To ask how many of you married for money?

Sorry, posted wrong photo and don't know how to delete it.

This is a bit harsh! But the truth hurts.

There were many women that would have married my husband for his wealth. When I
met him there were many hovering!

I was adamant that I was not after his wealth and
am not a kept woman. And he saw that. Now he is unwell, no sex life, but we are intimate, and he is loved and cared for.

His previous wife nearly destroyed him with her greed.

No, but it reminds me of this......
https://photos.app.goo.gl/pUZ5bSqbhLKUxsap9

If you need to settle may as well get somebody with money.

True. Better to be rich and bored, than poor and bored.

Well perhaps that poster does indeed date solely for looks - and that’s why they assume others are dating solely for money.

People often judge and make assumptions based on their own mentality - all makes sense now.

No. I married for love. He has as little cash as me and that's fine.

I think that’s rubbish.
i wouldn’t date a man who I didn’t find physically attractive. However I also wouldn’t date a man whose only appeal was his looks. I’d date a physically attractive man who was also kind, supportive, who I thought would be a good parent, who I could laugh with etc. So I wouldn’t be with him for his looks, even though his looks were important to me.

Yeah random MNetters knows me more than myself. Lol

Btw as I said upthread I personally didn’t limit myself to dating only rich men, but there is nothing to suggest that all those who do don’t consider other qualities too.

Do you criticise men (or women) who only date attractive people and tell them that’s all they’re interested in?

I totally agree

In many cases yes.

As a fairly well off man myself, if he is as smart as you say, and he probably is, likely he won't marry you - as a chap (ladies probably get the same)when you have worked hard for what you have sadly you attract, amongst others, those who are after your money and a free lunch / half a house.

He might like having you around for companionship etc. but unlikely he'd actually marry you I would say.

My wife is much wealthier than me, and the attraction was not her wealth, but that she genuinely loved me, and had no interest in being kept, even slightly.

If you only date men you find physically attractive, does that mean you’re only interested in looks?

No, only dating men with money doesn’t mean you’re only interested in money.

You keep telling yourself that love. One day you might believe it.

@Quietsurrender No. I could have married for money, but knew it wouldn't be the right thing to do and certainly unfair on the man concerned as he would have always loved me in a way I couldn't love him. I married for love instead - we've made our life (and money) together and are still enjoying a long and happy marriage.

No, only dating men with money doesn’t mean you’re only interested in money.

Just like the many men only dating women who are conventionally attractive/ they find attractive, doesn’t mean all they’re interested in is looks.

There are of course some men and some women who do date solely based on those attributes and don’t care about character/personality but it’s not the case for everyone.

I didn’t ’marry for money’ as such. I did want to meet someone who had a decent career and was ambitious. So similar to myself at the time.
My DH is very wealthy now but I didn’t know when we met how successful he would become (he’s overtaken me by a long way).

Had it done to me and I’m female. Not madly rich but I had a good job and my house. Worked out after we married why he’d love bombed and begged me to marry him. He walked out of his job, expected to work a few hours a week for barely enough to cover his child support and car payments and thought I’d pay everything else. It was a horrible feeling knowing I’d been used like that. And then it cost me to get rid of the bastard.

I only ever met men at work, because that’s where I spent the vast majority of my life, so the chance of falling in love with a ‘poor man’ was very slim. Nothing to do with only being interested in money, just that all the men I dated happened to work in the same industry as me, and were therefore fairly wealthy. I didn’t have time to meet ‘a poor man’!

No. Although MIL thinks I did. Which is ironic as I out earn DH by a significant amount, and have done for almost 20 years.

My sister did. She’s beautiful and married a short, techy guy who is a millionaire. He’s alright, he’s definitely got a chip on his shoulder about being shot and always makes digs at my DP so I don’t love him. My sister always buys me and DP great Christmas gifts with his money tho, so we put up with him. She is quite isolated because he is honestly socially repulsive and he doesn’t like her going out without him. There’s definitely pros to it, but I cannot imagine having to shag him, not for all the money in the world. He is so used to getting what he wants, he is rude to wait staff, rude to just about everyone. He throws money at any problem. He is also 20 years older than my sister, so hopefully he’ll kick the bucket and she can have a few years living it up.

