To ask how many of you married for money?

My mum used to say;

When poverty strikes, love flies out the window.

I think it’s a quote.

This thread reminds me of the brilliant Caroline Ahearn asking Debbie Magee, “So, Debbie, what first attracted you to the millionaire, Paul Daniels?”

One of my exes, who is still a dear friend, just inherited and became very very wealthy. I saw him socially as part of the friendship group recently and came away thinking I still couldn’t be with him as a partner/ DH. Couldn’t force the necessary connection despite the masses of wealth. The DH I have ended up with will never be a moneybags but the emotional and mental connection are worth way more.

Edited for terrible grammar.

Better to be an old man darling than a young man's slave was told to me when I was young.

Financial security is attractive if you want children

He's funny, smart, hard working, has integrity, I feel safe around him. I even feel an attraction growing.

These are all attractive qualities. I would see no harm in dating him and seeing where the growing attraction leads. It may be he becomes more demonstrably affectionate when he knows you better or when you are affectionate to him. It may be he continues to be subdued and doesn’t express affection in a way you need. When you say there is no passion what do you mean? There is a world of difference between not feeling like he’s the only person in the world and you want to rip his clothes off and the idea of sex with him being a bit repulsive. If you are just a bit lukewarm currently I’d again think it’s worth dating for a while and seeing what happens. You don’t have to decide now if you’d marry the guy, just if you feel like it’s worth trying a relationship.

Passion isn't a good enough reason to get married IMHO. Passion fades usually so you need a better basis for a happy marriage - you must actually LIKE each other, enjoy being together, share interests/SOH.

If you need romance and he's cold you'll be unhappy matter how financially comfortable you are.

Emotional intellegence has left the building.

Yes, I think this situation is much more common than marrying for money. My mum would have left my dad if she was financially independent. She was a SAHM from the age of 26 and had three children. My dad was somewhere between a miserable, entitled, rude bastard and emotionally abusive depending on how you look at it and he got worse as he got older. He would have massively struggled if my mum had left since she did absolutely everything in the house and her life would have been so much better and freer without him. But she’d let him look after the finances their whole lives and didn’t even know what savings they had. She didn’t have her own pension and didn’t ever feel she could afford to leave.

I didn't but I would now. Now there's no love and no money and the main thing we argue about is money.

Most people look for their equivalent- a vulnerable non earner is not massively appealing to most adults men or women.

I’d never marry for money. I’m not a mail order bride or a prostitute.

People won’t generally say they married for money but it’s definitely part of the decision making process. I didn’t marry DH ‘for the money’ but part of what attracted me was that he is intelligent, hard working and ambitious. We do earn similar amounts so it makes for a comfortable life together.

I wouldn’t say I married for money but at the time I met DH I wouldn’t have been interested in someone who had no prospects.

We met when I was 24. DH had just finished medical school and I’d be lying if I said I didn’t consider his earning potential or find it attractive - on very first meeting I know I wouldn’t have been as interested if he was working in a supermarket. However, within an hour of chatting we had so much to talk about and laughed so much and I really fancied him. If we didn’t click, have things in common, share the same values and I didn’t find him physically attractive I never would have been interested. So I suppose it’s one factor in a whole package of things that attracted me, in the same way that looks are one factor but that doesn’t mean you’d get together with someone on looks alone.

At that time I didn’t have a huge amount of confidence in my own earning potential as I was in my first graduate job which wasn’t a proper grad scheme and wasn’t well paid. However, I ended up applying and getting onto a very competitive grad scheme a year later and progressed quickly so from the ages of around 27-34 (before we had DC) it turned out we were earning around the same.

I definitely didn't. We met in our early 20's and I was earning quite a bit more than him then. I loved him though and saw his potential and he has massively stepped up in the 24 years we have been together and earns more than me now. We have a good life (and I still massively fancy him so win win).

Centuries?

Mone had just been made redundant for the second time in six months and was working as a labourer for cash in hand. He had nothing when we met but neither did I as I was still at uni and working part time to pay for petrol and books.

Worked out ok though, we both earn well now!

As my grandmother used to say if you marry for money you’ll end up earning every penny.

Earn your own money OP and never be beholden to anyone least of all a man.

Might not be what you meant but we married for the protection of inheritance tax when one of us goes. Otherwise saw no reason at all to get married - lived together perfectly well for centuries before we did.

No one’s going to admit it on Mumsnet because a lot of posters thrive on appearing morally superior. However some of the relationships and lifestyles described on here some posters would have been better off marrying for money, as they married dickheads anyway.

I don’t know anyone who married for money but I know lots of people who have stayed in relationships because of it (or lack of it). It’s tough doing it all on your own.

Thinking about my own relationship, I was attracted to my DH because he was clever, driven, decent, kind, fiscally aware, had / has a wonderful smile, we had very similar values.

So 'money' was a factor.

I remember my DSis asking me about her then BF who became her DH and then ExDH. I told her he was a nice enough chap but he doesn't seem to have any drive or determination which I found unattractive. She became the main breadwinner with him bumbling along in his minimum wage job with his mensa IQ and lots of degrees. It was a huge strain on the relationship and one of the factors in their break up

Interesting question. I strongly suspect my ex married me for money. I didn't have much but had more than him, a stable job and ambition (which he didnt have). We were also able to live in an area he wanted to because of the double income and my savings. You can always tell if someone marries you for money and I'm sure your partner would know your intentions. He might not care but it seems a little unfair.

HOWEVER, I can definitely see that if life is a struggle and you have small DC it is so tempting to marry someone who can give them all the things you want to and to make life easier. You are marrying for love but the love for your DC not your DH! So no judgement here.

No, but I am aware that I didn't consider a serious relationship with men who weren't likely to have a job that paid a fairly decent amount/had some ambition and were financially astute. I have the same standard in myself though. It is something that is attractive as part of an overall package - not compensation for something lacking elsewhere. I think if a man was seriously rich I would find that a bit of a negative.

These are really good qualities to have - I would definitely say these usurp lust or passion, however, I am late 40s and pretty much knackered all the time 😂

Growing attraction is also a very good sign - in relationships, I think a 'slow burn' build up is more sustainable than a 'instant attraction'

What's very important in any relationship is that you have the same values

No, but I made a very conscious choice NOT to marry a really lovely man who was hopeless with money, and despite his high salary, he would always make us hard up.

No, my now husband was part time at Greggs when we met at 16 🥲 I was rich in sausage rolls though.