To ask how many of you married for money?

I couldn’t. My husband is my soul mate, we moved in together into a tiny bedsit furnished with donations and kind gifts from friends - we truly had nothing (and no income, cheers for that lockdown). His lovely mum dropped us round a box of food each week as we couldn’t afford much ourselves. Each other’s company has always been enough, and I adore him more than I can put into words. I would struggle to live a life without the passion I feel now for the sake of having money.

Does being financially secure help a relationship? Sure. I’m a less tense person when I’m not fretting about bills. It’s nice to go on nice holidays and have spare cash to treat yourself or your family. But if I was doing all those things with someone I don’t feel real passion for, I’d struggle to feel happy honestly. Give me a lovely walk in the local park with my other half over a fancy getaway or a big house with any other person, any day.

/soppy

It doesn’t follow of course that he’ll share his money with you!

And in your quieter moments (after finding this wealthy chap) won’t you feel kind of indebted to him? Not a nice feeling….esp if he insinuates you are.

thats one of the puzzlements on here is why people dont discuss these when first dating etc

I would marry for love but try and find someone whose spending style matches your own.

The biggest incompatibilities in relationships are down to sex and money. A saver with a spender doesn’t work. A low libido with a high libido doesn’t work.

No man or woman is perfect. But I wouldn’t settle. Find someone who supports you and lights you up if you can!

or you marry for love then they cheat ?

@DreamTheMoors Imagine someone wanting to marry you because you’re pretty but for no other reason. Or because of the number of books you’ve read. Or because of the skirts you own. Or shoes.

Men love very easily though. It's easy for men to get lovey-dovey feelings for any woman who is pleasant.

It sounds like the man has a lot of positive qualities. This is far more important than some abstract quality like "passion" that may be experienced with someone who turns out to be abusive.

I had the opportunity to marry a multimillionaire.
But I just couldn’t do it.
I couldn’t marry someone I didn’t love.
I couldn’t do that to somebody.
That’s mean, marrying someone under false pretenses.
Imagine someone wanting to marry you because you’re pretty but for no other reason. Or because of the number of books you’ve read. Or because of the skirts you own. Or shoes.
Same principle.

Not me. I supported my husband for years before he got on his feet.

A rich man can love you just as much as a poor man.

No.

I was actually the main breadwinner for most of our marriage.

Absolutely agree, and I'm happy for DH to be self-employed. It's just that he would earn more being PAYE in the field he qualified in and not have as many overheads. My frustration is that he doesn't seem to understand why we can't afford to buy at the level we used to. He's really not that thick either, and this makes me even more frustrated.

I did but he left me for another woman. I got serious about work and tripled my salary in 7 years and now I’m earning enough that I don’t want or need a man now.

As Cher says, I am the rich man!

I would feel like a prostitute if I married for money. I would feel as though I had no right to spend any of the money and would have to feel grateful all the time. I'd really hate that. If you marry someone who's rich and get a divorce then there's no guarantee you'll get much money anyway. If he realises that you've married him for money then the chance of a divorce is very high.

Having said that I wouldn't marry somebody now that I had to carry financially. It was fine in my 20s when we were both earning different amounts at different times but now I am older there is no way I would want to be funding someone else's lifestyle or have them funding mine.

PAYE isn't the only way to earn good money, I've never been on PAYE and couldn't earn as much as I do that way - if you are self employed the way to do it is to either find a line that delivers or have a portfolio business doing more than one thing.

PAYE is crap, it means you have a boss, HR, teams meetings, a fake plastic veneered imitation beech desk and a swivel chair on supercord carpet - not for me!

When I was early 20's I went out with a guy who was 10rs older and very solvent. I remember going to his house and being told I should move in with him (by him!) as he would take care of all the bills etc and I could just spend all my own earnings on myself! I didn't fancy him really and I'm so glad I dumped him and met my future DH who was on the dole and had nothing. We were insanely attracted to each other and I had a lucky escape from the ex - he turned out to be proper mental. This was pre mobile phones and 1 day I didn't go for a pre agreed date he turned up at my flat barged his way in and looked in all the cupboards for me- I must be 'hiding from him'. I was waiting for the bus to meet him My now DH has a very well paying job- we both work full time and have been together for over 30yrs.
Knobhead was a right prick to be fair! Thought going to massage parlours was OK as well!

No I wouldn’t marry for money, but I also wouldn’t marry anyone with significantly less money than me either.

No, but I sometimes think it 🤣. It's only because I'm married to a man who has the potential to earn a lot through PAYE, however, he is self-employed and his work is seasonal. I'm so glad that he gets so much enjoyment from being self-employed.

I earn a decent salary (not a part of the 6 figures crew, mind), and we do not struggle at all, however, I'm beginning to get a bit tired of his attitude towards money and thinking he can just purchase a property of his dreams, especially when the property would be a given if he was PAYE.

He seems to want to live a champagne lifestyle on a lemonade budget, and I'm getting a little bit sick of it. Don't get me wrong, we aren't in debt other than the mortgage and student loans, but his pie in the sky dreams are beginning to fuck me right off.

Sorry, and thanks for allowing me to vent.

It'll be a long hard marriage with an unaffectionate man. You will definitely pay the price there.

Nope. I said earlier:

I didn’t ’marry for money’ in the sense that it was the only thing I was concerned about, or that I was looking for someone to provide for me, but I wasn’t interested in even dating men that weren’t at least on an equal footing to me financially. Similarly I wasn’t interested in dating men I wasn’t attracted to, or men that I wasn’t compatible with in other ways.

Well I'm working class so money has never been a factor.

I think if I were to do it again then I'd want someone who earns same as me or more, has their own property and car - same as I do

I do think love can grow. Passion doesn't last but you have to at least fancy your partner and have similar love language. I'm not affectionate at all but see love through small things like dh making me a cuppa without asking or other small kindness that makes my life nicer

if it helps to survive and have a better quality of life then i would marry for money

I didn't but my cousin did. She grew up very poor and when she met her husband she fell for his money. They were in their early 40s when they married, he indulges her but she has to act like a 1950s housewife, what he says goes and she has to have his dinner on the table at 6pm every night. He decides everything major such as what car she can drive, where they go on holiday. She is not allowed to work full time. One time, all us cousins met up one afternoon and planned to go for dinner. 50s housewife cousin couldn't come because she had to go home to make her husband's dinner.
Sod that for a lark.

I meant to post a link to where Caroline Aherne asks Debbie McGee "so tell me Debbie, what first attracted you to the millionaire Paul Daniels?"

I couldn't marry for money.

Sex/intimacy is important. It can have its ups and downs (lol) but if there's nothing there in the first place....I'm not sure you can do it.

I would on balance marry someone who was perhaps less good looking than (this sounds extremely shallow!) other people (entirely theoretical as there is no queue of such people 😂) because of all of their qualities.

Them being rich wouldn't come into it though - more about attitude to money and similar financial values/behaviours.