To ask how many of you married for money?

Nope. Had no idea how much he made and then found out properly after we got married and I live comfortably and don't need to work now. It was the cherry on the cake but wouldnt ever choose to marry solely for money.

Not as black and white though, is it?

Thankfully I didn't marry my first love because it would have been a tough life of me supporting him, he was lovely but not financial astute.
My DH is and that is such an attractive and supporting quality as we're equal in our thinking on that and life is far easier.
It's not the same as marrying for money, but when marrying for love it is and should be a massive consideration.

No I never would have, even when I was young and very broke. My focus was always on earning enough to be content on my own because I need to have that level of self-respect.
That said, I've had long term relationships with people who earned much less than me and they don't work either. Approximately equal earning potential is a pre-requisite for me.
But not everyone wants what I want. Only you can know if you can live happily with that level of imbalance, combined with the lack of passion, I think the combination of those two things would be the killer, but more the imbalance than the lack of passion.

I am the world’s worst golddigger. I was asked out by two men at the same time Dh and the son of one of England’s oldest and wealthiest families whose name is well known.

Chose Dh as I fancied him and we clicked I stand by my choice but Dh thinks I’m mad and said if he were me have would have chosen the other guy for a life of leisure!

Don't do it purely for money, it's not worth how much of yourself you'd have to sacrifice.

Do it because he's a kind, loving man who you can see having a good, happy life with and who you will enjoy having sex with.

He could lose the money. Then where would you be if that was all it was?

And to your answer your question directly, no I wouldn’t. I need spark and excitement and amazing conversation.

I wouldn’t take a £200K job I didn’t really love either and appreciate this comes from a place of privilege as I’ve never been truly on my knees (there but for the grace of god)

My working theory is that men marry for money far more often than women. Yet the narrative is it’s a female thing. Marrywell and gold digger insults are rarely leveled at men.

I know quite a few women whose parents have tonnes of cash - think privately educated, grew up in the home counties with a dad retired from a big job in finance who gives them a house ‘loan’ so they don’t need a mortgage. I swear they never get dumped! The men know they’re onto a great thing! I know about 10 women with this kind of set up and the majority of them have been with the same men since their teens and early 20s. They’re all really lovely ladies too but lots of women I know are lovely and their men generally don’t stick around like this, especially in their 20s!

OP, I don’t think this is the way to find happiness.

No because I'm not a gold digger 🤣

I admire your courage in asking. It could only be answerable by you, though, with your knowledge of what affection or respect there is at all, if any.
I'm reminded of a quote about Jane Austen's books, something about the attitude that it was deplorable to marry for money, but foolish to marry without it.

I would not be able to mask my eventual contempt that a man was fool enough to marry me knowing that I did not love the bones off of him.
And I would spend the time that I was dating a man I didn't fancy, hooking myself up with a second job .

If two people have an understanding, the one with means needing companionship into their elder years and the broke arsed one being socially compatible with that person, that's different. Cards have been laid out.

But one partner fooling himself and the other thinking they are fooling them is a risk that I would not take , especially as we are in a zeitgeist where men taking accountability for their feelings seems to be at an all time low. If that worm turned, OP could have hell to pay.

I was just thinking this

If you’re raising kids alone and on the poverty line in this economy then I have zero judgment. Marrying well wasn’t a taboo in Jane Austen’s day. I’d be advising my daughters to choose well. I don’t think you should marry just for money, but it is a major factor in how secure your life will be. I don’t see why you can’t be happy with money.

A good role model & safe father figure should be your priority before money though. You’d be better off with a man who has a normal job and is a kind Father than someone wealthy and sullen. There’s no amount of money that stops you feeling trapped and depressed with a husband thats perpetually a sour puss.

I think if he’s sour on date 3 he’ll be sour forever. Find someone happy and adjusted with all the values you want and that has money. Tell me where you find him so I can go there too !

It's as old as time, not a recent fad!

You’ve heard the expression “money doesn’t buy happiness”.

So what would you gain from marrying someone who you aren’t passionately in love with for money? How will that change your life for the better?