Marry for money? No, in that technically we were both earning pittance when we met - I was earning slightly more in fact - we lived on baked potatoes and super noodles the first year!

however he was extremely bright, well educated, financially savvy and hugely motivated. Making money has always been important to him - knowing that it was very likely to make the sort of money that would enable the lifestyle we have now (three children in private school / SAHM life) was definitely a factor in my life choice - I was pretty open about that. He knows that I don’t care about driving a fancy car (I don’t) or appearing flashy. But I have been open from the beginning about the life I hoped for one day.

editing to add - we value each other’s contribution. He married me knowing I was someone who wanted to focus on my family life. We rarely argue about our roles because we’re confident in the space we occupy. He still wakes up with the children at night - I still think about investments + steward our money sensibly.

while I didn’t marry for money - we quite openly both chose a partner who’s life goals aligned with ours. I think that’s the key. I love him, he’s my favourite person + I love that we’ve grown up and worked our life together. I don’t think that needs to be unromantic!

Would I marry for money? No.

I think a lot of the time people mistake women not wanting to marry unstable men for women marrying for money.

I would happily marry someone as poor as a church mouse if they were decent and we got on. Equally, I wouldn't marry someone wealthy if you paid me if they were unstable and had a lot of dysfunction in their life.

However, in real life, dysfunction and resultant poverty are linked enough of the time to make it seem that women are marrying for money, when in fact they just want to marry someone who is as self sufficient and responsible as they are

So you're only interested in money then?

“I wouldn't have married someone who wasn't generous with what he did have.”

This is so important. You can marry a rich man but is he generous as well? I remember dating a man a few years ago who was a business man , had various investments, earned 6 figures etc but he was very miserly - at least with me. Maybe he was waiting to spend it on his dream woman but that clearly wasn’t me!

The first time I came to his house which involved a long-ish flight he didn’t even offer me food. When I mentioned it he dug out some leftovers that didn’t taste good to me. He also didn’t do a lot of the things he promised we’d do while in his city that long weekend, including taking me out for a fancy dinner on at least one night and some touristy stuff. I asked him about it and he got annoyed and basically said was I here to see him or get a tour of his city. I was pretty shocked since he was the one who suggested doing these things initially and also if have a friend over I love taking them out and doing sightseeing etc.
I can see now he just didn’t want to spend money and was grooming /training me
to ask for nothing.

He had asked me to bring something he liked from the country I was traveling from which I did, but yet he had no welcome gift for me. I was expecting maybe a little bunch of flowers or some nice chocolate etc.

I mean we went out to eat twice the 4 days I was there and he paid but each time the waitress asked if we wanted dessert he would quickly say no. Otherwise I just snacked on fruit in his house. He did make a fresh dinner dinner for me once though.

I’d spent literally hundreds between the flights and getting a new dress for the fancy dinner we never went on and his gift and he was giving me the bare minimum.
The whole episode just put me off him entirely and I just couldn’t imagine a happy life with him.

I’d dated men with less than him who were much more generous.

Wouldn’t marry for money personally but nothing against women who do - the only thing I’d say is make sure the man is generous and ready to share - not just rich. And that there are other things you like
about him too.

It’s not different from men - or women for that matter - marrying partners they think are beautiful. They may like other things about the person but attractiveness was still factored in.

I think in your case Op if you have DC under 18 you should be very careful about bringing a man into their lives anytime soon. This man seems a bit closed off which may mean he is just reserved but may also mean you don’t really get to know the true person until it’s too late.

No-one should put themselves in danger but I think you get to be a bit reckless when you don’t have kids. Things are so different when you have kids to consider.

I agree with this.

And if I am totally honest, I probably would not have married my DH if he were poor, or didn’t have his well paid profession, or his family money.