Dubai move or divorce

I think despite everything you’ve said about domestic stuff and baby, that just with time you would have grown to resent him/the situation anyway. Because in situs like yours and many others, women get to a certain age and realise they’ve been taken for a ride, that they’ve been making the best of a situation that doesn’t work for them and … ENOUGH. It’s your life too but it’s revolving around his job whether you can make the best of it when you were child-free or now that you’re much less free.

Moving to ME sounds a bit dodgy and again you doing more of the compromising - granted you will have help but you’ll be a long way from home (?) - do you have family where you are (uk?)

Don’t divorce.
Don’t go to Dubai.
Just wait. Let time pass. Get any help you can find - cleaning? Dog care?
Things will improve.

One immediate change that I do suggest is that your DH checks into an airport hotel on the night before a flight. He obviously does need that proper night’s sleep, but equally he can’t expect a home with a young baby to suddenly be quiet to fit his schedule.

This. Also you sound quite low. I think speak to GP about antidepressants? If you haven’t already. Your thinking may be clouded by mental health atm. All I’m saying is don’t make a decision while your judgement is clouded. You could regret it. Especially when husband remarries and has new family…

That level of mortgage is insane.

Aside from that, your husband is being a prick. Assuming he doesn't have to be up early for work, there is no good reason you can't go to the gym in the evening.

Dubai would be awful and you'd have close to zero rights. You'd be trapped there with your child.

Truthfully, getting back to work will help you a lot. How much longer is mat leave?

Even on his days off ?
if he’s off , just go out. Tell him.

Your husband works shifts, and you are finding it difficult, seems to be the upshot.

Can you afford a nursery place for baby, so you get some time to yourself? Do you have the money for a cleaner? Can you go to more groups so you are getting out of the house and meet more people.

There are other things you can look at in this country before you move abroad.

Plus.. it does get easier once they get older.

When are you due to go back to work? This reads alot like you are stuck alone and lonely too. DH goes to bed early so you are on your own alot, I struggle when my DH wants to go to bed at 9 let alone before 5. I wouldn’t move to Dubai, I would look in to how I could improve my happiness at home. If possible try and get some you time. Can you do any keeping in touch days at work while baby has some childcare cover?

There is middle ground here.

Find a child minder one day a week just so you get some down time.

When your DH is home and not asleep - he can take care of the baby then - don’t ask - just grab your coat and the dog.

Wait til you go back to work - what’s the plan? Childminder? Nursery?

Can you go back 3/4 days a week? Condensed hours?

If your DH won’t put you first then you have to do that for yourself!!

I told my DH if I’m looking after the bay, who’s looking after me? Because that’s his job!

You could still fly back to the uk for free of for cheap all the time though

Do you still love and find your husband attractive or has all of that gone now?

I would definitely go to Dubai and get all the help with running the home

If he’s insisting on uninterrupted sleep because he’s due to fly the next day, then he’s absolutely right to do so. OP has already said he’s besotted with the baby.

OP, don’t do anything hasty. It will get better.

Honestly, just go back to work before you make any big decisions. I didn’t enjoy mat leave at all and felt much happier once I went back to work three days a week - it meant I could feel like myself again and not just a mother. I didn’t fully recover from the PND until then.

Just seen your update...is this the night before he has to go to work? Or all the time?

Don't beg for time to go out, make him pay for a childminder. Where are his parents in all this if your mom works

And I wish people would stop with the constant divorce, it's a bit early for this just yet, baby is only 6 months old

Do you get paid on mat leave?

The massive mortgage seems an issue too.

Your dh needs really good earplugs. You can't stop a baby /dog from making some noise.

My dh works crazy hours too, and it was really tying when the dc were small and couldn't be left for a minute. But think about what you need from your life - regular babysitter so you can go to the gym, etc. That doesn't have to be your dh. I don't understand how you have a well paid job and be able to be a single mum yet can't afford a cleaner / babysitter on 2 salaries (maybe it's the unpaid leave bit at the mo, but still should be 1 good salary)

Do not go to the ME, if you divorce and want to come back you may have problems. TBH, he sounds a pain with the dictating what you can and can’t do when he’s home. If you know his roster I’m sure you work around it (apart from standby).
I think you need to go back to work so you don’t fall into the monotony of his roster and when he’s going to be back, leaving or sleeping. Also, if things do head for divorce you’ll need your own money.

Sorry - but i also get this - my brother couldn't do nights, or did very very few, he was always on call and so had to sleep - but again, my SIL knew it would be like this, its what she bought into before marriage. Perhaps you need an au pair, ro some other type of live in help?

Did he want the baby? Because it sounds like he didn’t. You need to divorce.

But there is no 'imbalance' - you are on maternity leave, which is amazing. After that, you will probably go back to work - as he does. The only difference is, as you know, he will be gone from time to time, but as you said - you knew this. He does not get the paternity leave - (i dont think) - you do, enjoy if for now, then plan your comeback to work. I suspect it just that you have to do most of the looking after the baby yourself - is that what youre having an issue with? Because i dont know how you can blame your husband or this - this is his career, one in which you supported before. Believe me - i am absolutely on your side, but i think your focussing on the wring things here. It will get better, for now, enjoy maternity and seeing the little one grow up, because once they are in nursery, it wont be the same.

No, do not move when you're so down and vulnerable. A nanny is great but I'd want to stay closer to family and friends. Being home all day with a small baby is really hard. But 6 months was a turning point for me. Baby will soon get easier, you'll get more independence back.

And I would not be having dinner at 4.45.

Do not revolve everything around his schedule. When he's there, he can join you. The only way forward is to build a life independent of his presence and he can slot it in when he's home.

This stage is hard in a marriage. Your life has been completely turned upside down while his continues as it was. I hated my DH post partum and he 1) didn't do shift work and 2) is actually pretty hands on. But his body is intact. His career is intact. His social life is almost the same. Men have it so easy.

But your life will get easier soon too. Maybe not easy but more manageable and closer to normality.

. Me and my partner are in the aviation industry and with kids I would be isolated too, however that’s the career path we chose same as your husband. If you divorce I guarantee he won’t go 50/50 as the job will come first. Your 6 months in, your life has changed massively and you don’t feel like you anymore. You aren’t you anymore you have a brand new baby and are now a mum. Things have to adapt. Can you move to a cheaper house and afford a cleaner or nanny etc? I agree Dubai is amazing for aviation families as I personally worked for emirates but if you don’t like the idea of it it would be hell for you. Continue with your therapy and medication and don’t make any rash decisions for another 6 months. Can you join baby groups and make friends that way with mums and dads.