No. I did date some men with money before DH but they all fell short: boring/entitled/snob/misogyne. I would have loved to marry someone with money but I would have to love him and like him which didn't happen.

I didn't marry for money, however I wouldn't have married someone who didn't have had debt or warning potential, or someone who wasn't educated to the same level as me or someone who wasn't driven within their life as I was.

The first time I married for physical attraction the second time I'm married I married for love and mutual respect. I would not have married anyone who was either a gambler or cavalier with money though.

My husband did. When we met we both worked, but my earnings far, far outweighed his. When we started a family he gave up working because we didn't need his earnings and his working hours meant he would miss out on family time (terrible parernity leave, long hours etc.) This was planned and understood before we married. It was a deal breaker for me, him working would juat have caused us more stress. So, although we married for love, he knew going into it that he'd never (have to) work again.

If you are questioning the situation then there is something wrong. I don’t believe in soul mates but I do believe in the right combination of personalities and skill sets. I also think you know when it’s right. Nothing really niggles that much. Also you find yourself putting the other person first. And you should find yourself laughing together.

A lack of money can cause stress.
A person who gambles, is secretive with money or lies about money , or is mean with money should be avoided. Also for me I couldn’t cope with being with someone who just frittered money away. He’s still living at home in his 40s. I own property both my own and jointly with my husband and have savings. This has made recent times and issues easier as we had a backup plan. But I appreciate it’s not always possible if on a very low income.

Make your own money so you are independent. Do not love money for its own sake but for the power of choice that it can give you.

I used to think that. I married for love. I had a good career and was the main earner. Turns out I’ve been in an emotionally abusive relationship and I’ve been a boiled frog. Now he will probably get half my pension. Wish I’d married for money. I’d still not love or be loved but I would not be poor despite my hard work.

I'm sure money is a factor in most relationships if you're planning to get married and/or have children. But it shouldn't be the only factor, I think you need to like the person at least!

I don’t think that’s true. I know plenty of pleasant women who struggle to find dates. I think men can love what a woman does for them easily - but not the woman herself.

You’re making no sense. You can require a quality in a person without that being the only reason you would date a person.

It happens every day whether the injured party finds out about it or not.
It happened to me when I married for love.
Did I feel foolish? For loving? Why would I?
Shouldn’t the cheaters feel guilty and foolish?
I’m sure he cheated on her too.

My sister did. She told me once when we were mid teens I would marry for love and she would for money. She said she couldn't imagine herself ever really loving anyone. It was quite sad. She went on the right dating apps married a millionaire. She is desperately unhappy though, she has 2 ADHD boys, who stress her out so much. She won't/can't buy in childcare due to their behaviour. He is always at work, the children in his view are her problem. It is a lonely, stressful life. He has said to her to give up work if the children are hard, but she does PT, gives her some identity I suppose. Hopefully when the children grow up she will be able to relax and spend the money. Not be on edge for the next phonecall from the school. She would never let them board, I don't even know if the school would have them. She has to hide knives, has been hit etc. It is no life and I got the feeling as her boys are so naughty the other mothers tend to avoid her. One calls her the one that works. She takes it, I wouldn't tolerate being spoken to like that. She has cut off her schoolfriends and other than 2 shifts a week her life is the school, she is always volunteering, I am sure the teachers dislike it and running them and anyone else who wants free childcare around to after sschool activities. The lifts are never reciprocated, even if they were, she wouldn't allow her boys to be taken by someone else, something could very likely happen. She suffers terrible migraines. She has a much nicer, car, house, holidays, hairdresser than I do. Her husband earns 10x what mine does and we are not poor. I wouldn't want her life though. The school went on a camp to another country. She went to, stayed in a hot red l and picked her child up every night to sleep with her and brought him back each morning. She didn't feel she could leave him. Surprisingly her husband looked after the younger one whilst she did this. When I say looked after plonked in front of the TV and ignored, at least there was no major disaster. I wouldn't recommend it, it might have been completely different if her children were not so challanging. I couldn't have children, she told me once if she had known what it was going to be like she wouldn't have had them. Heartbreaking, she does try her very best for them