can’t afford to pay €80 x 2 for a day pass for a couple of hours unless she would like to pay for you as it’s your birthday

then if she won’t come just don’t do anything for her birthday. Selfish woman

WeAreAllBucked · 24/04/2025 16:26

I don’t think I would bring it up tbh.
what I would do is every time she complains about the grandchildren. Just say:
You are blessed having them, I would only have loved Grandchildren if my daughter was well.
Your lovely niece has agreed to go for drinks with you, let your sister mind all her Grandkids in the all inclusive and go with her🤣
Sometimes the least said, the least to mend. Your sister does not sound like a person who would take it on board.

ThisIsMyYearToFindMyself · 24/04/2025 15:39

Redfloralduvet · 24/04/2025 03:35

I don't see any point in bringing the issue up... because you already have! And she DGAF. She's literally told you with her face and her words. Why beg for her attention? I wouldn't bother with her any more TBH. She doesn't care about you.

This, sadly.

What will happen if you talk to her again? Grumpiness, negativity, lack of care. She’s not going to say ‘oh I’m sorry, of course we’ll meet somewhere, and it’s my treat!’ is she? I’d accept her for who she is, which seems to be a disinterested and negative woman, and I’d start looking outwards when you get home, at other friendships.

GardenPart · 24/04/2025 14:48

Hi OP - I’m an only child so no sister experience but - I think what you’re experiencing is awful and upsetting. Your sister is expecting you to do all the running around and not even prepared to meet you halfway ❤️

Original poster
SortYourselfOut · 24/04/2025 14:11

Any other advice, anyone ?

OP posts:
Original poster
SortYourselfOut · 24/04/2025 10:30

Thank you @WeAreAllBucked
You are so right, it hurts my heart a bit when I hear her speaking so negatively about her grandchildren, she just doesn’t realise what a gift she has in them !
My niece is lovely, she did say straight away that we will all meet up in a bar nearby and have a birthday get together but I saw my sister’s face and when she said ‘I’ve paid for all inclusive I’m staying put !’ my stomach dropped and I just thought oh I’ll leave it then.
Would you say anything if you were me ? I don’t want to fall out with her but, yeah, sometimes it feels like she doesn’t care and that hurts.

OP posts:
WeAreAllBucked · 24/04/2025 09:22

Thats awful OP, if your family were any way kind they could have clubbed together for you and your daughter to have a day with them at the all inclusive for your birthday. If you say anything it’s like you are being petty. I would just remember this when it is your sisters birthday. Could you mention to your nephew and niece it’s your birthday would they be kinder than their mother!!
I don’t like people who do things to help their family and then complain about it. No doubt OP you would have loved if your daughter was well and could marry and have children. It must be so hard to listen to your sister complain about her grandchildren. You probably do lots of work caring for your daughter.

Redfloralduvet · 24/04/2025 03:35

I don't see any point in bringing the issue up... because you already have! And she DGAF. She's literally told you with her face and her words. Why beg for her attention? I wouldn't bother with her any more TBH. She doesn't care about you.